9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting


9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting

Has it been a long time since you have been together, and now, you are struggling to keep your relationship alive and bring back that spark from before?

As a sex therapist, I’m used to seeing couples who’ve lost touch. Couples who have forgotten why they fell in love or why they used to love having sex with other another. Being trained in sexology and psychotherapy, I know all about the different things that keep a relationship alive.

If you’re looking for ways to put the spark back into your marriage or relationship - the following 9 things will help you get there.

1. Learn How To Fight Properly

Conflicts. We all have them. Even in the best of relationships, our tempers get the best of us, causing us to lash out or make a not-so-nice remark.

I get it - arguing about the laundry for the 58th time this week isn’t exactly thrilling (at least not in a positive way!).

But fighting is inevitable.

According to researchers John & Julie Gottman, there are solvable arguments and unsolvable ones - and the unsolvable ones amount to 69% of all of our conflicts.

What this means is we have to learn how to fight properly. Being able to deal with our own irritation and anger and knowing how to handle our partner is paramount to relationship success.

By learning how to accept our differences and let pettiness go, by learning how to negotiate and work together as a team, by finding ways of dealing with the unsolvable arguments - we’re far more likely to stay together and grow together.

Want to know how you can have arguments in a healthy way? Read Conflict Doesn’t Ruin a Relationship, a Lack of Connection Does

2. Reminisce About That Memory

If we’re lucky, there are a few sexual moments we’ve shared with our partners that really stand out. One of the things that keep a relationship alive is reminiscing about them - together.

When your sexual desire is waning it usually needs a push in the right direction to appear. For many, especially those who identify as women, sexual desire is a responsive feeling, meaning that it, much like our other feelings, needs to be triggered in order to come alive.

By talking about a sexual experience from the past you’re giving your mind and your body a chance to remember how enjoyable sex was.

3. Don’t Believe You Know Your Partner

When you’ve been together for a long time it’s common to fall into the trap of thinking you know everything about the other person.

You know they love brie but hate camembert, that they’re afraid of spiders but pretend they’re not.

You also know they prefer having sex with the lights turned off and think sexting is stupid or embarrassing.

Or - do you?

A lot of times you might think you know exactly what your partner’s thoughts and needs are - but, if you ask your partner, you might just find that you don’t. Not always.

Over the course of a relationship, most of us change our minds about stuff or discover something new. It doesn’t have to be big or life-changing, but it happens and it matters.

By giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and asking them instead of assuming, you’ll be cultivating interest in one another and you’ll ignite that flame.

4. Lean On Someone Else

Our partner can be our biggest supporter and our biggest comfort, but they shouldn’t be our only support and comfort.

We might not mean to do it, but in good relationships, we often end up turning our partner or spouse into our therapist.

Relying solely on your partner can quickly zap the romance out of your relationship or marriage.

If this sounds like you and you’re looking for things to keep a relationship alive, try seeking comfort in a friend, co-worker or family member next time you need a shoulder to cry on. It might just be what you and your partner need to get back on track!

Interested to know how your friends can help your relationship? Read How Having Friends Outside Your Marriage Benefits the Marriage Itself

5. Don’t Believe Passion Decay Is Irreversible

Long relationships usually an equal waning passion. But according to research on the matter by Finkell & Carswell, how we think about this phenomenon affects what happens in our relationship.

The researchers mean that those who believe in inevitable and irreversible passion decay in long-term relationships are more likely to show less commitment in their current relationship and seek romance outside of it.

However, understanding that passion decay isn’t irreversible can lead to us staying in an otherwise good relationship and marriage.

In other words - if you’re looking for things that keep a relationship alive - believing you can regain the feelings of passion you once shared is definitely one to work on.

6. Plan A Surprise

When we’ve been together for a while our relationships can go a little stale. The daily grind can really wear it down. If this sounds like you, you might want to try planning a surprise for your loved one.

By planning a surprise for your partner you’re letting them know they’re still a top priority. You’re showing them you care and you love them.

Planning a surprise for your partner or spouse doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be as simple as ordering takeout from their favorite restaurant, giving them a massage after a long, grueling day at the office, or initiating sex in the way you know they love.

Things that keep a relationship alive don’t have to be difficult - they just need to be done. Take turns surprising one another and see what it does for your relationship.

7. Go See A Sex Therapist When Things Are Good

As most couples therapists will tell you - a large portion of clients start therapy when it’s too late.

When things have escalated and are irreparable.

When their relationship has been on the rocks for years.

By going to therapy before things get really bad, you’ll be in a much better position to learn the skills needed to enhance your relationship and to actually use the tools we give you.

If you really want to be proactive about it, seeing a couple’s therapist who specializes in sex therapy is a great idea.

Sex is often difficult to talk about and when we’ve been together for a long time, our sex drive tends to dwindle. By seeing a sex therapist together you can learn how to explore each other’s sexuality and keep growing sexually - together.

Want to know what experts think about sex in long term relationships? Read 104 Experts Reveal The TRUTH About sex In Marriage

8. Ban Orgasms

Sex can be a wonderful experience, be it with orgasms or without them. However, society often makes us feel like we need to have an orgasm in order for our sex lives to be “successful”.

Not only is this not true, but it’s also pretty stressful and sort of misses the mark. Sex isn’t about the goal - it’s about the journey.

By introducing a playful orgasm ban you can help keep the flame of desire going (or awaken it!). Enforcing this type of rule helps you get creative and our libido thrives on novelty.

9. Talk, Talk And Then Talk Some More

Communication in the relationship is crucial. Despite most of us knowing this, amidst the long to-do lists and emails at work, we often forget to communicate.

Perhaps we buckle down and stop telling our partner what’s going on.

We forget to ask them how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking.

We take our relationship and our partner for granted - without ever meaning to.

In order to sustain intimacy and cultivate passion, it’s important to keep the conversation going. As we already established in tip no. 3, continuing to show interest in your partner by not assuming you always know what they’re thinking, is one of the things that keep a relationship alive.

By talking about your hopes, dreams, fears, and worries, you’ll be increasing intimacy and sustaining it too.

There are lots of things that keep a relationship alive, and it’s important you believe you can get that passion back - if you want to.

Learning how to deal with conflict, talking about positive sexual memories, cultivating interest in one another, leaning on others in times of need, believing you can get that passion back, surprising each other, seeing a sex therapist, banning orgasms during sex, and talking, are all excellent ways of doing it.

By using the tips outlined in this article, you’ll be well on your way to a relationship back in swing!

Sex is an important part of any relationship. If you feel that the sex is waning in your relationship, then don’t worry, because there are a lot of things you can do to bring the spark back in your bedroom. Just have faith in each other, and love each other just the way you used to in the beginning, and the excitement will return in no time.

If you want to know more about how you can keep your relationship exciting, then you might like this video:

This article was originally published at Therapy by Leigh.

9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting
9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadows—figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes

Up Next

How To Deal With A Jealous Partner

How To Deal With A Jealous Partner: Practical Tips

Jealousy is a normal part of any romantic relationship and to some extent it can even be healthy. But when your partner becomes excessively jealous it can turn toxic. Let’s explore how to deal with a jealous partner and build a healthier relationship. 

Love and jealousy

It’s a tale as old as time – two individuals come together, in love and hopeful for the future, only for one person to find themselves troubled by the other’s past relationships or experiences. 

If this rings true for you, you’re dealing with what’s termed as “retroactive jealousy“. It can be painful, destructive, and truly challenging, especially if

Up Next

Codependency or Love? 8 Signs Of Enmeshment In Romantic Relationships

Eight Signs Of Enmeshment In Romantic Relationships

Ever felt like you’re too close in your relationship? When two become one, where’s the “me” in the “we”? Welcome to the world of enmeshment in romantic relationships. It’s where deep love can sometimes feel like a tight squeeze. So, are you in a cosy embrace or a restrictive hold?

Join us as we shed light on these blurred boundaries and help you find your footing. It’s all about striking the right balance: being close yet maintaining your own space.

Ready to dive deeper into understanding enmeshment in romantic relationships and balancing your love connection? Let’s get started.

Up Next

Dating Someone With Relationship OCD? 7 Strategies For Supporting Your Loved One

Dating Someone With Relationship OCD? Seven Essential Insights

Relationships are built on trust, understanding, and commitment. These are the pillars that hold a relationship steady, even when storms come. And just like any challenge in life, some storms are tougher than others. One such challenge is when you are dating someone with Relationship OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). 

This condition can bring unique difficulties, but with knowledge and patience, you can meet these challenges head-on. When you are dating someone with OCD and anxiety, both of you must make an effort to understand this disorder.

When both of you are informed, you can navigate the challe

Up Next

What Is A Summer Fling? 20 Tips On How To Have A Summer Fling

What Is A Summer Fling? Twenty Strategies To Have A Summer Fling

Warm breezes, sandy beaches, and a whirlwind romance that lasts just a season – ever wondered what is a summer fling? Dive in as we unravel this sun-kissed mystery and give you the ultimate guide on how to have a summer fling.

What Is a Summer Fling? 

The quintessential charm of summer lies in its fleeting nature, much like the brief but passionate encounters we often refer to as “summer flings”. What is a summer fling? 

It’s a

Up Next

What Is a Serial Dater? The Underlying Psychology and 5 Warning Signs

What Is a Serial Dater? Underlying Psychology and Five Signs

Have you ever come across someone who seems to be constantly dating, jumping from one relationship to another with lightning speed? They just might be a serial dater. What is a serial dater, you ask? 

Serial daters always have a new partner on their arm, leaving behind a trail of broken hearts. If you’ve ever wondered what drives these individuals to engage in such a whirlwind of romantic entanglements, then you’ve stumbled upon the world of serial dating. 

Let’s explore what it means to be a serial dater, identify the telltale signs of a serial dater, and delve into the complexities of this dating phenomenon. So, fasten your seatbelts as we embark on a journey to understand the enigmatic world of serial dating.

Up Next

How To Deal With A Perfectionist Partner

How To Deal With A Perfectionist Partner: Eleven Tips

Do you have a partner who constantly strives for perfection in every aspect of their life? While it may seem admirable at first, dealing with a perfectionist partner can sometimes be challenging. Let’s explore how to deal with a perfectionist partner and build a healthier relationship. 

How to deal with a perfectionist partner

A perfectionist partner has high standards and relentless pursuit of flawlessness, which can create tension and frustration in a relationship. However, it’s important to remember that perfectionism is often rooted in