Are you in a relationship that is making you supremely unhappy and are you wondering if it’s time to say goodbye?
Are you scared about the future and wondering if letting go is the best idea or if you should wait it out and see if maybe you can make it work?
Let me help you.
Saying goodbye to someone you are in a relationship with is a very hard thing to do. Relationships start out so hopeful and when they start to fall apart it’s very hard to let them go. The fear that we will be alone if we do is palpable and can paralyze us every time.
So, how do you know when it’s time to say goodbye? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it’s time.
#1 – You don’t feel good about yourself
Feeling good about yourself is key to a healthy relationship.
If you don’t feel good about who you are in the world, if you feel like you need someone to ‘complete you,’ if you hate being alone, then you aren’t in a good place with yourself so a good relationship will be impossible.
People who are needy or clingy or fraught with insecurities do not make good partners and if you are feeling that way at all, your relationship isn’t healthy and it could be time to let go.
#2 – You can’t talk about things.
Relationships that end usually involve people who just can not communicate. They aren’t able to talk about their feelings and they aren’t able to listen to others talk about theirs.
Relationships are very intense and very personal. To manage them effectively, it’s important that people communicate.
When issues arise, it is important that they are addressed head on, with clearly spoken words and someone on the receiving end to hear them. It is important that there is a give and take so that everyone’s needs are met and that both people feel safe and secure in the relationship.
If you are in a relationship without communication, one where you aren’t able to share your issues with each other, then you might want to start looking elsewhere for someone to love because the one you are in is most likely beyond repair.
#3 – You are obsessed.
Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, trying to figure out ways to run into him?
If the answers to the above questions are ‘yes,’ then you are actually experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.
Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.
So, if the love you feel for your man is obsession, then it’s definitely time to say goodbye. It’s not healthy for either of you.
#4 – You don’t have a life of your own.
It is very important that both sides of a relationship are not completely reliant on the other for their happiness.
I have a client whose whole life revolves around her husband. She wakes up with him, makes him breakfast, gets him off to work, cleans the house after he is gone, brings him lunch at work, makes dinner for when he comes home and watches what he wants to watch every night.
She has turned her back on everyone in her life so that her husband can be happy. She tells herself that she is happy because he is happy but really, she isn’t.
That is why she is talking to me!
Make sure that when you are in a relationship you have lots of things in your life outside of your relationship. Make sure you have a job, or a hobby, that you love. Make sure that you have friends who you can play with. Make sure that you spend time by yourself so that you are comfortable being alone.
If you rely completely on your partner for your happiness, it might be time to say goodbye. Going away and then coming together to share experiences is a key part of maintaining a healthy relationship and if you can’t, or won’t, do that then your relationship might be over.