Falling in love is easy. But staying in love after years of being together is a whole different story. Why do some couples stay crazy in love while others barely manage to look at each other?
Long-lasting love is a practice, behavior, and skill that you can develop. In this article, we will talk about the 5 things all couples do to stay crazy in love with each other.
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” – Sir Arthur Pinero
At 65 this romance writer and his wife of 27 years are still crazy in love. Here’s how they do it.
I proposed to my wife on Valentine’s Day 1988. I chose the day on purpose so I wouldn’t forget. Some days are forever part of the trivia challenge in life that is very important to women. When did you propose? What’s your anniversary, your children’s birthdays, your wife’s birthday? Heaven helps you if you can’t recall. I want to remember, but sometimes I need help.
Ours is a second marriage for me. My first was a complete mulligan that left me embittered and doubtful that I could or would tie the knot again. I’m sure glad I did.
When you stand at the altar and recite the phrase, “for better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness and health,” you don’t really know what your signing on for, and it’s probably better that you don’t.
My wife and I have tagged all those bases, especially the sickness and health, with my wife’s depression and a baby born with a formerly fatal congenital heart defect. (He’s doing quite well at 23, thank you very much for asking, but you’re never out of the woods with a heart baby. However, that’s a different story.)
I’m still holding out for “the richer” part, but our lives have been rich. We’ve endured the “poorer” thing too. When I lost my job just before the birth of baby number two and couldn’t find work,
I decided to become an at-home dad. We had to work our way out of a lot of bad debt and poor spending habits to pull that off, but we found a way to live large on less. I had to make a major overhaul of my weltanschauung—my life view. I had no preparation for the life of an at-home caregiver.
“When you are madly in love with someone, even when sanity tries to rescue you, you wrestle it.” – Matshona Dhliwayo
Here we are twenty-seven years later and I’m still crazy in love with my wife. I’m 65 and I still chase her around the house trying to get her clothes off of her. She’s my best friend and sexual fantasy. That’s saying a lot. I write erotic romance for a pastime now. I can have any woman I want between the covers (of the books).
It’s always funny though how my female characters have some of my wife’s personality traits. She still has me wrapped around her little finger.
Everywhere you turn in the media, the prevailing stories about love and marriage seem to center around its breakdown, heartache, and disappointment. That hasn’t been our experience. It occurred to me that we must be doing something right, so I’ve given it some thought, and here are five things that we do:
5 Things To Stay Crazy In Love
1. Choose Joy
Everyone wants to be married “happily ever after.” The problem is that darn happiness thing. It is a temporary state of emotional satisfaction. It never lasts. Joy, on the other hand, is a state of mind where your suffering has meaning. You have to choose joy.
The childbearing thing is such a good example. My wife longed to be a mother. She had a very difficult first pregnancy but the smile rarely left her face. On the day of delivery, instead of the Lamaze experience, we had trained for — a couple of pushes to Yanni music and then, bliss — we had a five-alarm fire.
Our baby got stuck too far into the birth canal to do a C-section. Both my wife and child were in extreme jeopardy. The troops poured in. I counted over 20 people in the delivery room in the final minutes. In a last desperate act, her OBGYN performed an episiotomy with hedge clippers and no anesthesia. I’ve never heard such a scream of agony.
In the aftermath, I was expecting to live the rest of my life without sex. About an hour after our son was born, my wife told me she’d do it again. I pulled a nurse aside and asked for a psych consult. The woman was out of her mind. If men had babies, we’d be extinct by now. But that’s the joy thing.