When Trauma Affects Your Trust In Your Relationship

 / 

taruma affects trust in relationship

When it comes to trauma, it’s like this big, black hole that constantly weighs you down, and also trauma affects your trust on your partner when you are in a relationship.

Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be a huge event or a more subtle pain that you try hard to overlook, though it still haunts you. Collective traumas are suffered by many. They include war, terrorism, an accident, or a catastrophic weather episode that results in death or other forms of mass loss and upheaval.

Individual traumas are those that happen uniquely and specifically to you, such as threats, assaults, abuse, family strife, and physical or mental boundary violations. Individual traumas are often experienced silently and can feel like your own personal prison.

When you’re traumatized, there’s a driving internal force to feel safe and cared for, especially by your partner. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, this can become your central focus as you try to heal. You delve into if/then scenarios in an effort to soothe yourself and look for a way out of that uncomfortable place you are in. If your partner can just reassure you, support you, and help you deal with your pain, then you will feel protected, validated, and able to heal.

Related: 4 Ways To Overcome Past Relationship Trauma That Is Affecting Your Current One

However, it’s essential to be aware that what you’re hoping to receive from the relationship may be unrealistic or disproportionate to what your partner can give.

Trauma is so overwhelming and creates such internal chaos that it distorts your ability to gauge what your partner can realistically offer. This may be in part because they have been traumatized too, whether or not either of you realizes it. Not only does your trauma affect how you perceive the comfort you receive, but your partner’s trauma affects their ability to provide what you’re looking for as you seek out safety and security.

When you’ve endured collective or individual trauma, your trust in how things are supposed to be is drastically altered. In turn, your sense of safety and connection to yourself and others is negatively impacted. You are bracing for the next impact, whether or not one will follow. Understandably, there’s a need within you to secure your foundation and establish or re-establish a sense of stability in the world.

Whether you’re in a new relationship or one that’s established, you may be looking to your partner to do the impossible: fill the void created by trauma.

Be aware that being traumatized is akin to being betrayed, and that you might carry feelings of vulnerability, exposure, and pain. The last thing you want is for your relationship to create further feelings of betrayal and disappointment because you don’t feel understood or validated. Therefore, it’s crucial to remember that your partner comes from a different background, life experience, and has different communication patterns from you.

They exist in a different body and have a different brain. The onus is on you to communicate with your partner and to describe as best you can what you’re feeling and why. Try to resist slipping into a thought process of expecting them to “just know” what you are feeling and experiencing. While your pain may be all-consuming, and those thoughts in your head may be very loud, understand that these feelings belong to you. You might have to power through your own trauma just long enough to help your partner help you to feel better.

For example, patients often describe the things they wished their partner had said or done in certain situations. The disappointment and experience of being let down by them can be a huge disappointment in its own right; it is as if they feel the relationship history and connection should leave little room for error or misunderstanding.

Want to know more about how trauma affects your trust in a relationship? Check this video out below!

Trauma Affects Your Trust In Relationship

Feeling betrayed, misunderstood, and diminished all culminate in what you view as your partner’s insensitivity because your partner did not or could not handle your needs in a way that would better meet your longings. When patients talk about their disappointment, it’s often clear that the extent to which they feel disappointed is not about the partner’s failure to soothe, but about the trauma that preceded it.

You don’t want them to feel your outward anger about what they did wrong – this just perpetuates a cycle of distrust. Your partner is working hard in their own way to forge and maintain the connection. It’s so profoundly important to recognize that your hope for what your partner can give likely far exceeds what they’re capable of giving. This is no one’s fault.

Related: 11 Reasons Why Trust Is More Important Than Love In A Relationship

In approaching your partner to talk about your painful experiences, rather than continue to build a case for disappointment, frustration, and distrust, start a conversation by showing gratitude for what they have done, and acknowledging that it must be so hard for them at times to figure out what you need. Communicate your needs very clearly to them.

Knowledge is power and self-knowledge is the ultimate power. Creating a healthy dialogue around expectations will help you discern whether or not there is enough of an investment by both partners to work on and progress in the relationship. Keep in mind that it is more important to acknowledge your partner’s efforts. Even when they don’t succeed, knowing they are trying to help you through your pain is the most validating contribution they can make to your recovery.


Written by Suzanne Lachmann
Originally Appeared In Dr. Suzanne Lachmann
taruma affects your trust in relationship pin
When Trauma Affects Your Trust In Your Relationship

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

3 Lingering Challenges From a Difficult Childhood

Difficult Childhood: Lingering Challenges It Leaves Behind

Growing up with a difficult childhood leaves marks that can be hard to shake. Childhood adversities and adverse childhood experiences shapes who you become and often presents challenges that linger well into adulthood. Explore three such challenges many people continue to face.

KEY POINTS

Trying to cope with childhood adversities can mean unlearning burdensome habits.

Efforts to drop and replace these troublesome habits are extremely liberating.

Replace your battle with the past with kind acceptance.

In trying to cope with adverse childhood experiences, we sometimes l



Up Next

9 Keys To Healing From Adverse Childhood Experiences

Keys To Healing From Adverse Childhood Experiences

Healing from adverse childhood experiences can feel like an overwhelming journey, but it’s entirely possible with the right guidance. These 9 strategies can help you navigate the path towards recovery and reclaim your sense of well-being. Let’s explore these essential steps together.

KEY POINTS

New therapeutic strategies facilitate the healing of hidden wounds from adverse childhood experiences.

In addition, rich attitudinal strengths greatly facilitate the healing journey.

Nine key healing attitudes are described.

This post is part of a series on adverse childhoo



Up Next

9 Signs Of Unresolved Trauma You Might Miss: The Invisible Burden

Signs Of Unresolved Trauma You Might Miss

Unresolved trauma can sneak into your life and wreak havoc without you even realizing it. From unexpected mood swings to feeling constantly on edge, the signs of unresolved trauma can manifest in various ways.

It’s like carrying an invisible backpack filled with bricks – heavy, painful, and affecting every step you take. If you have ever wondered why certain things trigger intense reactions or why you can’t shake off a sense of unease, you might be dealing with unresolved trauma.

Let’s dive into the signs of unresolved trauma and shed some light on what might be going on the surface. And not just that, we will also explore how to deal with these painful feelings.

Related:



Up Next

Man vs Bear Debate: What is the Right Choice for Women?

Man vs Bear Debate: Is It Safe To Choose a Bear Over Man?

Even though Leonardo Di Caprio has proven that men can beat a bear in strength and intelligence, let’s not get carried away and remember that a bear can be more powerful than men. You can guess that we are here to discuss why women chose bear in the man vs bear debate.

The real question is, what threatens women more? Getting mauled by a bear and meeting a horrific death or getting violated by a man??

Women are inclined to the second option in the viral Man vs Bear debate.



Up Next

10 Warning Signs Of Abandonment Issues In Adults And How To Heal From The Pain

Warning Signs Of Abandonment Issues In Adults

Imagine you are sitting in a bustling coffee shop surrounded by lively conversations, and laughter filling the air. There’s a group of people that catches your eye. They seem to radiate an invisible energy, an unspoken longing for reassurance and connection. Welcome to the world of adults struggling with abandonment issues. Today, we are going to talk about the signs of abandonment issues in adults.

We’ve all heard the phrase “abandonment issues” tossed around, but what does it really mean for grown-ups? They are actually the hidden battles that play out beneath the surface, and which end up shaping your emotions, relationships and self-perception.

Let’s explore some of the biggest signs of abandonment issues in adults, and how the fear of abandonment influences their lives.



Up Next

6 Signs Of High Functioning PTSD: The Silent Battle Within

Signs Of High Functioning PTSD: The Silent Battle Within

You must have heard of high functioning anxiety, and just like that, high functioning PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is also a thing. And understanding what it is, is very important for understanding how complex trauma can be. Well, what is high functioning PTSD?

High functioning PTSD is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that often goes unnoticed because those affected by it seem to have it all together on the surface. But beneath that seemingly calm exterior, the battle rages on.

Today, we are going to explore six important signs that are going to help you identify if you or someone you know is dealing with high functioning PTSD. So, let’s begin, shall we?

Related:



Up Next

7 Telltale Signs Of Unresolved Trauma: Recognizing The Invisible Scars

Telltale Signs Of Unresolved Trauma

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying a weight but you don’t know how it got there? And this heavy feeling is always showing up in unexpected ways. The thing is all of us have had experiences that have changed us in many ways, but the scars still remain. I am talking about unresolved trauma and the signs of unresolved trauma.

Most of the time, it’s easy to ignore or suppress what we feel emotionally, however, but ignoring the signs of unresolved emotional trauma will lead to more problems in the future.

Let’s take a closer look at the seven glaring signs that are telling you that it’s high time you take som