Here are a few ways to start the healing process-
6 steps to fix a toxic relationship
#1 Go no contact
First and foremost, take a break from the relationship. No, I am not asking you to break up. I am simply suggesting you to take a break from each other and avoid contact for 3-4 weeks. Of course, this can be a bit hard if you are married or live together. In this case, you can either minimize contact or live with your parents or bunk up with a friend for a while. You can also go for a solo vacation for a few weeks.
Going no contact will give you and your partner some time off from each other and allow you to spend more time with yourself. This is not a strategy or a scheme to make your partner value you more. It is simply the quintessential way to reset your relationship. You can use this time to reflect on your relationship, think about when things started going downhill and how much you are at fault for turning the relationship toxic. It will also make you and your partner miss each other and realize how much value you hold in each other’s lives. No contact will remove the toxic influence and bring the focus back on love and affection. Ever heard of the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder”?
#2 Focus on love
During your no contact period, take time out to think about your relationship. But instead of focusing on the problems, try to remind yourself why you fell in love with your partner and how much you love them. Take out a notebook and note down all the reasons why you love boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask yourself why are you searching the internet for how to fix a toxic relationship. The answer is simple, you still love them. Shift your focus to the good feelings and how much they mean to you.
#3 Accept that you are at fault too
Understand, identify and accept your mistakes that has led your relationship into toxic territory. Whatever has turned things sour, both you and your partner are equally at fault. By accepting your own faults you will be able to fix at least half the issues. Fixing yourself is easier than fixing your partner’s problems. Right? So start by identifying your part in all this drama and heal yourself to make things better.
By taking responsibility for your own reactions and feelings and letting go of your expectations from your partner, you will open yourself up to understanding your partner better and what exactly needs to be fixed in your relationship.
#4 Stop trying to be a savior
Stop taking responsibility for your partner’s feelings. That doesn’t mean you will insult and avoid them and not expect them to react. What I mean is you shouldn’t take the blame for your partner’s emotions and reactions even when it is not your fault. We all tend to have expectations from a relationship. And there will be several instances where our expectations will not be met by our partners for whatever reasons. Having said that, as long as you are committed and faithful, it is not your responsibility to meet every expectation your boyfriend or girlfriend might have from you.
So if they feel hurt or unloved because their expectations were unmet, then repeat to yourself that it’s not your fault. Feeling guilty or taking blame will not make things better in the long run. Sooner or later, these feelings will come out and make things worse. Stop being a savior. It’s not your job to save the relationship.
#5 Talk it out
I simply cannot overemphasize the importance of communication in a healthy relationship. Engage in deep, meaningful conversations with your partner. Talk about things that matter to you, talk about things that have hurt you, appreciate what you like about them, talk about life, talk about love, emotions, passions and everything that’s on your mind.
Effective communication can give your relationship the restart you need right now. You might feel vulnerable by talking about your deepest emotions and thoughts, but in the end, it will all be worth it. Talk to your partner even when things feel uncomfortable. It will allow you to understand your relationship better and know exactly where you stand. Talk about the difficult things and let your partner know how much you love them