Girlfriend Wants Him To Cut Off A Friend Over Past Crush! Is It Fair Or Too Extreme?

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Unexpected: Man's Girlfriend Wants Him To Cut Off A Friend

A Man faces a dilemma as his girlfriend wants him to cut off a friend who had a crush on him when he saw him for the first time. This man sought advice from Reddit after getting into a fight with his girlfriend.

He enquired on the Reddit community r/AmITheA-hole whether his response to his girlfriend’s demand was appropriate or whether she had crossed the reasonable boundary. 

Reddit post of the man whose girlfriend wants him to cut off a friend.

Girlfriend Believes It Is A Reasonable Boundary

In the midst of an advice-seeking post, a 25-year-old man revealed that he and his girlfriend, Lizzie, also 25, recently spent time with his longtime college best friend, Jack, aged 26. Notably, the man mentioned that Jack identifies as gay.

Their friendship has spanned approximately seven years, starting from their first year at university, while the man’s relationship with Lizzie has lasted for nine months.

During a casual gathering at Jack’s apartment, the trio engaged in conversation about past romantic experiences from their college days. Lizzie inquired if Jack had ever harbored feelings for the man. Jack responded playfully with a smile, saying, “Well, who wouldn’t?”

As per the man’s account, Lizzie persisted in the topic, in a light-hearted manner. He sensed Jack becoming slightly uncomfortable, but Jack eventually revealed that he indeed had a crush on the man when they initially met, a fact the man himself was unaware of.

In response, the man made a casual remark about it being a shame that he was straight because they would have made a cute couple. Jack laughed and agreed, stating that he thought the man and Lizzie made an even cuter couple. The conversation swiftly moved on from there.

At the time, Lizzie didn’t display any signs of distress. According to the man, she responded by calling the situation “sweet.”

Girlfriend Wants Him To Cut Off A Friend, Controlling Behavior In A Relationship

In the aftermath of their evening, upon returning home, the man was informed that his girlfriend wants him to cut off a friend Jack due to Jack’s past romantic interest in him when they first met.

According to the man, Lizzie expressed her discomfort with him being friends with someone who had previously been attracted to him, believing it to be a reasonable boundary in their relationship and she is not showing controlling behavior in a relationship. Lizzie just wanted him to cut off a friend for the sake of their relationship.

Read more here: How To Deal With An Overly Controlling Partner

Feeling taken aback, the man countered by highlighting that Jack’s past crush from their 18-year-old selves did not imply any current romantic interest or inappropriate behavior. He defended their friendship, emphasizing that Jack was a close friend who had done nothing wrong.

Lizzie became upset and argued that severing ties with Jack was a basic expectation in a relationship, where prioritizing one’s partner over friends who had expressed attraction was customary.

Man's Girlfriend wants him to unfriend his friend who once had a crush on him.

Describing the subsequent circular conversation, the man recounted Lizzie discussing boundary issues in a relationship while he insisted that her reasoning lacked coherence.

Eventually, Lizzie proposed a compromise wherein he would never spend time alone with Jack but could still maintain their friendship.

However, the man refused, asserting that there was no need for supervision or chaperoning in their interactions. Lizzie retired to bed, expressing her disappointment that he prioritized Jack over her.

Read more here: Denial Of Bad Behavior: What You Can Do

The following morning, Lizzie left for work before the man woke up, which was a usual routine. As of now, they have not had a chance to speak about the matter.

Reflecting on Lizzie’s uncharacteristic behavior, the man questioned whether he might be the one displaying unreasonableness, considering Lizzie had never exhibited signs of jealousy before and she knows her reasonable boundary.


Boundary issues in a relationship

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