February 14 is the most romantic of days and, in spite of its importance, your boyfriend forgot Valentine’s day, didn’t he?
Instead of waking you up to chocolate or flowers or words of affirmation or a nice brunch out, did your boyfriend jump out of bed, kiss you quickly and head out for a run, returning with bagels and a paper and not a word about what day it was?
Are you left feeling angry and hurt by his lack of recognition, the fact that he (perhaps once again) forgot Valentine’s day, making you question your self-worth and whether he truly loves you?
Before you go down that rabbit hole of self-doubt, here are a few things that you can do if your boyfriend forgot Valentine’s Day, things that you can do to put it in perspective, ease the pain and maybe gain some insight.
Here Are 5 Things to Do if Your Boyfriend ‘Forgot’ Valentine’s Day
1. Don’t take it personally.
‘What?’ you say, ‘How can I not take it personally? If he loved me, he would have made an effort to do something for me.’
I know it sounds logical and simple, and for many women it is. But for many men, expressions of affection, whether with words or gifts, are akin to speaking Greek. Something they would love to do but something that seems overwhelming and daunting. And so, instead of owning it, they ignore it.
I have a client whose boyfriend got her NOTHING for Valentine’s Day. Nothing. She was devastated. She didn’t know what had happened and it made her feel bad about herself and wondering how much he cared about her. She came to learn, down the road, that he was so overcome with anxiety about what to do that he did nothing.
While she still didn’t like that he did nothing, understanding that it was more about his insecurities then about his feelings for her helped her manage her disappointment.
2. Do be honest.
It is very important that, if your boyfriend forgot Valentine’s Day, you don’t sulk. That you don’t internalize the hurt and angry feelings that you have. That you don’t pretend you are cool and that it’s all good and who likes Valentine’s Day anyway.
In a healthy relationship, people who are hurt by their loved ones have a responsibility to tell their person that they have been hurt. It’s important to let them know that they have let you down. If you act like it’s no big deal, two things will happen. The first is that you will continue to stew, to continue to be hurt and confused. The second is that next Valentine’s Day (or your birthday or Christmas) your guy might not do anything for you once again.
I mean, if you are cool with him not doing something for you, why would he make an effort to do it?
3. Don’t compare yourself to everyone else.
I know that it’s very hard not to compare yourself to everyone and what they are doing/getting for Valentine’s Day.
Every year, people on social media inundate us with pictures and stories of their most amazing Valentine’s Days, coordinated with thoughtfulness and skill by their most amazing boyfriends. Pictures of fancy dinners and island destinations and engagement rings are everywhere.
And, yes, some guys are good at remembering and following through on Valentine’s Day. (I am betting that, somewhere along the way, some girl didn’t sulk and act cool but told those guys the truth – that they sucked at Valentine’s Day.)
That being said, there are millions of other women out in the world who are celebrating Valentine’s Day with a card or a kind word or nothing at all. You are not alone. You are not the most pathetic person in the world. You are just another woman in the world, trying to make the best of life and love.