9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting

 / 

9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting

Has it been a long time since you have been together, and now, you are struggling to keep your relationship alive and bring back that spark from before?

As a sex therapist, I’m used to seeing couples who’ve lost touch. Couples who have forgotten why they fell in love or why they used to love having sex with other another. Being trained in sexology and psychotherapy, I know all about the different things that keep a relationship alive.

If you’re looking for ways to put the spark back into your marriage or relationship - the following 9 things will help you get there.

1. Learn How To Fight Properly

Conflicts. We all have them. Even in the best of relationships, our tempers get the best of us, causing us to lash out or make a not-so-nice remark.

I get it - arguing about the laundry for the 58th time this week isn’t exactly thrilling (at least not in a positive way!).

But fighting is inevitable.

According to researchers John & Julie Gottman, there are solvable arguments and unsolvable ones - and the unsolvable ones amount to 69% of all of our conflicts.

What this means is we have to learn how to fight properly. Being able to deal with our own irritation and anger and knowing how to handle our partner is paramount to relationship success.

By learning how to accept our differences and let pettiness go, by learning how to negotiate and work together as a team, by finding ways of dealing with the unsolvable arguments - we’re far more likely to stay together and grow together.

Want to know how you can have arguments in a healthy way? Read Conflict Doesn’t Ruin a Relationship, a Lack of Connection Does

2. Reminisce About That Memory

If we’re lucky, there are a few sexual moments we’ve shared with our partners that really stand out. One of the things that keep a relationship alive is reminiscing about them - together.

When your sexual desire is waning it usually needs a push in the right direction to appear. For many, especially those who identify as women, sexual desire is a responsive feeling, meaning that it, much like our other feelings, needs to be triggered in order to come alive.

By talking about a sexual experience from the past you’re giving your mind and your body a chance to remember how enjoyable sex was.

3. Don’t Believe You Know Your Partner

When you’ve been together for a long time it’s common to fall into the trap of thinking you know everything about the other person.

You know they love brie but hate camembert, that they’re afraid of spiders but pretend they’re not.

You also know they prefer having sex with the lights turned off and think sexting is stupid or embarrassing.

Or - do you?

A lot of times you might think you know exactly what your partner’s thoughts and needs are - but, if you ask your partner, you might just find that you don’t. Not always.

Over the course of a relationship, most of us change our minds about stuff or discover something new. It doesn’t have to be big or life-changing, but it happens and it matters.

By giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and asking them instead of assuming, you’ll be cultivating interest in one another and you’ll ignite that flame.

4. Lean On Someone Else

Our partner can be our biggest supporter and our biggest comfort, but they shouldn’t be our only support and comfort.

We might not mean to do it, but in good relationships, we often end up turning our partner or spouse into our therapist.

Relying solely on your partner can quickly zap the romance out of your relationship or marriage.

If this sounds like you and you’re looking for things to keep a relationship alive, try seeking comfort in a friend, co-worker or family member next time you need a shoulder to cry on. It might just be what you and your partner need to get back on track!

Interested to know how your friends can help your relationship? Read How Having Friends Outside Your Marriage Benefits the Marriage Itself

5. Don’t Believe Passion Decay Is Irreversible

Long relationships usually an equal waning passion. But according to research on the matter by Finkell & Carswell, how we think about this phenomenon affects what happens in our relationship.

The researchers mean that those who believe in inevitable and irreversible passion decay in long-term relationships are more likely to show less commitment in their current relationship and seek romance outside of it.

However, understanding that passion decay isn’t irreversible can lead to us staying in an otherwise good relationship and marriage.

In other words - if you’re looking for things that keep a relationship alive - believing you can regain the feelings of passion you once shared is definitely one to work on.

6. Plan A Surprise

When we’ve been together for a while our relationships can go a little stale. The daily grind can really wear it down. If this sounds like you, you might want to try planning a surprise for your loved one.

By planning a surprise for your partner you’re letting them know they’re still a top priority. You’re showing them you care and you love them.

Planning a surprise for your partner or spouse doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be as simple as ordering takeout from their favorite restaurant, giving them a massage after a long, grueling day at the office, or initiating sex in the way you know they love.

Things that keep a relationship alive don’t have to be difficult - they just need to be done. Take turns surprising one another and see what it does for your relationship.

7. Go See A Sex Therapist When Things Are Good

As most couples therapists will tell you - a large portion of clients start therapy when it’s too late.

When things have escalated and are irreparable.

When their relationship has been on the rocks for years.

By going to therapy before things get really bad, you’ll be in a much better position to learn the skills needed to enhance your relationship and to actually use the tools we give you.

If you really want to be proactive about it, seeing a couple’s therapist who specializes in sex therapy is a great idea.

Sex is often difficult to talk about and when we’ve been together for a long time, our sex drive tends to dwindle. By seeing a sex therapist together you can learn how to explore each other’s sexuality and keep growing sexually - together.

Want to know what experts think about sex in long term relationships? Read 104 Experts Reveal The TRUTH About sex In Marriage

8. Ban Orgasms

Sex can be a wonderful experience, be it with orgasms or without them. However, society often makes us feel like we need to have an orgasm in order for our sex lives to be “successful”.

Not only is this not true, but it’s also pretty stressful and sort of misses the mark. Sex isn’t about the goal - it’s about the journey.

By introducing a playful orgasm ban you can help keep the flame of desire going (or awaken it!). Enforcing this type of rule helps you get creative and our libido thrives on novelty.

9. Talk, Talk And Then Talk Some More

Communication in the relationship is crucial. Despite most of us knowing this, amidst the long to-do lists and emails at work, we often forget to communicate.

Perhaps we buckle down and stop telling our partner what’s going on.

We forget to ask them how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking.

We take our relationship and our partner for granted - without ever meaning to.

In order to sustain intimacy and cultivate passion, it’s important to keep the conversation going. As we already established in tip no. 3, continuing to show interest in your partner by not assuming you always know what they’re thinking, is one of the things that keep a relationship alive.

By talking about your hopes, dreams, fears, and worries, you’ll be increasing intimacy and sustaining it too.

There are lots of things that keep a relationship alive, and it’s important you believe you can get that passion back - if you want to.

Learning how to deal with conflict, talking about positive sexual memories, cultivating interest in one another, leaning on others in times of need, believing you can get that passion back, surprising each other, seeing a sex therapist, banning orgasms during sex, and talking, are all excellent ways of doing it.

By using the tips outlined in this article, you’ll be well on your way to a relationship back in swing!


Sex is an important part of any relationship. If you feel that the sex is waning in your relationship, then don’t worry, because there are a lot of things you can do to bring the spark back in your bedroom. Just have faith in each other, and love each other just the way you used to in the beginning, and the excitement will return in no time.

If you want to know more about how you can keep your relationship exciting, then you might like this video:

This article was originally published at Therapy by Leigh.

9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting
9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Want To Try Speed Dating? 6 Mindful Tips To Make A Real Connection

What Is Speed Dating: Interesting Tips To Real Connections

Is speed dating the most effective way to find your soul mate through a series of mini dates? Do you feel like giving this exciting trend a try? Let’s see how it works.

This is an event format that allows people to go on many dates within a short time to talk with several people.

Let’s discuss what speed dating is like, how it operates, and some suggestions on optimizing your love life!

What Is Speed Dating?



Up Next

Is He Drifting Away? 8 Signs He Is Losing Interest And How To Turn Things Around

Signs He Is Losing Interest: Is He Drifting Away?

It’s one of the worst feelings in this world when the person you love, starts to lose interest in you. You thought that everything was going great and you are the happiest you have ever been, and then suddenly, you realize that he is acting very distant and emotionally detached. Today we are going to talk about the major signs he is losing interest.

Once you know these signs you will be able to better understand what’s actually going on in your relationship, instead of staying in a bubble, not knowing the truth. Also, why do guys act so interested then pull away? So annoying!

And we won’t just talk about the signs he is losing interest, but we will also provide some effective and useful tips regarding what to do when he lost interest.

Whether you are in a new relationship or have been together for years



Up Next

How Healthy Relationships Can Improve Your Physical Health

How Healthy Relationships Can Improve Your Physical Health

Healthy relationships are crucial for feeling happy, positive, and also physically healthy. The physical benefits of healthy relationships are a lot, and this article is going to talk about that in detail. Let’s find out the importance of having strong and healthy relationships.

Humans need humans to survive.

It’s no secret that a healthy relationship can bring joy and happiness to your life, but did you know that it can also have a positive impact on your physical health?

From reducing stress levels to boosting your immune system, there are many surprising health benefits to being in a happy partnership. Read on to learn more.

We are social creatures who thrive on strong, healthy relationships with friends, colleagues and family me



Up Next

When You Refuse To Let Go Of Someone You Love, Even When They Don’t Love You Anymore

Why You Should Let Go Of Someone You Love

I get it. You don’t want to let go of someone you love. Even when it’s clear that it’s over. Even when it’s clear that it is time and things will only get worse from here. Yet, you want to hold on just a little longer. But if you truly love someone let them go.

“No! No! It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine. It’s working. Listen to me, I know it’s working. This is normal. Show me a relationship that doesn’t have problems. I will make it work. I know I can. Just give me a little time. Just a little more time. Please, just bear with me for a second here. Please. Don’t take it away from me yet. Please. It’s not time. It can’t be. Will you just listen to me once for god’s sake?”

But deep down you know it in your heart. You just know it. It is screaming at you. And even though you may pretend you



Up Next

7 Warning Signs Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship And How to Rediscover Your Sense of Self

Signs Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship

Are you starting to feel like you have lost yourself in a relationship? Do you have this persistent feeling that you don’t know who you are anymore? You know, that feeling when you are so caught up in someone else’s world, that you forget who you are? Well, these are just some signs of losing yourself in a relationship.

Believe it or not, this is actually quite a common feeling, and lots of people experience this. If you have ever felt like you have lost yourself in a relationship, then this article can be a godsend for you.

Let’s delve into the all those signs of losing yourself in a relationship, so that you can stop yourself from doing so (at least to some extent!). And not just this, we will also talk about what to do when you lose yourself in a relationship. So, are you ready to explore this? Let’s go then!



Up Next

How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Desperately Trying To Hold On To

How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Trying To Hold On To

Do you know what happens when you desperately hold on to someone you really need to let go of? When you hold on to the idea of “us” and refuse to see the reality for what it is? You force the person you love the most in the world to hate you. You compel them to resent you. And in this process, you hurt yourself more than the other person did. This is why it’s crucial that we talk about how to let go of someone you don’t want to lose.

No one wants to let go of love

Especially when it’s the real deal. Especially when you’ve been told you are not worthy of love all your life. And this one person comes into your life and completely changes



Up Next

15+ Quotes From “Bridgerton” That Depict Obsessive Yearning

Best Bridgerton Quotes About Love And Romance

If you like romances and things from the Regency era, these Bridgerton quotes show how obsession can be a form of longing. This Netflix series features several love stories in which the characters experience intense desire and emotions.

Through eloquent dialogues and passionate interactions, “Bridgerton” powerfully reveals the aspirations that motivate its characters.

The series effectively frames the relationship between Daphne and Simon as an embodiment of smouldering attraction while at the same time conveying other major figures’ secretly yearning for each other.

Here are some Bridgerton quotes about love that perfectly sum up obsessive yearning.<