Stop Loving People You Feel You Need To Save

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Iโ€™ve always tried to save people.

I am not sure why I have always gravitated toward someone who would make my life messyโ€”someone who I thought could change their shitty habits if they had my guidance; someone who could be the best version of themselves because of me.

My project. My personal masterpiece.

I took in people who had commitment issues. I allowed people who were emotionally unavailable to find a place in my heart. I found people who had been broken, and didnโ€™t know how to put themselves back together.

They didnโ€™t know how to love, how to let go of their past, how to show up for me, how to be the person they were meant to be.

I thought that if I overlooked all of the times they blew me off, left without a warning, said hurtful things and forgave them each time they came back, they would be one step closer to being ready.

See, I wanted to be with these people. I saw something in each of themโ€ฆpieces that werenโ€™t shown to everyone around them. I thought I knew these people on a level that was deeper than exterior looks and fronted personalities.

Their souls, their fears, their storiesโ€ฆthatโ€™s what I clung to.

But as time has gone on, and I reflect on all of the projects I started, I realize that I have no masterpieces to show anyone. I have a lot of projects that were started, yet never finished.

Every person I have tried to save and loved without question, ultimately proved to me that they were not capable of being the person I thought they could beโ€”the person they swore they wanted to be.

In a way, I always felt like I failed them. Had I done something differently, maybe they would have realized it is possible to let go, start over, embark on a new journey with someone who wanted the best life for them. They would want me. They would want us.

But all I have been left with are years of sleepless nights spent worrying about accommodating someone elseโ€™s feelings and putting my own on the back-burner. I was the crutch, the crying shoulderโ€ฆyet when I needed their support, they were nowhere to be found.
I have always tried to save peopleโ€ฆand I have always lost myself in the process.

I am still trying to learn and accept that love shouldnโ€™t be this big, complicated situation where you need to save someone.

Everyone has their issues, their own form of baggage. However, you shouldnโ€™t have to work on molding someone into a better form of themselves in order for them to fit into your life.

You also canโ€™t save someone who doesnโ€™t want to be saved.

At some point, we have to realize that people are who they are, and nothing you say or do will ever change that.

So this is 22-year-old me, who is about to graduate college, and is encouraging you to look at the situation you are in right now and analyze whether or not this is healthy.

We can love someone so much that we donโ€™t want to accept that they donโ€™t add value to our lives. But trust me when I say that until you let go of the idea that you can save this personโ€”that you can keep someone around who is not easily kept, you will miss out.
You will miss out on someone who shows up on their own. Who calls back without being asked. Who makes a commitment because they want to and not because of guilt. Who does the little things because that is who they are as a person.

So if you find someone who you cannot save, show them love, but send them on their way.

Because the only person you can save is yourself.

Stop Loving People You Feel You Need To Save

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