And you can’t really blame her.
It happens in so many relationships: Your love … once a pot of boiling passion, cools off to a bucket of lukewarm water.
And, be honest, men — at times, you’ve wondered if you should just break things off. But, you’ve invested time into this relationship and you really do like the woman you’re with. You even say you love her.
All relationships settle into a routine after awhile, right? So, you believe in seeing it through.
Here’s the thing though: Your girlfriend also senses the lukewarm temperature of your relationship. She starts coming to you with concerns about where it’s headed.
You half-listen, giving her the exact amount of attention needed to make her think she’s being heard. A proverbial pat on the head before you send her on her way, after all, you’re busy. And so you coast along in the relationship, thinking everything is fine.
You don’t actually do anything to revive the passion though. After all, you two still have sex. And it’s fine. It still works for you!
But while you hum along, she begins to pull away.
She starts nitpicking small things, maybe the way that you dress or that you always have food in your beard when you eat. She doesn’t smile as often when she’s with you, and she avoids eye contact.
Eventually she finds reasons to spend time away from you. She stays at work longer or goes over to her brother’s to celebrate his dog’s birthday.
And, at this point, gentlemen, the writing is on the wall: She’s preparing to leave you. Maybe she’s met someone new or she’s just decided that being single is better than being with you. The thing is, most women don’t call it quits impulsively. It’s taken a lot to get her to this point. And if you’re remotely concerned with how to win her back, you’ve got to first understand where you really went wrong.
Here are the four reasons the woman you love is about to leave you:
1. You have no vision for the relationship
A trend I’ve noticed among men I’ve coached is that they lack vision to drive their relationship with their girlfriend forward. This manifests in many forms, like not initiating sex, being noncommittal to social engagements, allowing the girlfriend to make all the decisions of where to go, where to eat, and what to do on weekends.
And there are multiple reasons why she decided to break up with you because of this lack of vision.
First, it’s unfair to her. A relationship is a two-way street, so why should one partner shoulder the brunt of the decision-making?
Second, your inability to move your relationship forward makes your girlfriend question whether or not you’re in this for the long haul. You not making decisions reflects your fear of taking risks. And the fewer risks you take in the relationship, the less emotionally invested you seem to her.
And that makes her feel unsafe, insecure, and like she has to play the masculine role in the relationship to keep things moving forward. The feminine side of her doesn’t like making decisions. So, when forced to do so, she’s pulled out of her sweet, feminine receptive state and into the masculine, which lessens attraction and closes her off.
It’s only a matter of time before she loses respect for you and demands someone more engaged to step up to the plate.
2. She doesn’t feel safe
Maybe it was your indecisiveness, or the constant confrontation she felt with you. Either way, she felt uncomfortable more than she ever felt at ease. A confrontational relationship is particularly unsettling for the woman involved, given her physical size compared to a man.
A man who takes his frustrations out on his girlfriend — because his team missed a last-second field goal or because he blew that deal with the new client — will put her on the defensive, feeling as though she must walk on eggshells around the man she should feel most comfortable with.