Emotional attachment can be a tricky thing to navigate when it comes to falling for someone too fast.
It can be frustrating if you frequently feel like you’re falling in love with a new guy, and then he doesn’t feel the same, or the relationship otherwise goes downhill. You wonder why it’s so easy for you to give your heart up to guys who don’t appreciate the fact…and why you keep falling for the wrong guy.
Not every woman is like this. Can you look back at your past several relationships and see a pattern of you falling hard for a guy in just a matter of weeks?
If so, you might have the habit of getting attached too soon.
The problem with emotional attachment is that it is not love. It looks a lot like love: you get all gaga when you look at him. You miss him. You want to spend all your time with him.
But the difference between love and emotional attachment is that you may have unhealthy neediness that makes you feel connected to this guy. You may panic if he doesn’t answer your text right away. You might demand that he spend more time on you.
This is not love.
Love is not selfish. It does not demand.
Love is about balance. It happens when two people want (note I didn’t say need) each other, but can stand independently of one another. People in love want to give to one another, not take.
Now that we’ve cleared up why emotional attachment early in a relationship isn’t a good thing, let’s look at some of the reasons why you might fall hard for a man too soon.
1. You’ve Dealt with Abandonment in your Childhood
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean you were left alone in a cardboard box as a child.
You may have had a parent who wasn’t there when you needed them. Maybe they missed that soccer game where you scored the winning goal or your high school graduation, and you’ve harbored some resentment toward your parents ever since.
Maybe the abandonment was more serious.
Either way, it’s continued to affect you in your adult relationships.
If you dealt with abandonment during your childhood, you’re going to have more of a tendency to pull people towards you quickly and be fearful of letting them go. You may even seek men with whom abandonment feels natural… even if you don’t know you’re doing it.
You’ll subconsciously attract men who don’t give themselves fully, you’ll seek their approval, become dependent on it, and begin to feed off of it.
These men are not relationship material, I’m sorry to say. They’re emotional vampires.
They may leave you, either because they’ve gotten their fill of your neediness (some people find it gives them a sense of control) or because they’re overwhelmed with it.
So where does that leave you? Alone for life?
Not at all. But I’m going to be real with you:
You need to realize that you’re no longer a helpless child. You’re an adult who can make decisions for herself. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t mean it will happen in the future.
You can — and should — open your heart to a man that wants to be with you completely, who is willing to open up and give himself to you.
You don’t need to cajole or trick him into loving you. You don’t even have to rush into it.
Love can take time. Even a few months into a relationship, you can’t really know another person well. Take your time in the process. Falling in love is a beautiful thing, so if it’s going to happen, enjoy the (slow) ride.
2. You Get Distracted by “Shiny” Male Qualities
Ooh, he owns a red Ferrari!
Damn, he is the hottest guy I’ve ever dated.
It’s easy to get distracted by a guy’s superficial features, but be wary of those features convincing you that you’re in love. Typically, this stuff is only skin-deep, and we know better than to judge by external features…don’t we??
(Though, ladies, you’re not proving me wrong about this superficial stuff; recent research shows that women still prefer men with “muscles and money.” C’mon, gals! Give the rest of us a chance!)
Many women find that emotional attachment happening when the guy looks great on paper. Financially stable, owns a couple of restaurants, has all his hair…what’s not to love?
(This list may not include his sharp temper, bad breath, or miserliness). But realize that none of these qualities are of substance and love-worthy. Also realize that sometimes, the very thing you were attracted to in the beginning is what makes the relationship difficult later on.
So in the Ferrari-driving, restaurant-owning example, you might think this guy is hot shit. Your friends even love him.