Why You Can’t Properly Love Her if You’re Afraid to Lose Her

afraid to lose her

As Brene Brown said in her book, Daring Greatly, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”


If a man allows his fear and vulnerability to keep him from taking positive action, he is screwed. He’s screwed not just in this relationship, but everywhere else in his life.

He is screwed because living in fear without taking his own initiative puts all of the responsibility – and all of his outcomes – in the hands of others.

And when it comes to women…they hate that.

What Does “Properly Love Her” Mean?

Why You Can’t Properly Love Her if You’re Afraid to Lose Her
Why You Can’t Properly Love Her if You’re Afraid to Lose Her

It’s impossible to properly love your woman when you live in fear and cannot take action.

Why? Because she cannot properly experience the love, respect, and affection you have to offer if it is all coming from a place of insecurity, fear, and inaction.

  • Your fear and inaction are hard to respect. You appear weak.
  • Your fear and inaction make her feel uncertain and unsafe.
  • Your fear and inaction are uninspiring and unattractive.
  • Your fear and inaction put pressure on her that makes her move away from you and toward others.
  • Your fear and inaction make you focus SOLELY on what you’re not getting from her.
  • Your fear and inaction make you think, speak and act in whiny and needy ways.
  • Your fear and inaction make you look (and feel) selfish.
  • Your fear and inaction make it impossible for you to GIVE her your authentic, no-strings-attached love.

The term “properly love” means we are giving love from a place of wholeness.

In the heart of a woman, proper loving doesn’t feel like a game of chess.
It means we are giving our love from a place of security and self-confidence. We don’t need anything from her to complete us or protect us before loving her unconditionally.

Properly loving a woman (or any other human being) means that we are secure enough in ourselves that we don’t fear not getting something in return.

It feels like a fountain of unconditional appreciation and acceptance.

Related: 6 Ways To Show Unconditional Love Without Been Taken Advantage Of

A Man’s Fearless Leap Toward Finding His Mojo

If you want to escape the jaws of fear and inaction, you will need to focus on a new direction and destination.

Choosing to do that takes a fearless leap of faith and non-negotiable personal resolve to create a better version of yourself.

Write a story of your future – a new end in mind – to replace the fear movies in your head. What is the 2.0 version of yourself you want to create? What would version 2.0 of your relationship look like? (seriously, write it down)

You will need to spend time with other men who have already figured this out to help you understand and face the fears keeping you stuck in inaction. Men need the guidance of other initiated men to help them conquer those fears. Most of us did not grow up with one of those men in our life.

This next one will sound funny to you.

You will need to commit less to your expected relationship outcomes and more to yourself.

Related: How Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage Can Lead To A Divorce

Invest whatever time and money it takes to strengthen your sense of confidence, value, self-reliance, and purpose.

Your next step is learning to focus on becoming the kind of man who gets what he wants. This will allow you to stop defending the behavior of the man who is getting nothing he wants.

Your fear of not becoming that man must be greater than the fear of losing what you have right now.

Written by Steve Horsmon
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project

Relationship Anxiety: What To Do If You’re Afraid To Lose Her?
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Why You Can’t Properly Love Her if You’re Afraid to Lose Her
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