And why shouldn’t get married if you’re only in Stage 1.
The average couple will spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars preparing for their wedding day. I get it. It’s an important lovely day. It’s a party for family and friends and, in some cases, an opportunity for the bride’s childhood dreams to come true.
Over 50 percent of these well-spent couples will end up divorced. There doesn’t appear to be any correlation between the lavishness of the wedding and the health and longevity of the marriage.
So, while you’re doing everything you can to prepare for your wedding day, you might want to consider the 50 years that you’ll, hopefully, be spending together after the honeymoon. Consider adding some Marriage Preparation to your Wedding Planning.
Statistics show that couples who do some premarital counseling, divorce approximately 30 percent less than those who don’t! It’s like buying insurance.
I can hear you saying, “But we’re in love. We don’t need therapy.” And you may not. But, if you want to know how to prepare for marriage, this is one day.
Premarital Counseling is not always therapy in the classic sense. Yes, some couples do come in for help in resolving certain issues that surface in the face of wedding planning.
I’m thinking specifically of financial pressures, religious differences, and family dynamics.
But even if you’re not exactly struggling with one another, now is a good time to learn better communication skills and put some important tools in your Marriage Toolbox to give your new marriage every opportunity to succeed.
Did you know, for example, that relationships unfold in predictable stages?
1. The Romantic Stage
Nature helps us out with a chemical cocktail to get us going. We are flooded with cortisol, dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones increase our alertness, pleasure, motivation, trust, attachment, sexual arousal, attraction, and obsessive thinking while decreasing our sadness, fear, and boredom.
This is where we fall in love, believing that we’ve found our soulmate and that nothing could ever go wrong. For a lot of people, this stage is where the decision to marry and the proposal takes place.
2. The Power Struggle Stage
For better or worse, the Romantic stage is not meant to last. After several months (up to two years), it is replaced with the next stage, the Power Struggle stage.
At this point, the chemicals wear off and we slowly (or suddenly) begin to see that our partners are not actually perfect.
We may begin a campaign to get them to change back to the way that they were when we were in the Romantic Stage. The only problem is that this is their true selves. We’ve just lost our chemically induced rose-colored glasses.
Research tells us that the average amount of time that a couple waits to seek counseling after they begin the Power Struggle stage is six years.
This means that they will experience a significant degree of discomfort and unhappiness while trying to negotiate the natural ups and downs of their relationship dynamic… usually without the right tools!
Research also shows that there is a window of opportunity during the year before the wedding and the six months or so after when couples can receive the optimum benefit from marriage preparation.