You miss the person for all the qualities you loved and then at same time fear and hate the dark side. You hate him so much that just the mention of his name trembles you. This crazy dilemma of loving and hating a person at the same time feels so natural yet is your reality now.
To heal, you must focus on building yourself. The process is not easy and cannot be achieved in a hurry. Once you have accepted it you’ve taken the first step to heal. You need to build new friendship, open your mind and eyes for different views and forgive the past.
There is no point holding on to something that hurts you to the core.
Another important step is finding someone you can open up to without being judged. It can be a friend or a counselor understanding the C-PTSD post abusive relationship.
Slowly the light within you will shine again. If you are determined nothing can stop you, you will rise again. Remember, let it take it’s time there is no hurry. Healing comes slowly, have faith in yourself.
And how odd is it to be haunted by someone that is still alive?
You wake up to a different feeling this morning, something feels missing. You come outside through this scrambled page of your life and find nothing has changed, the songbirds are still singing, the old man is again there at the park bench with his newspaper, the kid who is always late for school is still rushing to catch his school bus. Your bottle of milk and newspaper is there at your door step and as you walk barefoot on the roads pondering upon what has changed, a gust of wind kisses you, you stand still- frozen! Now you realise what is missing, something inside of you! You’re carried away in a different world again, a world where she is holding your hands, looking into your eyes and smiles on your faces, the moments of heavenly bliss!
*peeep peep* “
Go die somewhere else stupid!” Screamed the driver of black Honda honking behind you.
Another wind of realization hits you and you realise the dreams are shattered- to never be dreamt again. You move aside, fists clutched and moist eyes, you know you’re strong, you’ve always been. That cute lil girl from neighborhood waves and smiles at you, a smile beautiful than ever before but you see a phantom behind her, it was the one that is gone. You turn blue but you don’t lose your composer because you’re strong, always have been. You feel a vibration in your pocket, it’s your phone. The usual time to receive the morning greetings, today it’s not, the screen reads some offer from the service provider. A little bit of hope and a little bit of you dies inside.