Are you afraid to lose her? Is your relationship anxiety coming in the way of loving your partner ?
Why You Can’t Properly Love Her if You’re Afraid to Lose Her?
I’ve identified one very consistent indicator in men that determines the future viability of their struggling relationship.
This one thing is what keeps you from being the type of man who can reverse the negative energy and consciously create the partnership you crave.
It applies whether you’re married or in a committed relationship where you’re feeling a loss of connection, respect and/or trust.
What causes relationship anxiety?
Here is the one thing that will cause you continued frustration, anxiety, and uncertainty.
You’re afraid to lose her
Your paralyzing, unspoken fear about losing her is keeping you from thinking clearly and fearlessly taking the actions which will create more connection, respect, and trust.
The only way to start making changes that will actually help your relationship is to stop the fearful thinking that got you here in the first place.
It’s that underlying fear that is making you feel ashamed about your behavior and is eating away at your self-respect.
You probably have a sad story constantly replaying in your head telling you what a pathetic man you would be if you lost your wife and marriage.
You’re not alone.
This is the same story that keeps thousands of good men from “properly” loving their women.
Why You Are Afraid to Lose Her?
This is what men tell me and it matches my own experience.
- You’re afraid of being alone.
- You’re afraid of feeling rejected and replaced.
- You’re afraid of the impact on your kids.
- You’re afraid of feeling inadequate or like a failure.
- You’re afraid of losing your identity as a husband and father.
- You’re afraid of seeing her with anyone else.
- You’re afraid of never loving or being loved by someone again.
- You’re afraid of what family and friends will think of you.
- You’re afraid because it just isn’t supposed to turn out that way!
I’ve felt all of this before in my own marriage and see it with dozens of clients.
Those nine fears are like movie trailers that keep playing in shuffle mode in your brain morning, noon and night.
And while your mind is reeling at 100% capacity processing those fears you’re avoiding the only thing that can possibly help you.
You must do some deep work to face those fears and talk to them rationally. You need room to breathe.
The only way to start making changes that will actually help deal with your relationship anxiety is to stop the fearful thinking that got you here in the first place.
The Importance of Getting Your Mojo Back
Many men tell me of a time when they felt very clear and confident about themselves, their life and their relationship. They know what mojo feels like but now – for whatever reason – it’s gone!
You need your mojo back. A man with mojo is a man who is calm, deliberate and pleased with himself (I stole that from a great man named Sean Stephenson).
Mojo is a man who feels strong, clear and confident in himself, what he wants, what he values and what he is creating – with or without the woman standing in front of him.
Action creates change. And if nothing changes – then nothing changes.
I’m talking about mojo – not “macho”.
Is it normal for a man to feel fear? Hell yes!
Is it acceptable for a man to be vulnerable? Absolutely! Vulnerability is healthy, necessary and kind of hot to most women. (in limited doses)
As Brene Brown said in her book, Daring Greatly, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
If a man allows his fear and vulnerability to keep him from taking positive action, he is screwed. He’s screwed not just in this relationship, but everywhere else in his life.
He is screwed because living in fear without taking his own initiative puts all of the responsibility – and all of his outcomes – in the hands of others.