Feeling jealous sometimes when you are in a relationship is a normal emotion to have, and every one of us at some point has experienced the feeling of jealousy in a relationship. Feelings of jealousy can either be fleeting or long-lasting, but it’s the latter one that’s actually quite concerning.
If you ever experience jealous feelings in a relationship that threatens to swallow you up whole, then it’s an important sign that you need to express that to your partner. Otherwise, these feelings will keep on piling up until you can’t take it anymore and will end up having an emotional outburst.
At the same time, it’s vital to know healthy ways to express jealousy in a relationship, so that your partner understands where you are coming from, instead of thinking that you are being problematic and controlling. Knowing the right ways to express jealousy in a relationship is very, very important for it to succeed in the long run.
What Are The Types Of Jealousy In Relationships?
Mainly, there are two types of jealousy that are prevalent in relationships – healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy. Let’s find out what they really mean and what they look like.
Having feelings of jealousy in a relationship is not always a bad thing, sometimes it’s a major sign that you really love your partner and you can never imagine the relationship not working out in the long run. Jealousy can be an indicator of passion, care, love, and healthy possessiveness.
It shows that you care about the relationship and your partner a lot, and you would never want it to end. Moreover, jealousy can also be associated with stability, trust, and loyalty in a relationship. Jealousy can be a positive thing to have in a romantic relationship, but as long as it’s expressed in a healthy, positive, respectful, and mature way.
Unhealthy jealousy can never be good for your relationship, and if it continues, then it will be just a matter of time before your relationship disintegrates. If your jealousy makes you extremely insecure, obsessive, over-possessive, and controlling, then that’s unhealthy jealousy in a nutshell.
If jealousy looks like this in a relationship, then it can very easily morph into and lead to emotional abuse, manipulation, and even abuse. Jealousy in romantic relationships is acceptable only when it does not lead to excessive negativity and abuse, and the person you are with feels safe, happy, and secure with you.
5 Ways You Can Express Jealousy In A Relationship But In A Positive Way
1. Think about where your jealousy is actually stemming from.
Trying to figure out the real source or sources of your jealousy can help you understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling, and what is it that needs to change. Even though everyone feels jealous at some point in their lives, some people might be more susceptible to it, like people suffering from low self-esteem, traumatic past, low self-confidence, anxiety, and insecurity.
Devoting some time and energy to trying to understand your feelings of jealousy in a relationship can help you deal with all the negative feelings swirling within you. Maybe your jealousy is trying to tell you something or maybe it’s giving off an important message that you need to consider about your partner or relationship. Introspection is a powerful thing to do, and the more you practice it, the more at peace you will find yourself in life.
Related: What Is Jealousy Trying to Tell You?
2. While conveying your feelings, instead of accusing your partner, show concern.
If you come at your partner with an aggressive and accusatory attitude and tone, then it’s natural for them to get hurt and defensive, and the conversation will go nowhere; you will end up wasting both of your time, and disappointment and tensions will run supreme. Instead, try to approach the situation with an open mind, calm demeanor, and concerned attitude.
If your partner has done something that has ignited such feelings in you, then convey that to them in a calm manner. Maybe try using statements with “I”, instead of “you”. For example, instead of saying, “You make me feel jealous when you talk to your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend!”, try saying, “I feel uncomfortable, and jealous when I see you speaking with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.”
Your tone and how you express your emotions to your partner mean everything in situations like this. Make sure that you have a calm and positive attitude, whenever you feel like speaking to them about something like this.
3. Understand that it might take some time for your partner to realize where you’re coming from.
Just because you are openly expressing your feelings to your partner, don’t expect them to understand everything from the get-go. It might take a considerable amount of time and several conversations before they understand your feelings. So, don’t pressurize them or nag them to instantly understand your sentiments.
Give them some time and space to think. Maybe they will realize that unknowingly they might have engaged in behaviors that have led to you feeling this way and choose to work on that. Or maybe, both of you will take this as an opportunity to set some ground rules about what’s acceptable and what’s not. For example, for some couples a little bit of harmless flirting is okay, but for some couples, it’s not.
4. Focus on being kind and patient.
In a situation like this, you also have to take into account your partner’s feelings, because when you’re trying to talk to them about your jealous feelings, they might also have strong feelings of their own. Because after all, you are telling them that certain actions of theirs are making you feel insecure and jealous, a defensive and angry reaction is not that unnatural to have.
That’s why you need to give your partner that respect and understanding so that they can also deal with their feelings in a proper manner. They might need some time to process both your and their feelings, and you should always give them that. This is one of the best things you can do to express your jealousy in a relationship in a healthy way.
5. Give couples therapy a try.
If nothing seems to be working out, and no matter how nicely you are trying to handle the situation, if things are still going south, then maybe you should think about giving couples therapy a shot. Therapy can help tremendously if you have hit a roadblock in your relationship, and just don’t know what to do anymore to make things right.
Couples therapy provides you with a neutral and safe space where you can express your feelings and opinions without any fear of being judged and ridiculed. Therapy also provides you with efficient and better conflict resolution skills, and you also get to understand better the triggers and stressors in your relationship.
Experiencing jealousy in a relationship is normal, but when it gets too much, that’s when you need to sit back and think about what’s really happening. Dealing with the negative things and difficult feelings in your relationship with grace, positivity, and open-mindedness will help you make your relationship and the bond you share with your partner stronger and more stable.
Want to know more about how to deal with jealousy in a relationship? Check this video out below!