We fear intimacy in relationships for various reasons. It may be scary to open up to the other human being and then be left alone. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship. The fear of intimacy is omnipresent.
It’s also one of the topics that people don’t like to admit and talk about. No wonder because the topic itself is already intimate and sensitive.
But I can see that being more vulnerable and open in relationships could change our lives. Not just that we would be happy, but we would also feel closer to each other, within our families, friends, and ultimately the world.
Why is intimacy important?
If you find the right partner (important assumption number one), your closeness makes your relationship stronger. As you open up, you keep the love running between you. This is how you lay strong foundations for your future life.
When you’re vulnerable, you allow your partner to discover new aspects and dimensions within yourself. Hence, they will better understand your choices and moods. That way, you eliminate the space for potential misunderstandings.
Intimacy means; in-to-me-see.
Opening up is a process that never ends. There always are new levels within you. As you share more aspects of yourself with your partner, it helps both of you to grow. Slowly you get through the ego masks and childish plays, and you begin to see each other’s souls.
Truth, together with love, is the most healing essence of this universe. When you lay down the masks, that which is left is the truth.
You might be surprised how much we lie to ourselves and others about who we are. In an intimate relationship, this isn’t possible.
3 Main Reasons Behind The Fear Of Intimacy
Although I could list many reasons, I believe that these three stand at the heart of the fear of intimacy. All of them originate in our ego, and they provide us with a false sense of security. The ego loves to control and how better way to do it then create an illusion of separation between two people.
1. The fear that others will see the true you.
As I mentioned earlier, we lie to ourselves constantly. Most of the things we believe are not rooted in the truth. The more personal something gets, the bigger the illusions we create. The most intimate is, of course, us.
Very few people can see themselves truthfully while most others believe in their identities. Over time, you make yourself believe that you’re better or worse than you are.
Unconsciously, you pick up beliefs of your family and friends and assemble a robust personality full of traits that should be you.
When you meet a new person, you display your best qualities and enhance the parts of you that you wish you had. In other words, you sell an illusion to the other person.
A little longer into a relationship, all these masks begin to tremble as the other person stop believing in them.
At this point, your ego freaks out. It has spent all your life putting together a perfect identity and now someone else doesn’t recognize it. Now, most relationships start to fall apart.
We fear intimacy because others could see the parts of us that we dislike about ourselves.
It’s not possible to play the show for too long unless you avoid intimacy. We don’t like others to see the parts of us that we don’t love. It’s not about them; it’s about us.
The fear of intimacy wins us over because we value those masks and identities over someone seeing the true us. Because, in most cases, people don’t know who they are, and in an intimate relationship who they thought they were starts to fade away.