The 4 Traits Of My Next Girlfriend That Totally Turn Me On

Yes, I finally made a list for my next girlfriend!

The dreaded pro-con list of relationships. Setting the bar and creating boundaries in what you will and won’t accept in a potential partner can be daunting, and, it can also be liberating. I get it! This is my raw and real feelings on setting up relationships that work, drawn from years of failures and surveying others…yes, this gets messy so hold on tight!

If clarity is the mother of all beginnings and intention is the rocket fuel that carries us through, then establishing guidelines is the best we can do to keep a relationship on track when passion runs high and we pull back our barbed-wire defenses for intimacy to peep it’s scared face from the shadows of shame and past regrets.

Exhausted after a recent tryst with a potential girlfriend lasting only two weeks that left me mentally, spiritually and emotionally drained, I confided in a trusted mentor and with curiosity asked, “do you think I’m a good man?”

Sensing my need for validation from my latest dealings with this energy vampire, this mentor stated, “It doesn’t matter what I think Robin, it matters what YOU think.” Bam! Before I could even reply, she then asked, “Have you made a list of qualities you desire in a girlfriend?” I was blank faced, I had nowhere to go…she had called me out, or really…called me forward to own this situation and BE the man that amazing women would kill for.

Our natural cravings for love cause us to do just about anything for affection and to be looked upon as special. In those moments, reminded once again, sometimes even regretfully, that we haven’t been giving those very things to ourselves and must return to self-love first. Damn, time to call the sponsor and get back into the recovery circles!

What was I thinking! I had developed my spiritual consciousness to a PHD level over 10 years of deep soul-work and here I am making decisions at a 4th grade level by not establishing clear boundaries and giving my heart away to quickly. “Slow down, Robin! What is your hurry anyway?”, I would say to myself, frustrated why I am so drawn to people, yet as soon as romance sparks, I get weird.

A few deep breathing exercises, a yoga session and a few calls to the coach later, I finally settle in, to go within.  No, women aren’t bitches, they’re not fucked up, or greedy, or just users of men. Labeling crap outside myself is the easy victim way out and I was going to boldly stand in front of life’s mirror and demand a clear reflection.

Then it hit me. The words of the wise King Solomon’s words my mother use to repeat to me as a boy, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Sigh and Surrender.  I had been careless with my heart, letting ones in to the emotional vulnerability of my soul that were unqualified to handle me. This toxic track has been run dozens of times before when the starting-pistol fired in the race of love, naively thinking that chemistry was all that was needed to make a relationship work.

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About The Author

With a background in ministry and philosophy, Robin spent 30 years struggling with the pillars of Religion. Finally breaking free, he questions the “normal” to now be considered an evocative, and sometimes controversial, thought leader. Pushing the limits of society and culture, Robin guides others to find their own freedom in a life of self empowered creation, partnered with deep resonance to live with originality. Robin is an ordained minister, performing marriages and the customary duties of ministry including spiritual guidance and consulting.Robin’s passion is in seeing strong masculinity meet the opposite world of radically elegant femininity. Coaching self development, personal energy and the breaking away from limiting beliefs, Robin works with his students and clients to create pure and honest alliances for personal and business relationships.

7 COMMENTS

    • Haha. I love the sentiment, Clare and can appreciate this “list” may sound daunting. I like to think that we attract what we are. If a man is these things above, working diligently to posses the qualities he wants to attract, then the list is fair. As in all things, we love ourselves first and completely, then begin to attract into existence all the options that the world gives us. Thanks for reading and hope to chat more. Much love. ~Robin