A partnership like a democracy
Love should be unconditional, but partnership shouldn’t be. In this partnership, you are not meant to be the sole giver in everything. If that is the case, then you are just setting yourself up to tumble down eventually.
An ideal partnership is like any other group project. It involves ideas clashing, opinions not matching, differences arising — only to resolve it by understanding, accepting each other’s views and then acknowledging it by reaching a compromise that you both agree upon.
Just like in a group project, you might end up taking more load than your fair share, but you know that you except your partner to return the favour when it comes to you. Remember that when you have to ask your SO to give up something on his priority for you — be prepared to do the same for them.
Better yet, have a contingency plan already mapped out, showing them that you know how important it was and that you had thought about it. Not that this is a prototype solution to fix all your clashing plans. It is your partnership — you have to sit down and map out what fits you two the best.
When you have just one
Relationships still work if you have just unconditional love helping you on, even if you don’t have a great partnership or if your partnership is just incompatible, so to say. Just like partnerships — and group projects — work without the parties involved not loving each other.
It takes utmost dedication and a whole load of stubbornness to spend eternity with a person who is either not a good partner or an unconditional lover. Which is how I assume most marriages end up working like — and giving rise to the general belief that the concept of marriages being all shine, no glory — a scam developed to fool us into thinking that fairytale endings exist.
But, When you have both
Can you really uphold both of these aspects? Sure, when it is all written down like this, on a blog that seems full of such easy-sounding advice, it looks like an obvious, no-biggie. When in practice, we all know this is a tough moral – algorithm to stick to. Because we will be always be tempted to take the selfish way out — either in taking without giving enough or when we decide to skip the talk, skip all the opinion clashing and let the other party have their way since it is easier to do at the moment.
But when you truly manage to juggle both — love and partnership in their right form — you have on your hands something so out of the world, that you will find you can work anything out between yourselves.
With this magical mixture, you infuse your relationship with not just love and partnership, but also honesty — because you value your SO’s take on matters along with yours, responsibility — to nurture both of your needs, care — of self and theirs, and trust — trust that you are in this together, both of you upholding the same values together, and neither of you ever trying to sabotage each other’s individuality.
That is where your magical ever after begins.