I moved to Nashville. Shannon and I quickly became close friends. Shannon was attractive, engaging and witty. When we sat at a restaurant bar or table, she always made sure she had the advantage seat. Time and time again, she asked me to give up my bar stool so she could sit between me and a girlfriend.
Shannon exploded at me one happy hour evening because I couldn’t save her a bar stool in a jam-packed restaurant. Her indignation knocked me backwards. A bar stool soon opened beside me and Shannon asked me to change seats with her so she could sit between me and our girlfriend—and then she turned her back to me the entire evening while cheerfully talking with our friend.
When someone rejects you, you may erroneously assume that their opinion is also the opinion of others.
I was new to this small circle of Nashville friends and I depended on Shannon for invitations to parties, events and happy hour.
Shannon stop inviting me to her get-togethers and she declined my invitations. I saw Facebook posts of her and her friends meeting at happy hour and having fun together. Her Facebook posts intensified my feelings of rejection. I imagined that Shannon was dissing me to her friends and that her disapproval of me was also her friends’ disapproval.
My self-esteem took a nosedive and I slipped into a black hole of rejection.
It took a lifetime for me to work through my low self-esteem issues. It took Shannon 30 seconds to resurrect my self-doubt and insecurities.
My negative inner voice seized the opportunity to accuse and condemn me. She told me was out-spoken and boisterous and that my over-the-top personality put people off. I ceased feeling confident and affable. I felt like no one liked me and I hung my head in humiliation, hoping it would all blow over.
It’s not you!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
— Eleanor Roosevelt
When someone says or does something that is unkind and rejecting, it is MOST likely not about you, but about their mindset and attitudes. Who you are and what you offer doesn’t meet their expectations or their requirements.
Shannon‘s lack of self-esteem and self-absorbed personality fueled her need to be the center of attention and control the conversation. When she could no longer manipulate me, my friendship was no longer of value to her.
My ex-husband was innately an emotionally detached man. He tried his damnedest to convince me that my need for his honesty, communication and orderliness around the house was the ice pick in our relationship. I eventually realized that he had duplicated the marriage he had with his previous wife, living as roommates, void of emotions, love and sex.
Rhonda had stronger emotional ties with a longtime friend. She shortchanged me (consciously or unconsciously) so she could meet her BFF for a drink.
I chose to believe that Rhonda’s behavior was an unintentional social faux pas and I privately forgave her.
I divorced my mentally retarded husband and I went on to write my fourth self-help book.
I deleted Shannon from my Facebook friends and iPhone contacts and I excluded her from my happy hour get-togethers, parties and events.
When I thought no one loved me, my son living in another state called to tell me about his new car. My girlfriend and her husband invited me to join them for cocktails. My cowboy friend invited me to a fabulous day-trip trail ride with his friends. And I received a letter from girlfriend who had horribly wronged me, wanting to reconcile our friendship.
Written By Nancy Nichols Originally Published on knowitallnancy.com Republished with permission