8 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Is Grieving

 / 

,
Grieving

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest and most painful things a human being can ever go through. Even if you were prepared for their passing, when it actually does happen, it feels like the wind has been knocked out from you and you’re falling into a dark, unending abyss. To say that grief is heartbreaking is an understatement. Even though grieving your loved ones is necessary for healing, the journey is not exactly a very easy one, is it?

When someone close to you is grieving, it can be hard to see them in pain, and naturally, you would want to make them feel better. But sometimes, even though your intentions might be pure, certain statements can end up making them feel worse (even if they are not hurtful statements, per se).

When it comes to comforting and supporting a grieving person, always keep these three things in mind – showing empathy, being a good listener, and giving them the love and support they need to heal from their pain, which also means avoiding making certain statements.

8 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Is Grieving

1. “At least they are not suffering anymore, and are in a better place now.”

Even though you might have their best interests at heart, this one statement can break their heart even more. When you lose a loved one, all you care about is the fact that they are not there anymore; it’s an entirely emotional thing, and logic and rationality never help. This statement can also make them feel as if you are taking their grief casually, and minimizing their pain. 

So instead of reminding them of the person who is not there anymore, focus on how they are feeling. They might be glad that their loved one is not suffering anymore, but the pain of losing them is still fresh. Try to be there for them by understanding what THEY are going through and give them a shoulder to cry on if needed.

Related: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief: When No One Understands Your Loss

2. “I can understand how you might be feeling.”

This statement might seem harmless and supportive, but sometimes it can come across as insensitive and tone-deaf. Everyone’s process of grieving is different, and it’s not always possible to know exactly how they are feeling when they are in pain. So making a statement like this can make them feel invalidated and patronized. 

If you want to actually show support then instead of deciding how they feel, let them talk to you about their real feelings. Let them express the emotions they’re going through because this will not just help them heal, it will also make them appreciate your efforts more. 

3. “It’s amazing how well you’re handling this.”

Even if they seem alright from the outside, chances are they are just putting on a brave face to deal with their grief. On top of that, if you appreciate them for handling everything perfectly, it might make them think that their grieving is not that big of a deal, and they will end up suppressing their true feelings. Until and unless you know for sure, that they are actually getting better at dealing with the pain, refrain from making statements like this. 

Acknowledge that they might be in a lot of pain, and let them know that it’s okay. Let them grieve the way they want to and give them the time, space, and understanding to come to terms with the loss, no matter how long it takes. Be supportive, not patronizing. 

when someone is grieving

4. “How are you holding up?”

Again, this is one of those really harmless statements that everyone asks the grieving person. But what you don’t see is how the aggrieved person is interpreting this seemingly harmless question.

When you’re asking someone this question, chances are they’re hearing something like, ‘I really, really hope you’re doing okay because I don’t really know what to do to make you feel better.” This leads to them bottling up their true feelings, and behaving as if they’re fine so as not to make you feel uncomfortable. 

Instead, ask them this – “It must be very hard for you right now. Please tell me how I can help.”. When you speak to them like this, it makes them feel confident enough to open up in front of you about how they are truly feeling. They don’t feel like a burden on you, rather they can count on you for support which makes it a bit easier for them to handle their grief. 

Related: Behind The Veil Of Grief

5. “Give it some time, because time heals everything.”

This is one of the worst and most insensitive things you can ever tell to a grieving person. When someone is grieving, all they can think about is the person they have lost forever. So telling them that time will make everything better, is not just minimizing and belittling their pain, it’s also giving off the message that healing from something like this is easy.

If you genuinely want to show your support to a grieving person, don’t make them feel like they need to rush their healing. Be there for them, and give them enough empathy and support so that they can feel what they want to feel, and grieve the way they want to grieve. 

6. “It’s okay, you can…”

If someone has lost their spouse, and if you’re suggesting that they can get remarried after some time (even if you have their best interests at heart), it will actually make them feel worse. You know why? Because to them, it sounds like you’re implying that the one they lost is replaceable, and the grief they are feeling is not that big of a deal. 

Instead of giving suggestions like this, focus on being an attentive listener, as they will appreciate this much more. When someone is grieving, thinking about the future, or thinking about having a future with someone else can be overwhelmingly painful. Help them deal with their grief by taking one step at a time, and assuring them that you’ll always be there for them.

7. “You have to be strong for your family.”

This one-liner is notoriously difficult to endure when someone is grieving, but unfortunately, most people don’t understand how horrible it feels to get this advice. When you tell someone to be strong for their family and keep their emotions in check, you’re giving them the message that their pain doesn’t matter as much as others. They should be strong for others at the cost of their own grief. This makes it difficult for them to heal, and can even prove to be a traumatic experience for them. 

Never make anyone feel as if they need to suppress their emotions, just because they have other people relying on them. Just like others, their feelings matter too and are equally valuable. If they don’t grieve and feel what they need to feel, they will never be okay and the loss and pain will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Being strong for your family doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your own healing. 

Related: 10 Lessons We Can Learn From Grief

8. Never bothering to even talk to them. 

Despite knowing that someone close to you has lost a loved one and is grieving, and you still don’t reach out to them, then that’s insensitive and horrible on another level. Losing a loved one is a heart-wrenching experience, and if you don’t stand by them during such a tumultuous time, you will end up hurting them even more. 

Meet up with them and offer your condolences. Reminisce about the person who has passed away and share the wonderful memories both of you have with them. This will not just help them remember the departed soul fondly, but will also make them feel a little less alone and a lot more understood. 

Helping someone heal is one of the most powerful and best things you can do for them, but only as long as you do it right. When you are comforting a grieving person, avoid saying things like these, and try to make them feel loved, supported, and understood. Because sometimes, the best things you can do for someone are really that simple. 


Grieving PIn
Ads

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

Butterfly Hug Method: 6 Remarkable Benefits of Hugging Yourself for Anxiety Relief

The Butterfly Hug Method: Benefits Of Hugging Yourself

If you’re someone who deals with anxiety on a daily basis, you will agree that anxiety often seems like an unwanted guest. It burdens you and makes it difficult to be at peace with yourself. But what if I told you that there was a really nice and effective method to deal with such tumultuous moments? I’m talking about the butterfly hug method.

The butterfly hug technique is considered to be a gentle and effective means of calming anxiety. With its roots in trauma therapy, this method has earned recognition for its capacity to offer solace and alleviate distress.

In this article, we are going to explore the b



Up Next

5 Signs Of Dating Burnout: Hitting The Wall in Love?

Signs Of Dating Burnout: Hitting The Wall in Love?

Ever felt like you’ve hit a brick wall in your love life? That’s dating burnout for you, and it’s more common than you think. It’s that overwhelming feeling when the search for “The One” starts to feel more like a chore than a journey of the heart. Let’s dive into the five telltale signs that you might be experiencing this modern love dilemma.

KEY POINTS

Burnout is usually characterized by a feeling that no matter what one does, nothing will improve, often leading to feelings of apathy.

One study found that 78 percent of adults aged 18-54 have experienced online dating burnout.



Up Next

15 Diverse Movies Dealing With Mental Illness In A Compelling Way

Movies Dealing With Mental Illness In An Accurate Way

Are you ready to dive deep into the human mind? These movies dealing with mental illness offer support in such a beautiful way. All of them will touch sensitive emotions and will show you how you can triumph over them.

About 1 in 5 adults in the US has a diagnosed mental health condition. But when it comes to diversity in movies, not every picture hits the mark. A few even perpetuate harmful stereotypes or flat-out make things up.

But worry not! We’ve made a list of 11 best mental health films that manage to showcase mental health issues as accurately and res



Up Next

5 Signs You Are Afraid Of Being Seen: Invisible Walls

Signs You Are Afraid Of Being Seen: Invisible Walls

Do you ever feel like you are afraid of being seen, and that’s why you have erected several walls around you so that no one can see your vulnerable side? This article is going to explore five signs you are afraid of being seen and what the fear of being seen really means.

Deep down, most of us want to be seen and accepted for who we are. Showing up fully in your relationships and allowing yourself to be seen is a vulnerable experience that requires you to let your guard down.

On the one hand, taking such a risk can feel incredibly anxiety-provoking, while on the other hand, not taking such a risk can cause your relationships to feel stagnant and block them from growing.



Up Next

Supercharge Your Social Energy: The Ultimate Guide On How To Recharge Social Battery

Pro Tips On How To Recharge Social Battery And Revitalize

Do you find yourself mentally and emotionally drained after being around people, even if you like them? Do you often feel the need to rejuvenate yourself by spending some time alone? This happens when your ‘social battery’ is running low. What is a social battery and how to recharge social battery? Let’s find out.

What does Social Battery Actually Mean?

The idea of social battery refers to an individual’s ability to engage socially



Up Next

Defrost Your Spirit: 10 Ways To Beat The Winter Blues

Ways To Beat The Winter Blues And Defrost Your Spirit

If you’re someone who is plagued by the winter blues every year, then this article is the perfect find for you. In this article, we are going to talk about how to beat the winter blues, and 10 of the most effective but simple ways to beat the winter blues.

KEY POINTS

We all experience the winter blues sometimes, and that’s OK.

We can use simple strategies to increase energy, motivation, and hopefulness, even on the darkest of days.

We can decide when to lean in and when to push back on the winter blues—either choice is valid.



Up Next

Mind-Body Harmony: 7 Powerful Somatic Exercises For Anxiety That Will Heal You

somatic exercises for anxiety

Being overwhelmed by anxiety is like being trapped on a never-ending rollercoaster ride you didn’t want to go on in the first place. However, what if I told you that there’s a way to disembark the anxiety train and find peace? Somatic exercises for anxiety are the answer.

Somatic healing exercises can calm your anxious mind and bring your entire being back into balance. These can be incredibly powerful as they connect your mind and body, allow you to understand your inner strength, and let go of all your pent-up emotions.

We’ve compiled for you seven somatic exercises for anxiety that will mak