It’s about time you realize that you can either lie there tattered feeling pity on your own condition or stand upon focus on your healing for the injuries that you have in your heart may soon become fatal. It’s time you don’t let the past hold you captive anymore.
It is up to you to stand bank up and gain your composure before the damage gets bigger and you end up falling in much deeper hell.
The first step towards your healing is acceptance, you need to accept what you’ve through and what you’re feeling is real. You need to accept that you broken emotionally and mentally.
You have been cheated, lied, used, abused and manipulated for far too long. The past relationship was an illusion and you were merely a prey. The torment was real and now you have lost your faith and conscience, you get hard time trusting people and often even yourself
You need to allow yourself to heal. The damage is deep and you should let it have the time it needs to do healing, the pieces will be put back together with time and there is no need to hurry. Slowly everything will fall back in place if you take a leap of faith and allow it.
Though the relationship was abusive and you hate to love that person or love to hate that person but still the most difficult part is there are few aspects that you still miss and this stops you from talking to anyone about the relationship. You don’t have answer to how could you miss someone who abused and tortured you for so long.
The main reason for having difficulty in getting over this type of relationship is the charm of narcissist. At one moment they take you on cloud 9 and the next moment drag you to hell. You fall in love so deeply with one side of the person that you completely miss to see the other dark side but when you do you lose yourself whirlpool of emotions.
You miss the person for all the qualities you loved and then at same time fear and hate the dark side. You hate him so much that just the mention of his name trembles you. This crazy dilemma of loving and hating a person at the same time feels so natural yet is your reality now.
To heal, you must focus on building yourself. The process is not easy and cannot be achieved in a hurry. Once you have accepted it you’ve taken the first step to heal. You need to build new friendship, open your mind and eyes for different views and forgive the past.
There is no point holding on to something that hurts you to the core.
Another important step is finding someone you can open up to without being judged. It can be a friend or a counselor understanding the C-PTSD post abusive relationship.
Slowly the light within you will shine again. If you are determined nothing can stop you, you will rise again. Remember, let it take it’s time there is no hurry. Healing comes slowly, have faith in yourself.
And how odd is it to be haunted by someone that is still alive?
You wake up to a different feeling this morning, something feels missing. You come outside through this scrambled page of your life and find nothing has changed, the songbirds are still singing, the old man is again there at the park bench with his newspaper, the kid who is always late for school is still rushing to catch his school bus. Your bottle of milk and newspaper is there at your door step and as you walk barefoot on the roads pondering upon what has changed, a gust of wind kisses you, you stand still- frozen! Now you realise what is missing, something inside of you! You’re carried away in a different world again, a world where she is holding your hands, looking into your eyes and smiles on your faces, the moments of heavenly bliss!
*peeep peep* “
Go die somewhere else stupid!” Screamed the driver of black Honda honking behind you.