Being single for a certain amount of time has its benefits. I personally experienced the most growth and self-awareness during my years as a single girl, and while there were some painful and lonely moments, they all led me to a place where I could break through some of my walls and do some necessary inner work. At the same time, no one makes it a goal to be single forever.
We all want love; we all want a partner to share our lives with. Even though that is the goal, a lot of us mistakenly go about attaining the thing we want so much in all the wrong ways. We continue to live life in the same way and hope that it will somehow lead to different results. We know that this doesn’t really make any sense, and yet we continue to operate from a default setting.
Being single isn’t a curse and being in a relationship isn’t a cure-all. No matter what stage you’re in, it’s important to take a personal inventory—to look at the habits and choices that are helping you, and the ones that are hurting you. It’s not a matter of putting yourself out there more, of signing up for every dating site and side-swiping app—finding a truly amazing, healthy relationship is much more about being ready for such a relationship. It’s about identifying faulty patterns and thought processes that may be blocking you from getting what you want.
I have written many articles on how to get the relationship you want. There are also ways to guarantee that you never get what you want. Seeing what they are is the first step in correcting the problem.
And with that, here are eleven ways to stay single forever:
1. Don’t ever learn from your mistakes.
If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you are bound to keep making them (this was the story of my life for many years!).
If you find that you keep ending up in the exact same situations over and over again, it’s time to do some reflecting and consider why it’s happening, and what is leading you to this place.
For example, if you keep ending up in pseudo-relationships with guys who act like your boyfriend but won’t call you their girlfriend …try to uncover why you seem to only be drawn to the emotionally unavailable type. Or maybe every guy you date ends up cheating on you. I’m not saying this is your fault but look at the types of guys you’re drawn to and ask yourself why and what these guys have in common.
Take a look at your patterns and see if you can rewire some default settings.
2. Blame your singleness on the fact that there are no good men left.
It is statistically impossible for every “normal” guy on the planet to be unavailable. It’s not that all the good guys are taken, it’s that maybe you’re so busy chasing the wrong guys and thinking they can give you what you want that you can’t see and appreciate all the good ones that come your way.
Again, it comes down to identifying your patterns and who you choose to date.
3. Have unrealistic standards
We all have certain criteria when it comes to a partner; some of these can be valid and others border on ridiculous.
We don’t know ourselves as much as we think we do and oftentimes what we think we want is not the same as what we actually need. When I was single, if you asked me to describe my ideal guy the answer would be exactly the opposite of who I ended up marrying and I realized that marrying that type of guy would have been a disaster.
You’ll be surprised at what can happen when you stop assessing if he has all the qualities you want and instead try to connect to him as a person.