Have you ever felt jealous of your partner? Jealousy may be common in relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s fun to deal with.
Being jealous can take on many forms. You may be protective over your love and feel jealous when someone else flirts or expresses romantic interest in your spouse. Or you may be jealous of your spouse’s income, their group of friends, their relationship to their family, or their talents.
Whatever form jealousy takes in your life, it can creep into your relationship and create a spiral of anxiety and hurt feelings for both partners.
Don’t let jealousy ruin the wonderful connection you share.
Here are 7 pieces of relationship advice on how to deal with the green-eyed monster, jealousy in your relationship.
1. Work on Communication
Your partner is not a mind-reader. They may be doing something to upset you or make you feel jealous or insecure and they don’t even know they’re doing it! Learning how to calmly communicate with your partner will make both of your lives a whole lot easier.
2. Choose your Words Carefully
Love is respect.
Respect is love.
If you are in a relationship, you are going to have the occasional argument. This is natural. Sometimes these circumstances are out of your control, but what you can control is the way you speak to your partner when you’re feeling jealous.
Instead of saying, “You never spend any time with me because you’re too busy with your friends! You are the worst boyfriend ever!”
Try, “I’m glad you get time out with your friends, but I’ve been missing you lately. Maybe we can plan a date night and spend some quality time together?”
Instead of publicly lashing out at your partner when you feel jealous or upset, wait until you’ve calmed down and can speak to them privately about the matter.
3. Work on Building Trust
There are many things you can do to help boost trust in your relationship. The most obvious is to be honest with your partner.
Follow through on your promises, don’t lie, and mean what you say.
Trust makes you feel safe and secure in your life. Promote a healthy bond of trust by considering your partner before making decisions.
Will your boyfriend appreciate you flirting with your male friends? Will your girlfriend think it’s okay for you to watch porn or talk about sex with other women? These are things you need to talk about.
Establishing boundaries helps both partners feel comfortable and safe in their relationship.
Oxytocin has been shown to increase trust. This hormone is released during acts of physical intimacy.. Increasing physical affection at home will help strengthen your emotional connection to your spouse and improve trust.
4. Banish Toxic Habits
One of the biggest pieces of relationship advice for dealing with jealousy is to assess your habits.
For example, many people are jealous of their partner’s exes. Naturally, it isn’t nice to know your partner loved and was intimate with someone else the way they are with you.
Dwelling on these details of the past can hurt – so stop dwelling on them! Here are some harmful habits that can mess with your emotions:
- Social media stalking your partner’s ex
- Checking your spouse’s phone privately or publicly
- Asking questions when you know the answer is going to hurt your feelings
- Stewing on information that makes you feel jealous or insecure
- Causing a scene in public over a perceived slight
- Belittling your partner or yourself as a kneejerk jealous reaction
Confidence is sexy, so banish these bad habits and hold your head up high.
5. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Therapy
Going to counseling or therapy may seem like an extreme way to deal with relationship jealousy, but it can have lasting benefits.
By talking to a professional about why you feel the way you do, they can help you to identify the root of your jealousy.
Feeling jealous is often an offshoot of feeling insecure, less than, or unworthy of love. Your counselor can help you get to the bottom of what is making you react to certain circumstances the way you do and can create a plan for self-love and acceptance over things you can’t control.