13 Hacks To Keep Love Alive In Your Relationship

If there’s something we know for a fact about relationships is that it changes over time. From being obsessed with each other to being annoyed with everything they do to can’t live without them. Relationships go through a lot of ups and downs. So it’s imperative that we know how to keep Love alive in our relationship over the long haul.

“As long as we have life, we keep love and hope alive.” – Debasish Mridha

You may have heard those long-term relationships eventually and inevitably become flat and boring.

Many people believe this myth and expect this to occur to them. When they experience moments in which feelings of attraction, desire, or sexual excitement are not powerfully stimulating, they assume that the flame has gone out and that the future is bleak and uninspiring. Possessed by this expectation, many couples’ relationships face a downward trajectory that often ends in separation or worse.

While it is impossible to prevent stale moments from occurring, it is possible to strengthen the substance of a relationship in a way that minimizes their impact and diminishes their frequency to a significant degree.

“What’s the catch?” you might ask. There is none. Keeping your relationship fresh, passionate, and exciting—whether you’re 20 or 90—just requires infusing your life with more fun and pleasure.

“I’d love to, but there’s not enough time,” you might say. But there is always enough time, depending on how you choose to prioritize it. Many of us assign higher priority to activities and commitments other than our relationships, not necessarily because we don’t value our relationships, but because we take them for granted and create the false belief that we can afford to neglect our connection or put it on cruise control.

We assume that since we’re committed, our relationship is solid and doesn’t require the time, attention, and energy it did in the early, less secure, days. On the contrary, it’s a big mistake to take your partnership for granted and assume that the relationship doesn’t require the same kind of care and attention that it did before. If neglect continues for too long, it can be a recipe for disaster.

After several years, it’s easy to take for granted what we used to appreciate. Couples might slide into just being roommates or business partners, or if they are raising children, co-parents. While important, if those roles come to define the relationship, the vital component of being lovers can get squeezed out.

“Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.” – Anthony Robbins

Taking time to honor the intimacy component of your partnership can become habit-forming. Try some of these 13, and add your own creative touches to the process:

13 Hacks To Keep Love Alive In Your Relationship

1. Identify which person can help deepen intimacy.

In most relationships, there is one partner who places a higher value than the other on romance—and it’s not always the woman. Since this person is more likely to notice when the romance is fading, he or she has more power to introduce corrections to foster more closeness and playfulness. They are not solely responsible for keeping an eye on things, but because of their awareness, they are more capable of influencing the depth of your connection.

 

2. Keep dating each other.

Dates aren’t exclusively for young lovers; they can be magic for couples who have been together for a while. Leaving the home provides a change of scenery and enlivens things for both partners. But staying home for a date can be fun, too; you can dinner by candlelight, for example. Consider making dates a regular feature of your relationship. They don’t have to be limited to a few hours on an occasional evening; they can last an entire day, weekend, or longer.

 

3. Go on a second (or third) honeymoon.

Honeymoons (without the kids, of course) aren’t just for the newly married. Taking one every year is not too much. Lots of people (including ourselves) make a tradition of this practice.

 

4. Unplug.

Designate what we refer to as “sacred time” and create a tech-free zone which will assure you that there will be no interruptions to intimacy. Then, enjoy it.

“Don’t assume your partner knows about everything you expect in a relationship. Let them know. A relationship should be based on communication, not on assumptions.” -Turcois Ominek

 

Linda and Charlie Bloom
Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, MSW have been trained as psychotherapists and relationship counselors and have worked with individuals, couples, groups, and organizations since 1975. They have lectured and taught at universities and learning institutes throughout the USA, including the Esalen Institute, the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, 1440 Multiversity, and many others.  They have taught seminars in many countries throughout the world. They have co-authored four books, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth From Real Couples About Lasting Love, Happily Ever After And 39 Other Myths About Love, and That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They have been married since 1972 and are the parents of two adult children and three grandsons. Linda and Charlie live in Santa Cruz, California. Their website is www.bloomwork.com
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