Ladies, stop pursuing men and let them chase you. If you are looking for a lasting relationship then you need to stop falling into the traps of casual dating and rely on good old fashioned courtship to find real love.
And no, it’s not sexist!
In almost every area of life, women have achieved and excelled in significant ways. But when it comes to how to find love, the opposite is still true. Many women feel disappointed and frustrated with the lack of progress — love is still complicated and elusive.
The women’s liberation movement empowered many women to pursue men, causing a negative shift in the dynamics between men and women over time. More and more women are acting like men in their love lives. They’re initiating dates and communication, making sexual advances, and trying to make love happen.
Since many women are pursuing men, men no longer feel the need to step up and be the man. They can sit back, relax, and wait for women to make the first move.
The problem is, while that may seem like a win-win for both sides, it’s really deceptively liberating — both for women AND men — and it causes the inability for a woman and a masculine man to connect on a deeper level so they can have lasting love.
Here are a few reasons why women and men have a hard time connecting more deeply:
- It can feel liberating to pursue and initiate with men. The deceptive part is when a woman acts like a man, she goes against the natural way masculine men and women are wired. It’s more natural for a masculine man to pursue a woman he’s interested in. When a woman pursues a masculine man, she is essentially saying, “I’m the leader. Follow me.” Masculine men like to lead, and if a woman is leading, it causes the energy of competition instead of collaboration and connection.
- Men have been conditioned to believe that showing their emotions and being vulnerable is weak. So it’s in their nature to keep things more on the surface level, even with friends and family.
- It’s a known fact that women are better equipped to cultivate deeper relationships. They’re used to sharing personal stories and having meaningful conversations with friends and family. These meaningful conversations cultivate the conditions for love to thrive.
- In order to help a man open up, it’s actually about how a woman is being, not what she’s doing. So when she’s in “man” mode, she’s in the “doing” mode which prevents both from connecting at a deeper level. When she’s in the “being” mode (i.e., open and receptive), she creates the space for a man to open up and share his true thoughts and feelings.
Reversing the decline of true and lasting love. If you’re a smart, successful woman, you may struggle with the desire to let a man do things for you and the need to prove yourself.
You may be carrying the weight of women feeling repressed for decades, feeling less than men, and having to prove you’re just as good as any man in your career. That struggle is a reflection of spending years working in patriarchal environments and learning to make masculine traits your strength.
If you relate to what I’ve just shared, chances are, you feel pulled in opposite directions — wanting a man to step up and lead, and wanting to be seen as independent and capable.
Here’s the truth: continuing to approach love like a man will keep making love more elusive. You’ll continue feeling disappointed and frustrated about ever finding love.
The good news is you have the power to turn things around by taking the path less traveled: courtship. But don’t worry, courtship does not have to be outdated or sexist.
If you’re cringing at the thought of courtship or if you have a preconceived notion about it, you may think of courtship as being sexist and outdated. You may think courtship made sense during your grandparent’s era when women had to be more passive because they weren’t able to support themselves financially.