When you first start to develop feelings for someone, it feels magical, doesn’t it? But before you deep dive into a new relationship, you need to look out for a few warning signs in your new flame. In case, you find all or most of these warning signs, then know that your new flame is not worth pursuing.
Yeah, he’s hot, but is he a good person? Stable? Mentally healthy? Emotionally expressive? Does he communicate well? Are his beliefs empowering or unrealistic and distorted?
Character comes first.
Meeting new people and dating can be an interesting experience. Usually, you can tell right away if someone is going to be a healthy connection or not.
In 50 years, you’re not going to be with someone based on the way they look. You’re going to want to be in a connection with someone based on the strength of the spiritual connection, the conversation, and the meaning of the commitment the two of you share.
If you’re truly looking for something long-term, it starts with you—you need to get healthy first, you need to find your value, you need to learn boundaries, and you need to find purpose and meaning in your own life. Getting married or having kids isn’t going to give you the same value and meaning in your life that comes from something deeper. Your purpose should come first. If not, the void you felt before your marriage or kids will remain long after you make those other commitments.
That void only leaves once deep healing work has been addressed, and that is where true purpose is born.
Purpose work is born out of what you came here to heal. Purpose work isn’t just a “passion”—if it doesn’t have a deeper meaning, eventually, you’ll get bored or burnt out. Divine purpose is rooted in the fire. That fire burns because you’ve learned who you truly are, and that alone sustains you (yes, when you find it, it will sustain you materially too). What I’m saying might sound obscure or far-fetched, but it actually couldn’t be more accurate.
You need to heal to find your true purpose. You also need to only be in connections that support this new you.
If you’re healing or have been on a healing journey and are now looking for a partner, you need something more from that connection and commitment than you may have sought out prior to healing.
Here are some red flags that can help you discern whether or not the new connection in your life is worth pursuing:
1. If they turn everything around on you to make it all your fault.
They do this because they are refusing to look in the mirror. They don’t want to own their mental and emotional health, and therefore, they won’t be considerate with your mental and emotional health either. Red flag!
2. If they don’t have empowering, safe, and divinely embodied beliefs.
This a huge one. Someone with unhealthy belief systems will continue to project rejection onto you. This is because they are rejecting themselves deeply and continuing to not feel good enough. You will be held back in the relationship with this other person’s beliefs if you stay. Instead, stay far away—love yourself more and walk away.
3. If they see themselves as the victim.
If they see themselves as the one who is always the victim of something or someone, they aren’t standing in their worth or power. If they are not standing in their worth or power, they won’t allow you to stand in yours in their presence either.
4. If they cannot communicate their emotions clearly.
At the very least, you need someone with a base-level understanding of themselves through their feelings, and they need to be able to share those with you with both confidence and conviction. Without this, the relationship will never be healthy. If you are the only emotionally mature one in the relationship, you will always feel alone.