“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” ~ Mike Mchargue
It is preposterous to love someone under the hope that they will change to a person we like them to be. It is best not to entertain such thoughts, right from the onset of the relationship.
Loving someone is much more than the romantic feelings. It means acceptance in entirety including those things which we don’t particularly like. It means celebrating every bit of that person.
Most of the relationships begin and develop on the hope that the person we love would start or stop doing certain things that pleases us.
Truth be told, this is not love.
It is, in fact, trying to mold someone our way as per our likes.
We are far from loving someone, when we try to change them. In reality we want to love the person that we want them to become, a different individual, a different personality, not the one we behold at the moment.
It is much similar to altering a garment that we like but one that does not fit us perfectly. We want to shape and trim the garment so that it can give us the desired look- like we want to eliminate the features in the person and transform them into someone who can be suitable to our state in life.
It is true that we want things our way, but love demands more. It should be unconditional, and it is not that easy. Love itself is a daring thing to do. It’s not for the weak hearted, the selfish and the self-centered. So, if you dare to love, dare to love for what a person is.
Expecting someone to change as per our terms cannot correspond to love. We do that when we have no idea about the person we want to be with— their past, their present, their life experiences and where they are headed to. It simply means we don’t have any understanding of their journey. Pressurizing them to make changes would distort their path which they have chosen to grow. We can end them screwing their lives completely.
It’s not love and you must know it.
Why not love someone without the expectation that they would be what we want them to be? Let’s love them knowing well, our object love has their mind and consciousness and will grow beautifully but into something very different.
Do we want to be poked at every step? Can we feel loved or wanted if someone told us they would love us more if we dressed in a particular manner, or didn’t mix with opposite sex, or didn’t laugh or speak so loudly or as we do?
No, we can’t? Most of us would not want to do anything with that person.
So, wait is vital. Don’t rush. Don’t be too prepared to be swept away by someone who wants us to change the way. Instead fall for the person who doesn’t want us to change but understands our journey.
We will grow they know, but differently.
You know you have the best relationship when there are no rules, no conditions. Each one in that relationship has the full freedom to move in the direction their heart desires.
This doesn’t mean not giving a damn about what we think about our partners or what they think about us. It is about loving so well, that both of us can inspire each other to grow. But when two people are tied to each other in a way they feel free, they don’t let their egos to control a person.
True partners help each other to evolve into something better. They expose their partner to physical emotional, mental and spiritual revelations and awareness to attain their best.
Sometimes love has such great positive impact on us that we become more of what we are— something we didn’t know we could ever be.
Still we get involved in relationships with people who love only certain parts of us and rest they despise. And we are keep imagining what being loved entirely means.
The biggest indicator of true love is that it is meant to nurture you and make you better. It is the feeling of freedom and peace that washes over you whenever your lover embraces you.
This knowing rises from the knowledge that there is no need to do anything special to get your partner’s love. The same applies to us and we don’t want to mold or mend our partners but love them in their completeness.
We know their darker side, their weaknesses and things they won’t show to the world. We know the pain and suffering they have been through and kiss their scars and let them know we understand what they have been through.
This type of love is not unreal but it is also a secret that known to very few of us. That is why we surrender ourselves to those people who make us constantly struggle to measure up to their expectations.
This goes on until we understand what love actually means. When we have learned what we need from our lover and don’t feel ashamed to assert it this circle breaks.
We have to believe that we deserve to be accepted in all our completeness and will only be with someone who can become a part of the journey to our evolution to ourselves. When we reach out with our love as evolved persons to someone who can receive it from their highest self, we know we have found this type of love. Then love becomes beautiful as someone can see the light within us which others couldn’t.
To love with the hope of inspiring someone to grow means that there is no end results to a specific relationship dynamic. There are no conventional signposts by which to judge this type of romantic union—yet that doesn’t mean it can’t include living together, marriage, or even children; it just means that none of this are stipulations for a successful and loving relationship.
Practically, there are no particular characteristics that will help you identify this type of love. It can very well culminate into marriage and children, and sometimes it may not always transform into something similar.
Each one of us is meant to continue growing, and what we become interested in or explore will be different each year. We should try new things, read new material and experiment with discovering what kind of person we truly are, and what kind of life we want to lead. The truly beautiful thing is that certain lovers will help us do all of that and so much more.
Being dynamic individuals we are subject to changes and with time we want to experience new things. A true partner will help you achieve all that. They will never stop you from experimenting and exploring.
Because love inspires us to grow. It does not restrict, it doesn’t smother. The magic of love is truly unleashed when we learn to love someone as they are.