Toxic Phrase 3. “That’s stupid.”
Otherwise known as: “You’re being irrational.”
My spouse and I don’t always see things the same way. Sometimes, I do something that seems irrational to her but makes complete sense to me. Or she’ll do something that doesn’t make sense to me, but to her, it makes perfect sense.
This is because we each bring different perspectives and values into our relationship. It always works out better when we work to understand each other’s viewpoints rather than rushing to judgment or taking offense.
Toxic Phrase 4. “Of course a man/woman would think that!”
Otherwise known as: “Stick to woman’s business”, “This is a man’s job”
Sometimes differences in the way we think do cause conflicts. Other times, there’s an issue that’s been stewing for a long time and it finally boils over. Or one of us has been having a hard day that has nothing to do with each other, but we take it out on each other.
Empathy allows us to see past emotional blow-ups and work as a team to resolve the problem or offer reassurance.
“Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.” – Mohsin Hamid
Toxic Phrase 5. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
At times we need a break from an argument to cool down. But when we completely refuse to address an issue in our marriage, it causes resentment and bitterness. Bad feelings and thoughts can boil around inside for a long time. The longer we allow these thoughts to continue, the more they sink into our subconscious perceptions of each other. This affects all of our future interactions.
Instead, a better way to approach it is this:
I’m not ready to talk about this right now. Let me take some time to cool off and think about it, then we’ll talk.
Toxic Phrase 6. “You’re just like your mom/dad.”
I’ve never said this to my wife, but I’ve thought it. And it was never while I was in a charitable mood. It’s much better to address the actual problem, rather than using some vague hint or insult.
“Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.” – Wayne Dyer
Toxic Phrase 7. “Get off my case!”
Otherwise known as: “Stop nagging me.”
If my wife gets on my case about something, it’s because there’s something that needs to be resolved. Telling her to stop nagging me has never been a good move.
Instead, I usually apologize and try to change my behavior. I’ve even asked her to keep reminding me because changing lifelong habits isn’t easy.
Toxic Phrase 8. “Just Relax!”
Otherwise known as: “Stop thinking about it.”
When my wife is upset, telling her to relax is less than helpful. If should, she would have already.
She appreciates it when I ask her to tell me about what’s bothering her, and reassure her as best I can. Knowing I support and empathize with her is a much better way to help her relax.
“Relationships, marriages are ruined where one person continues to learn, develop and grow and the other person stands still.” – Catherine Pulsifer
While these 8 toxic phrases can cause a lot of harm to a relationship, there is good news if you’ve already used these. Studies by the Gottman Institute show that healthy couples tend to have 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction. The antidote to using these phrases is to be intentional about creating positive, uplifting moments between you and your spouse.
A sincere apology, a warm hug, affirming words, and doing something fun together can go a long way to restoring friendship and intimacy.
Here is an interesting video that you may like:
Now that you know what phrases are detrimental to your relationship, make sure you avoid these words at all cost even at your angriest. Relationships are riddled with ups and downs. All of us say things we don’t mean or we shouldn’t. However, the ones mentioned above are relationship killers. Tone down the way you speak to your partner on a daily basis. If you are prone to using the F-word or swearing, regardless of what the issue is, take responsibility for your behavior and apologise for it. Moreover, you also need to take measures so that it can be prevented in the future. If you respect your partner and don’t want your relationship to end, then show how much you love them through your words.
“Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice.” – Stanley Horowitz
No relationship is immune to mistakes. Communication problems are normal in all relationships. This is why you need to bring awareness to your problems and focus on what you need to do to be more connected. Find out new ways to better communicate with each other and actually try to listen to what your partner has to say. Granted it will not be the easiest thing to do when there is frustration and tension between couples, but in the end it will give you the opportunity to understand your partner and strengthen your bond.