Recently I received an email from a guy named Tyler who reads my blog. If you want to see what Tyler wrote to me, look at the bottom of this blog. Read through this email, and then see my response here to it.
On first glance, it appears that Tyler has done nothing wrong to make this girl feel the way she’s feeling. And on the surface that’s 100% correct. The problem is that this girl is so confused about men right now, that no matter what Tyler does it is just going to confuse her more.
If a woman is confused, the best thing to do is call her up and say:
“I totally understand what you’re feeling, and I’m here for you 110%. But I think you need to take a few days to get your thoughts together. Once you gather your thoughts, call me and I’ll be there to listen to you and to help you figure this out.”
When women are confused, a lot of men go into salesman mode. So instead of just being there for her and just listening, men tend to try and convince the woman about their intentions.
Sometimes when a woman is vulnerable, she may be having a hard time letting go. She does not want to hear you sell yourself. She wants to know that it’s OK to feel what she’s feeling, and that you’re there to listen and to understand.
So the next time a confused woman comes into your world, take the time to listen…don’t take the time to try and fix her. Allow her the time to process what she’s going through, and if she knows you’re there she will come around.
Here’s Tyler’s email to me:
Hey David…I was wondering if you could make out what this girl is really trying to say to me….I think she wants me, but it will have to be down the road? Am I off with this statement? Any insight would be great.
And here is her email to Tyler:
After Friday night I was ready to cut off all communication with you. I thought about it rationally and decided that we deserve an explanation of what’s going to happen after this. It’s Sunday night and I miss you, but I don’t want loneliness (and hornyness) to affect the outcome of us. I want you to know that I do love you, but this really isn’t what I need or want right now. You were right when you said that I’m afraid to fall in love again. But the real fear is of letting someone get close enough that they impact my decisions. I’ve always defined myself by whatever guy I was attached to, and I’m not going to let anyone, no matter how amazing and perfect for me, get in the way of being me pure and simple, and doing whatever the fuck I want. I’m done letting people control me, and I know you would never intentionally try to do that, but the fact that I feel guilty for leaving you in the dark or any other side effects of me doing whatever the f%^* I want is enough for me to know that I need to walk away. I need to walk now before I start over thinking it and freak out about making the wrong decision. You have done nothing wrong, you have been nothing but amazing to me and I hate the fact that all of this had to happen now. I’m sorry this is so long, and I’m sorry this is on face book, but I always freeze up in emotional situations. I wanted to get my main points out now so we can talk later. I love you too much.
It’s all about giving a woman some breathing room. This girl is young and in that dramatic stage of life.
Feel free to send me your thoughts. You never know, I might answer you tomorrow…
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Written by David Wygant
Originally appeared on DavidWygnant.com
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