“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner
No divorce is easy, and learning when and how to date again after a divorce can feel overwhelming! Even in the best circumstances, when you can both agree to the terms of the divorce, it’s still stressful.
At some point, however, you might feel like you’re (finally!) getting over your ex and may even be thinking about meeting someone new.
Is there a way to know for sure when you’re ready to start dating after divorce?
Right after your divorce, you will need all the support you can receive. Friends and family might be enough. But if you are having a hard time moving ahead you would benefit from psychological help. There is no shame in getting help because this demonstrates your courage.
No matter how you feel, take your time to work through the pain of ending your relationship. It is time to focus on your own needs.
Here are 4 signs that you are ready to move on after your divorce:
1. You’re not thinking about your ex all the time.
After your divorce, you are probably processing all the things that went wrong. You are angry! You are hurt.
You may feel guilty for your part in unraveling the relationship. You may be angry at yourself for not ending the relationship sooner than you did. If your spouse had an affair, you are probably feeling anger toward both your husband and the lover.
In the beginning, these negative thoughts will consume you. You may need professional help to work through them.
You will know you are ready to move on when you wake up one morning looking forward to new opportunities in your life. You will feel a lightness in your step. You are no longer consumed by the pain and anger you felt toward your husband.
2. You enjoy going out with family and friends.
After your divorce, you may not want to see anyone. You want to go home and sleep. The last thing you want to do is face your family and friends. The only time you go out is when someone forces you to go out with them. You feel ashamed for the failure of your relationship.
One morning you wake up, and you have a yearning to see your family or go out with your best friend. You will notice the smile on your face returning. You feel like you have your energy back. You are tired of feeling alone.
3. Your anger has subsided.
During and after a divorce, you are feeling a lot of anger toward your husband and yourself for allowing the relationship to fall apart. It is tempting to stay alone, going over and over all the bad things that happened. You may feel righteous indignation at how your ex could have been so bad.
But over time, you start to see how you contributed to the demise of your relationship. You begin to forgive your husband. Forgiveness, meaning you choose not to allow the negativity of what happened to continue poisoning relationships in the future.
You notice how your anger gives away to focus your mind on the people in your life who give you hope and joy. You no longer need to spend all your time telling your friends how horrible your ex was. You are falling in love with life again and want to share your new excitement with those you love.