Related: 6 Strong Signs You Have Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
And how odd is it to be haunted by someone that is still alive?
You wake up to a different feeling this morning, something feels missing. You come outside through this scrambled page of your life and find nothing has changed, the songbirds are still singing, the old man is again there at the park bench with his newspaper, the kid who is always late for school is still rushing to catch his school bus. Your bottle of milk and newspaper is there at your doorstep and as you walk barefoot on the roads pondering upon what has changed, a gust of wind kisses you, you stand still- frozen! Now you realize what is missing, something inside of you! You’ve carried away in a different world again, a world where she is holding your hands, looking into your eyes and smiles on your faces, the moments of heavenly bliss!
*peeep peep* “
Go die somewhere else stupid!” Screamed the driver of black Honda honking behind you.
Another wind of realization hits you and you realize the dreams are shattered- to never be dreamt again. You move aside, fists clutched and moist eyes, you know you’re strong, you’ve always been. That cute lil girl from neighborhood waves and smiles at you, a smile beautiful than ever before but you see a phantom behind her, it was the one that is gone. You turn blue but you don’t lose your composer because you’re strong, always have been. You feel a vibration in your pocket, it’s your phone. The usual time to receive the morning greetings, today it’s not, the screen reads some offer from the service provider. A little bit of hope and a little bit of you dies inside.
The girl in blacktop, light brown hair crosses the road, it’s her, you know it’s her. You scream her name..she doesn’t respond or maybe she didn’t hear. You scream louder-
She turns around
“Yes” with a perplexed look.
You turn numb, your throat dries and you want to apologize but words don’t escape your mouth, you turn around and run, run as fast as you could but your legs don’t seem to be owned by you today, your mind and heart races faster than your leg and gravity seem to be playing its cruelest game on you.
Every day you pray to be normal again but deep down you know this was a one-way journey and there is no going back, this is the new normal. You learn to hide the fears and pain inside. You stick a permanent smile on your face. Now you’re the happiest person in this world they say, if only they could see the shadow that stands behind them while they talk to you, the face you see in every face that appears before you, everywhere you go. The whispering of the walls and her voices in the wind. You can’t even mourn for the undead and how odd is it to be haunted by someone that is still alive?
That’s how it feels like to live with trauma post an abusive relationship? If you could relate to the article leave a comment below.