5 Ways to Become Less Emotionally Needy in Relationships



Not quite sure? Ask yourself these questions:

• Do you look at your romantic partner to make you happy?
• Do you look to your partner to fulfill all your needs in love, sex, and support?
• Do you look to your partner for constant reassurance and validation? Are you looking for others to make you feel good about yourself – always looking outside ‘self’ for reassurance? And even if you get it, do depend on it all the time? Do you feel abandoned if your partner is not available? Are you afraid your partner will not be there for you?
• Do you get upset if your partner doesn’t react in a certain way, doesn’t meet a need?
• If you are alone, do you do things to fill the void with other distractions? Or when alone, do you go over past conversations or worry that he/she might leave? Is it difficult to be alone?
• Is your relationship the center of your universe? What about your relationship with other friends or family? friends or your kids?
• Does it bother you if you are not included in your partner’s plans?
• Do you get jealous of things that he/she is doing without you?


How to Overcome Emotional Neediness

1.) Become aware

Awareness is the very first step to recognizing there is a problem. This is key. This starts the process of greater insight aware and understanding about how you relate to others. It will also help you recognize how your anxiety and anxious feelings occur and the greater impact they have on your relationships. Take the time and connect the dots with your past with your present. What is your attachment style? What would you like to change? How would you like to act differently? Answering these questions will help you recognize unhealthy relationship patterns.


2.) Sit with your anxiety and the uncertainties of life

This a tough one because people don’t like when they feel anxious. They want to do anything but deal with it. But truth be told, the only to solve an issue to work through it. There ain’t no going around it. Life is full of shades of gray, uncertainty, and unanswered questions. Uncertainty can also be an instigator for change. Even if in the moment it ‘feels like a good idea’, work on thinking about how you would feel if you didn’t do it. If you give into the anxiety and impulse every time, you will never know how it could be different (think OCD tendencies). If the impulse (obsessive thought is there) and you act on it (the compulsion) all you are really doing is creating the same circle and reinforcing the behavior. Sit with that anxiety and anxious feeling and don’t react!


3.) Don’t suffocate someone

No matter how close you are to another person, it is unhealthy to spend all of your time with him or her. They will feel overwhelmed and start to do things that back them out of the relationship. If it’s difficult for you to tolerate alone time, you will inevitably sabotage your relationship. Simply force yourself to back off in order to give both of you some space.