Are You in Love, or Just Attached?

Are you in love, or just attached?

Is it Love, or just Attachment?

Every one of us knows that a certain person jumps from relationship to relationship, and every time, they tell you, “I am in love”.

As someone who has spent a good part of her adult life single, I could never understand how someone could be “in love” with all those other people.

I assumed that it couldn’t be love because it was the fear of being alone. I mean, that’s right. Right?

Sort of. You can’t measure love with any real calculations. It’s something you just feel.

But what if your feeling isn’t right? What if you are just so afraid of being alone, or so tired of not feeling a connection (regardless of how brief), that anyone who gets close to making you feel safe feels like they are your soulmate?

You know those relationships in the past; the ones you look back on and say, “I can’t believe I told them ‘I love you’.” How could you have said those words to someone who isn’t your type, and who you wouldn’t ever want to been seen with again?

Are you in love, or just attached?

The answer is, that wasn’t love. That was attachment.

I am not a love guru and I have no way of telling you if what you’re feeling with your current partner is love, or just loneliness masked in body spray. But I can share some basic pointers. These are the kinds of pointers you would show your friend because let’s be honest, you’d rather not attend a wedding where the only thing the bride can say about her soon-to-be husband is “he’s always there.” And if you’re unsure about your own relationship motives, take a look at the following list and see where you land on love and attachment.

Love is passionate. Attachment is apathetic.

When you are in love, there is a fire within you. It can be an inferno of rage or a kindled sweetness, but there is always that fire. Only when you can say you truly feel something is when you can say it’s love.

When you are merely attached to another, you never really experience anything close to that fire. You have mild moments of irritation, anxiety, and a slew of other things, but nothing that resembles the blaze within from love.

Love = Selflessness. Attachment = Self-centered.

Real love is all about the other person. When you are in love, you want to place your partner’s needs above your own. Everything you do is for them and has a little part of you inside of it.

Attachment is all about you. You want someone there for you, want someone to support you, or want them to benefit you in some way. You aren’t looking out for them. You’re looking out for yourself.

Love is freedom. Attachment is possession.

Being in love is great because you don’t need to constantly be with your partner in order to feel affection, to understand how they feel, or to feel secure. You love them enough to trust the bond.

When you are going through attachment, you feel like the only time you are “okay” is when you are with them. You can’t stand to be apart and when you are apart, you are always wondering what they are doing and with whom.

Love empowers each other. Attachment takes sides.

Feeling true love gives you wings to soar to new heights. It gives you renewed energy, and a sense of freedom. You share your dreams with your partner and listen to theirs with equal support.

When it is attachment, there is only a power struggle. You call the shots, and you make sure you are never left out. The only decision that matters, is yours.

Love has no time-limits. Attachment is timed.

When you feel real love, that’s all there is. Time doesn’t matter. When you love someone, you will always love them, regardless of how things work out in the end.

66 thoughts on “Are You in Love, or Just Attached?”

  1. Infatuation is just excess “feel good” chemicals in our brain. Love is a conscious choice we make to continue caring for someone and remaining their friend til the end.

  2. This one is so true.

    “Love has no time-limits. Attachment is timed.”

    When you feel real love, that’s all there is. Time doesn’t matter. When you love someone, you will always love them, regardless of how things work out in the end.

  3. Love cant be left because of family, caste, religion etc. It is like the air we breathe and hence even if we are asked to stop; we cant.. Love never hurts, lack of love does.. it is unconditional and selfless.. Real love is between the souls..

  4. I’ve never been in love before…Until now. And it is unconditional, I always put him first. It just came automatic. And whatever the outcome, I will Love Him still.<3<3<3

  5. Attachment is important to human development, study the development of a child from birth onward, study what is called "attachment parenting" and when we look cultures through out the world who still practice a more nature based reality they are all about attachment parenting so its ancient, they are all about attachment and human bonding and have far less psychological problems. I disagree with this on many levels. Think about your animals/pets…

  6. attatched with love thrown in so best of both , you have to attatchment to gain love otherwise why do we state a child has attacthment issues love helps attatchment and attatchment helps love

  7. My past relationships were neither attachment nor love. I called those 'situations' for i was never attached to anyone of them and i ran-away most of the time. I was just so twisted to understand it love, needing or belonging to someone in a personal sense. I was desperate to belong to my mom who's love and attachment with me felt so conditional. I may have loved someone but I failed to recognize it because i was busy chasing a fading life.

  8. Wow! That was very interesting. According to this article, my last relationship was mostly attachment and what I'm experiencing now is truly love. To be honest, that scares the hell out of me because this isn't the right person for me to fall for. It is what it is, though. It really has set me free and I'll always be grateful for that. I'll carry this love in my heart wherever I go and it'll always be with me forever. Thank you for giving me my wings back, my love. ❤️

  9. Hmm, this is a beautiful intention to work towards, but what you are describing is unconditional, non-attached spiritual live, which most people are only partially capable of. I don't think it's fair to say that you are not in love because you also have an insecure attachment style ( which is what the 'just attached' side describes). For people with insecure attachment, all of their relationships will have elements of fear and clinging. That does not mean they don't ALSO love the person, but they are working to heal early wounds.

  10. what you are describing is called co-dependency and is not the same as attachment. Attachment is key in love.

  11. And what to do when you (the woman) feel the real thing, real LOVE and the man you feel this love for is stuck in an attachment and doesn't seem to be interested in you? (because he doesn't feel the LOVE yet, or may never feel it).

  12. Br-Ar Zednanreh Uy
    Tinag kita dto not for any negative intentions ah.. pls.. mamatay man ako wala ako masama intention sayo.. lalo na sa pgMentiom q sau dto.. unless ndi mo pa nababasa last PM ko sayo.. I just find this article helpful hndi lang sayo o saken, sa lahat po.. Peace..

  13. I loved this article! It can really define a lot of things when it comes to relationships. What makes this article hard, is that there are those people that declare everyone else is the problem and therefore will declare love even to the extent of being abusive or controlling.

    I know you defined the difference between the two but what if one was devoting everything their heart could desire to make the relationship work and the other one was not? Does that determine that it was love or just a mere attachment because that is what they have come to accept within the relationship?

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