When There Is Pain In A Relationship, When Is Enough Enough?

 / 

When There Is Pain In A Relationship, When Is Enough Enough?

Dear Advocates:

Pain is something that we have all experienced in our relationships before; whether it was the pain of someone else hurting us, or the pain of knowing that we hurt someone – pain is no stranger to any of us when it comes to love.

 The true question is, how do I know when enough is enough? If love’s main characteristics are to endure pain, carry the weaknesses of others, forgive freely, and not take into account any of the wrongs done to it, how can we know when enough pain is enough pain? When are we called to endure, and when are we called to throw in the towel?

This is a question I struggled with for 24 years as I suffered abuse from a narcissist very close to me. I’m 29 now, so it hasn’t been that long since I learned this principle, nonetheless, it’s a powerful principle indeed.

When the pain you’re going through causes you to act against your own morals, it’s time to throw in the towel. Any relationship that repeatedly pushes you into a corner and causes you to act against your own moral convictions is a relationship that will lead you only to death.

Pain is not always a bad thing. Giving birth is painful, but necessary to produce life. Love isn’t designed to make you “feel good” all the time, but designed to refine and perfect you. Healthy relationships see this principle coming to life every single day: the love that is shared in a healthy relationship is a love that will be painful, but also producing abundant fruit.

Pain that causes you to remain stagnant, facing the same problems over and over again, causes you to lose hope and become overwhelmed is more than likely a pain that is coming from a source of toxicity that hasn’t been addressed.

When I was being abused, I hurt for myself. I woke up every morning dreading looking at myself in the mirror, feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t have a better life, and literally loathing myself to the point of not even caring about the abuse anymore.

When I stopped hurting for myself and began hurting more for my abuser, I realized an important love principle: true love hurts more for others than for self.

This realization was part of the catalyst that was used to break me away from my abuser; I didn’t need to feel sorry for myself, loathe myself, or hurt for myself. I needed to take that pain and do something productive with it, because that is what love does.

So, the bottom line is this: pain that causes fruit to grow is good pain that you need to make room to endure in your relationships. Pain that keeps you stagnant is bad pain that needs to be eliminated in your relationships. There is one simple key to understanding the difference between good pain and bad pain in any situation or relationship: your perspective.

All it took was a perspective change for me to climb out of that abusive hole, one day at a time. I realized I couldn’t hurt for myself and my abuser at the same time; I had to put myself on the back-burner in order to gain clarity on how to deal with this toxic relationship. This was my first step into acting in true love, but it wouldn’t be my last, or my most painful.

Take the time to assess the kind of pain you’re enduring in your relationships. Sit down and write out the fruit that is being caused by that pain – and if you can’t think of any, it’s time to make a change in your perspective. Below are a few examples of the differences between good and bad pain:

Bad Pain:

  • Causes depression.
  • Causes paranoid thoughts.
  • Causes self-hatred.
  • Causes confusion.
  • Causes anxiety and stress.
  • Causes a loss of perspective.
  • Causes a lack of spiritual and emotional growth.
  • Hinders any positive emotions.

Good Pain:

  • Invokes deep thought.
  • Challenges you to change yourself.
  • Motivates you to become a better person.
  • Causes understanding.
  • Causes clarity in perspective.
  • Inspires for the future.
  • Challenges you to face your fears.

– Gavi, Your Advocate for Healthy Relationships



When There Is Pain In A Relationship, When Is Enough Enough?

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

How Healthy Relationships Can Improve Your Physical Health

How Healthy Relationships Can Improve Your Physical Health

Healthy relationships are crucial for feeling happy, positive, and also physically healthy. The physical benefits of healthy relationships are a lot, and this article is going to talk about that in detail. Let’s find out the importance of having strong and healthy relationships.

Humans need humans to survive.

It’s no secret that a healthy relationship can bring joy and happiness to your life, but did you know that it can also have a positive impact on your physical health?

From reducing stress levels to boosting your immune system, there are many surprising health benefits to being in a happy partnership. Read on to learn more.

We are social creatures who thrive on strong, healthy relationships with friends, colleagues and family me



Up Next

When You Refuse To Let Go Of Someone You Love, Even When They Don’t Love You Anymore

Why You Should Let Go Of Someone You Love

I get it. You don’t want to let go of someone you love. Even when it’s clear that it’s over. Even when it’s clear that it is time and things will only get worse from here. Yet, you want to hold on just a little longer. But if you truly love someone let them go.

“No! No! It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. It’s working. Listen to me, I know it’s working. This is normal. Show me a relationship that doesn’t have problems. I will make it work. I know I can. Just give me a little time. Just a little more time. Please, just bear with me for a second here. Please. Don’t take it away from me yet. Please. It’s not time. It can’t be. Will you just listen to me once for god’s sake?”

But deep down you know it in your heart. You just know it. It is screaming at you. And even though you may pretend you



Up Next

7 Warning Signs Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship And How to Rediscover Your Sense of Self

Signs Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship

Are you starting to feel like you have lost yourself in a relationship? Do you have this persistent feeling that you don’t know who you are anymore? You know, that feeling when you are so caught up in someone else’s world, that you forget who you are? Well, these are just some signs of losing yourself in a relationship.

Believe it or not, this is actually quite a common feeling, and lots of people experience this. If you have ever felt like you have lost yourself in a relationship, then this article can be a godsend for you.

Let’s delve into the all those signs of losing yourself in a relationship, so that you can stop yourself from doing so (at least to some extent!). And not just this, we will also talk about what to do when you lose yourself in a relationship. So, are you ready to explore this? Let’s go then!



Up Next

How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Desperately Trying To Hold On To

How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Trying To Hold On To

Do you know what happens when you desperately hold on to someone you really need to let go of? When you hold on to the idea of “us” and refuse to see the reality for what it is? You force the person you love the most in the world to hate you. You compel them to resent you. And in this process, you hurt yourself more than the other person did. This is why it’s crucial that we talk about how to let go of someone you don’t want to lose.

No one wants to let go of love

Especially when it’s the real deal. Especially when you’ve been told you are not worthy of love all your life. And this one person comes into your life and completely changes



Up Next

15+ Quotes From “Bridgerton” That Depict Obsessive Yearning

Best Bridgerton Quotes About Love And Romance

If you like romances and things from the Regency era, these Bridgerton quotes show how obsession can be a form of longing. This Netflix series features several love stories in which the characters experience intense desire and emotions.

Through eloquent dialogues and passionate interactions, “Bridgerton” powerfully reveals the aspirations that motivate its characters.

The series effectively frames the relationship between Daphne and Simon as an embodiment of smouldering attraction while at the same time conveying other major figures’ secretly yearning for each other.

Here are some Bridgerton quotes about love that perfectly sum up obsessive yearning.<



Up Next

TikTok’s Ultimate Couples Psychometrics Test: Which Iconic Pair Are You and Your Partner?

Couples Psychometrics Test: Fun Results Of Fictional Couples

Do you want to explore your relationship dynamics in a fun and insightful way? Take this Couples Psychometrics Test, the newest sensation making waves on social media, particularly TikTok!

Forget zodiac signs and typical personality quizzes; this one goes further to study your compatibility with your partner’s and give a famous fictional couple from TV shows or movies as your match.

This is a test attempts to find the perfect on-screen duo for you. It checks out our personalities, styles of communication and other oddities that make us real-life couples.

For those of you who are just wondering about which legendary pair represents your love story in th



Up Next

10 Signs You Are A Rebound And Nothing More

Signs You Are A Rebound And Nothing More

The dating world can sometimes feel like you are on a wild roller coaster ride of emotions, full of exhilarating highs and heart breaking lows. And you might find yourself unknowingly become someone’s rebound. But how do you gauge that? What are the signs you are a rebound, and nothing more?

Being someone’s rebound means being an emotional pit stop for them; it’s like they are taking a short break where they are seeking temporary solace before moving on for good. It’s not a good place to be in, honestly.

Today, we are talking to talk about all those glaring signs you are a rebound, so that it’s easier for you to decide if you want to remain one, or let go and wait for someone who gives you the love and respect you deserve.