Lately, have you been feeling that you are rushing through life and your relationship? Well, maybe you are in a relationship autopilot.
In this age of social media and the daily ‘Routine’, are we truly living our relationships?
It’s 6:30 am and your alarm goes off. Although you’d love to stay wrapped up in the warm coziness of your blankets, everything that you have to do today floods your body, causing you to jump out of bed.
Autopilot has kicked in.
You begin moving through your day like you are speeding down a highway, driving along as if hypnotized, going from one thing to the next. You drop the kids off at school, go to work, attend meetings, navigate conflict with a coworker, pick the kids up from school, run to soccer practice, get home to make dinner, help the kids with homework, feed the dog, clean the kitchen, half-listen to what your spouse is telling you about their day, and put the kids to bed.
You pause for a brief moment and collapse back into your bed, only to start it all over again at 6:30 am the next morning. You can feel anger and resentment bubbling to the surface.
“Is this really my life?”
This is your life on autopilot:
half-awake, frustrated, disconnected from yourself and those around you.
Of course, you need and want to “be there” for your children, your spouse, and your co-workers, but your inner voice can’t help but cry out, “There has to be a better way!”
How do you get yourself off autopilot so you can really live?
It all starts by shifting your focus. The key is to become aware of your feelings, habits, patterns, and general “busyness” so that you can learn to mindfully step outside yourself the moment you notice you’re engaging in your usual autopilot behavior.
Below are three strategies to disengage the autopilot and live an awakened life:
1. Tune in to your body.
The first step to an awakened life is to tune in to what you are feeling.
Take in and become aware of everything your body is sensing.
For example, as you take a shower, focus on how the water feels as it runs down your back. As you drink your morning coffee, tea, or juice, take a moment to enjoy each sip instead of gulping it down. Pause throughout your day, really focusing on how you feel as you interact with your friends, coworkers, and those you love.
Be aware of bids for emotional connection and turn towards them. The point here is to become mindful of what you feel, hear, see, and smell. Become aware of each and every sensation, paying close attention to any faint whispers from your “gut instinct.”
As you begin to get in tune with your body, you will begin to identify when autopilot is taking over. From this space, you can choose what you want to focus on, for yourself and within your relationships.
Want to know more about what you can do to get rid of relationship autopilot? Read The 5 Stages of A Relationship
2. Identify and set your intention.
Focusing on your relationship with your partner, take a moment to tune in to what you want.
What is your intention when you are with them?
Your intention might be to listen more deeply, let go of blame and criticism, or simply to be more honest, vulnerable, or present.
Whatever your intention, set aside a few minutes at the beginning of each day to reflect on your desired outcome.
With kindness and self-compassion, take responsibility for and release what is preventing you from fully engaging. Without judgment, be mindful of what is happening.