Lately, have you been feeling distant from your partner, even though you still love them? Have you tried to reconnect with your partner?
How to reconnect the chord of love with your partner when you feel disconnected?
By Kyle Benson
What can you do right now to make your relationship more romantic?
You could get your wife a diamond necklace. Or maybe you could buy her the Mercedes dream car she’s always wanted.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
But let’s suppose that you haven’t asked your wife a question in five years, so you fail at Love Maps.
Or while you are out on a double date with friends and your wife starts telling a story, you say, “that’s a good story, but you always tell it wrong. Let me tell it.”
So you fail at showing her fondness and admiration.
Later that night she excitedly plops down next to you on the couch and shows you a picture of a romantic getaway in Italy.
“Isn’t this romantic?”
You respond, “will you be quiet? I’m trying to read here!”
So you fail at turning towards her when she tries to connect with you.
Now reconsider that necklace and new car.
Is that going to rekindle the romance?
I don’t think so.
She’ll probably throw the necklace on the ground and use the new Mercedes to drive over it a few times for good measure.
The Micro-Moments of Love
Culture has distorted what makes passion sizzle in a marriage. Advertisements convey the message that a romantic getaway or expensive jewelry is the way to a woman’s heart, but I find the dull moments of relationships are the most significant of all.
There is profound drama in the micro-moments of love.
The time when Jack and Susan have dinner together and talk about their days rather than watch TV in silence. Or how Kevin and Kris tenderly touch each other as they pass in the kitchen.
Want to know more about how you can reconnect with your partner? Read 5 Rituals to Reconnect in Your Relationship
Love is cultivated during the grind of everyday life.
It’s the seemingly meaningless little moments of connection that are the most meaningful of all.
In relationships, people offer what Dr. John Gottman calls a “bid” for each other’s attention, affection, or support. This can be as insignificant as “please cut the carrots” to something as significant as helping a partner deal with the struggles of an aging parent.
In these moments, we have a choice to turn towards our partner or away from them. If we turn towards our partner, we build trust, emotional connection, and passionate sex life.
As loopy as it may sound, the passion of romance is enhanced in the supermarket.
In the seemingly unrelated relationship question, “do we need milk?” The reply, “I can’t remember. I’ll grab some just in case,” makes a world of difference rather than apathetically shrugging your shoulders.
Dr. John Gottman discovered that couples who divorced an average of 6 years after their wedding turned toward each other 33% of the time in his lab, while the couples who were together after 6 years turned toward each other 86% of the time. That’s a big difference.
The #1 thing couples fight about is not about money or in-laws or sex. According to Dr. Gottman, most arguments in relationships are about a failure to connect emotionally.
The Emotional Bank Account
Every time you and your partner turn towards each other, you make a deposit into what Dr. John Gottman calls the Emotional Bank Account.
Every connected moment in your relationship builds up a savings of love that can be used during hard times.