6. Allow for more than a single “right” way for the future to look.
I get it…on your European vacation you envisioned you and a partner. What if, instead it’s just you and you practice photography on your trip? Wouldn’t it be a blast to go learn all about South American wine and meet others doing the same? How about you and a close friend flying by the seat of your pants with no plan at all? Couldn’t it happen that you rescue a stray chien dans les rues de Paris?
What adventures await you as you set out into the world un-tethered by either the relationship or the desperation from it’s loss?
Create new rituals for yourself. Sunday picnic in the park, knitting at the local coffee shop, play hooky from work once a month and go for a hike. Your future doesn’t have to be a giant departure from the past in order to bring either closure or hope. Small steps add up.
7. Imagine your feelings of hope, wholeness and happiness.
Wanna know why imagining a fight with your boss elicits the same adrenaline response as actually having a fight with your boss? Because the brain doesn’t know the difference between what you see with your eyes from what you see with your imagination. The nice thing is it works in the positive too.
You don’t have to imagine being at peace with your divorce, just imagine being at peace. Imagine laughter. Pretend adventurously. Allow your imagination to spark the emotions you need to guide you to your next best step forward.
Be kind to yourself
Not everyone is going to understand why you’re not just over it already. That’s their story about an arbitrary timeline for grief and, even more likely, an expression of their own lack of security because they don’t know how to help friends dealing with grief.
It’s up to you, then, to be sweet to yourself.
All of these small things to do when you feel like a failure after divorce are just advanced versions of being kind to yourself.
Yes, little gestures and kindnesses go a long way. Treat yourself to a decadent coffee at a cozy little coffee shop. Take a bubble bath. Spend time with the injured parts of you in meditation or a journal.
But when those just won’t cut it or, worse, they make you feel even worse it’s time for the more intentional practice outlined here.
Give yourself space to feel, think, heal and grow as you begin to move forward into your new future. With a lot of practice and just a little faith in yourself you will successfully move forward.
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Written by Triffany Hammond
Originally appeared on TriffanyHammond.com
Printed with permission from the author
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