I Divorced You Because I Love You – An honest open letter from a husband to his ex-wife on how years of bonding leads to a lifelong friendship that extends beyond marriage and divorce.
“It was an honor to have you for 20 years. It will be my privilege to be a close friend for the rest of your life.”
Well, today our 20-year marriage ended in courtroom 2-D.
To be honest, it was surreal. When we came to this decision months ago, I felt like the world had ended. In truth, I was afraid of what life would look like now without you. But now, standing here, it seems much more survivable. I read a German proverb once that said, “Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.” And I was truly afraid of life without you. You have been the one constant person in my life for so long. In fact, longer than any other person on earth. You are the voice in my head. I owe you so much for these last 20 years. So I thought I’d let you know a few things on this first day of our new relationship. I know it’s weird writing this to you on this day, but life speeds by and there is simply no time to leave the right words unspoken. So allow me to share a few of my thoughts and feelings from today with you…
You deserve an award for making it 20 years with a man like me.
“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they ‘don’t understand’ one another, but a sign that they have, at least, begun to.” – Helen Rowland
We both know I’m not easy to love. I’m beyond driven, don’t sleep much, make jokes in every situation, and you could always count on me to misbehave. I have taken more than my fair share of risks over our years together. That’s the problem with being married to a person who pursues dreams. You get dragged into adventures you never signed up for. I realized too late that many of my dreams became nightmare situations for you. My passions have always driven me. And that my heart is all about pursuing new things and bold plans. In many ways, my life is like a room full of dynamite… and I sit in that room playing with matches far too often. But hang in there… you were always ready with your southern charm and classy manners to correct my brash nature and follow me into another venture. I realize now that even though we had some real success, it took a toll on those I loved. For that, I am truly sorry.
Statistically, this was a good decision.
We both know that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce… but the other 50 percent end in DEATH! So we really dodged a bullet there 🙂
You are an AWESOME mom.
Your kindness and love for our children is, perhaps, the single most beautiful thing about you. You will never fully know how much I studied your example while we raised these kiddos. You somehow breathe out love and they breathe it in.
I want you to be happy.
You deserve to be happy. Being married and also “in ministry” is often a nightmare. The pressures of having a good marriage make having an authentic one a real struggle. Honestly, I’m happy you don’t have to deal with that anymore. For me, I know this is what I must do with my life. But you deserve much more peaceful life and I’m excited you get that.
For the record, I would have married you all over again… even if I knew it would end like this.
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Yes, we have three amazing kids out of this, but even if there was no Chloe, Titus, and Silas… I still would have picked you. I’m a better and different person today because of you. I cannot imagine going through life without any real-time with you.