What It Really Means When Someone Says “I love you”: Thich Nhat Hanh on Love

26793486 1257688477708175 849336252 n 1

Thich Nhat Hanh on Love: What does love mean, exactly? Many psychologists have formed different philosophies, formulated different theories and yet failed to define it. Anyone who has ever wholeheartedly taken this leap of faith knows that love remains a mystery — perhaps the mystery of the human experience.

The three words, I Love You when uttered in a relationship, is a huge step  and brings along a lot of responsibility and commitment. 

But how do you know if it’s the right step to take in your relationship?

I mean, how do you know if someone actually means it?

And more importantly, how do you know that they’re saying it for you, and not for them?

Well, that’s exactly what Zen Buddhist master Thich Nhat Han has discussed in his book, How to Love.

Below, we’ve found a passage where he explains why “I love you” might not mean what you think it does.

What “I love you” really means

Thich Nhat Hanh on love

At the heart of Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings is the idea that “understanding is love’s other name.” In other words, to love someone is to fully understand his or her sufferings.

Thich Nhat Hanh says that when people say “I love you”, they are caught in the idea of “self” and focused on the “I”. But according to Thich Nhat Hanh, true love involves letting go of the ego and understanding that we’re in this together:

“Often, when we say, “I love you” we focus mostly on the idea of the “I” who is doing the loving and less on the quality of the love that’s being offered. This is because we are caught by the idea of self. We think we have a self. But there is no such thing as an individual separate self. A flower is made only of non-flower elements, such as chlorophyll, sunlight, and water. If we were to remove all the non-flower elements from the flower, there would be no flower left. A flower cannot be by herself alone. A flower can only inter-be with all of us… Humans are like this too. We can’t exist by ourselves alone. We can only inter-be. I am made only of non-me elements, such as the Earth, the sun, parents, and ancestors. In a relationship, if you can see the nature of interbeing between you and the other person, you can see that his suffering is your own suffering, and your happiness is his own happiness. With this way of seeing, you speak and act differently. This in itself can relieve so much suffering.”

True love is when two becomes one

Thich Nhat Hanh on love

Thich Nhat Hanh says that when it comes to love, there’s no “I”. Instead, true love involves realizing that you’ve become one together:

“In a deep relationship, there’s no longer a boundary between you and the other person. You are her and she is you. Your suffering is her suffering. Your understanding of your own suffering helps your loved one to suffer less. Suffering and happiness are no longer individual matters. What happens to your loved one happens to you. What happens to you happens to your loved one.

[…]

In true love, there’s no more separation or discrimination. His happiness is your happiness. Your suffering is his suffering. You can no longer say, “That’s your problem.”

“If you love someone but rarely make yourself available to him or her, that is not true love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Living Buddha, Living Christ

“Many people think excitement is happiness…. But when you are excited you are not peaceful. True happiness is based on peace.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Power

You may also like

To Love Without Knowing How To Love, Wounds The Person We Love

Intimacy – Osho

OSHO ON LOVE – some of his deepest Teachings

Possession in Relationships – Osho

The Honeymoon That never Ends – Osho

Thich Nhat Hanh on love

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

8 Essential Ingredients for a Thriving Relationship

Thriving Relationship: Essential Ingredients Building One

A thriving relationship doesn’t just happen—it’s built on key ingredients that make it strong and lasting.

Whether you’re looking for the ingredients of a healthy relationship or just some good relationship advice, understanding what truly makes a bond work is essential for creating a happy, healthy connection with your partner.

KEY POINTS

Evidence points to the correlation between an enduring, happy relationship and a periodic chuckle.

Neuroscience affirms that attention to gut instinct matters by enabling you to quickly assess a situation.

Relationships can be deep or wide, and each offers

Up Next

How to Regain Trust: 6 Steps to Heal After Betrayal

Happy Memories: Benefits Of Nostalgia

If you are wondering how to restore trust after betrayal, then you should know that it isn’t easy, but it’s totally possible if you’re ready to put in the work. It might take time, but with the right moves, you can rebuild what was broken and come out stronger. This article is going to explore six best ways to regain trust, and turn things around.

KEY POINTS

Those who trust others experience more meaningful relationships, greater self-esteem, and better work performance.

Those who lack trust tend to see others as a threat and the world as hostile.

The path to healing begins with compassion, self-care, journaling, motivational r

Up Next

10 Toxic Communication Patterns That Are Secretly Destroying Your Relationship

Toxic Communication Patterns That Can Destroy Your Bond

Toxic communication patterns in relationships are like sneaky little termites—hard to spot at first but causing huge damage over time. These signs of unhealthy communication can quietly creep in and, before you know it, you’re stuck in a cycle of miscommunication, frustration, and emotional burnout.

The way you speak to each other is everything in a relationship, and if things aren’t being communicated clearly, things can go downhill pretty fast. And before you know it, your relationship is over, leaving you wondering what went wrong.

Today we are going to talk about ten toxic communication patterns, and what unhealthy communication in relationships look like.

Related:

Up Next

Contempt in a Relationship: 10 Subtle Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

Contempt in a Relationship Subtle Signs You Mustn't Ignore

Let’s be real—if there’s one thing that can totally destroy a relationship, it’s contempt in a relationship. And what’s contempt? It’s when you start looking down on your partner, feeling like you’re better than them, and that sense of respect and love is just… gone.

Feeling contempt in a relationship can be super toxic, and once it creeps in, it becomes tough to have healthy communication. It’s one of those things that, if left unchecked, can drive couples apart faster than you think.

But don’t worry, the first step is recognizing it, and that’s what we’ll dive into here. First, let’s try to understand what is contempt in a relationship.

Related:

Up Next

3 Zodiac Signs Most Likely To Thrive In Long Distance Relationships

Zodiac Signs In Long Distance Relationships: Will You?

They say distance grows the heart fonder. But can long distance relationships be both exciting and daunting at the same time? While the idea of being apart from your partner may feel overwhelming, it also presents a unique opportunity for a deeper connection. 

Social media or other new apps help in bridging the gap, allowing couples to maintain their bonds despite the miles. However, not every zodiac love is easy to handle and comes with its fair share of challenges. 

Some signs want their partner to be physically present while some are naturally more suited to thrive in LDRs, creating a unique form of intimacy.

If you’re curious about which zodiac signs to have long distance rela

Up Next

Seeking Validation In Relationships? 7 Signs Of Emotional Validation

Seeking Validation In Relationships? Signs Of Emotional Validation

Do you ever feel like you are seeking validation in relationships? Have you ever felt like your emotions go unnoticed or misunderstood by your partner? Or maybe you are wondering what does validation in relationships look like?

Emotional validation in relationships is very important and it helps you to feel more connected to your partner.

It’s when someone not only listens but acknowledges and respects how you feel, even if they don’t entirely understand or agree with your emotions.

It strengthens the trust between you two and helps you to build a solid emotional foundation. Today, we are going to talk about what is emotional validation, the signs of emotional validation and how to practice emotional validation as a couple.

First, let’s talk abou

Up Next

10 Signs You’re Feeling Suffocated in A Relationship And How To Fix It

Signs You’re Feeling Suffocated in A Relationship

Have you ever caught yourself feeling suffocated in a relationship? You know that weird, heavy feeling where your personal space and freedom start disappearing. It’s not that you don’t love your partner, but something just feels off, like you’re constantly overwhelmed or restricted.

Whether it’s nonstop texting, never having time for yourself, or feeling emotionally exhausted, this can seriously mess with your mental and emotional health. But don’t worry, you’re not alone!

Today, we are going to talk about some of the major signs of feeling suffocated in a relationship, and more importantly, how to deal with it, so you can find your balance again without losing the connection you care about.

— Follow Us —