Tips on How To Save An Affection-Starved Marriage and Keep Your Relationship Happy
Affection can be one of the first things to go after children are born or when a marriage is in trouble. BUT it doesn’t have to mean something serious and it can be naturally restored as I will go on to explain.
Why after children? Hundreds of couples have shared with me that the affection they used to give to each other over time has been transferred to their children. Whilst this can easily happen couples without children can go through periods of lack of affection too.
Affection for many people is what makes a relationship a relationship.
If you are craving affection in your marriage right now and are longing to be hugged, kissed, or given affection through caring words or “I love you” message – you are not alone. Thousands if not millions of couples may find themselves longing to be desired and cherished and this is often because of bad advice that never works.
If you are upset about a lack of affection in your marriage you may be feeling lonely, ignored, unimportant and unloved. You may have started to see your husband or wife as distant, cold, self-centered or only interested in the children.
If this is happening in your relationship right now, read on as I will tell you what works and what doesn’t when it comes to saving a marriage from a lack of affection.
Marriage Counsellors or well-meaning friends may tell you to have a serious discussion with your spouse telling them that the lack of affection is bothering you.
This relationship advice presumes that your spouse did not know that you like affection or forgot all of a sudden!
Or that maybe they did not realize that they were not showing you affection and somehow didn’t notice it.
But telling your husband or wife to be more affectionate never works, perhaps you already know that from trying it in your own relationship.
If anything, it can drive your husband or wife further away.
Having had this issue come up hundreds of times in the couples I’ve supported over the years I know what works and what doesn’t.
So here are a few of my tips on saving a marriage from a lack of affection.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE TIP – 1: STOP BRINGING IT UP
Talking about it (even if only occasionally will not get your husband or wife to change. Yet many relationship counselors may advise telling your spouse ” You are not being affectionate”
It doesn’t matter whether you beg, demand, joke, it never, ever works long-term or feels good.
Of course, your husband or wife may do it when you have told them to, but if you have ever asked for affection and been given it on demand you know what I am talking about when I say -it feels horrible!
It used to make me feel more lonely when my boyfriend hugged or kissed me because I pressurized them too. You want your spouse to be affectionate toward you because he or she wants to.
It reminds me of how I used to be around my Nan when I was young, she would always hold our face in her hands and demand kisses and cuddles, when we wanted to just say hi and run into her back garden and play. It felt forced. Just like when your mum would want to kiss you goodbye in front of your friends before school.
If you are upset about a lack of affection, then really you are longing to be desired.
By ordering affection you may notice in your spouse a reluctance to be affectionate with you.
AND when you notice that it HURTS.
I used to ask myself the DREADFUL question “What’s wrong with me!?!” or “Why am I so needy?”
Begging for affection feels terrible!