We have so much going on in our lives these days, that we do not get time to sit down and introspect what really is the secret to happiness. How should we prioritize our time among demands of work, family and yeah social media feeds?
We can imbibe some wisdom from the research conducted by Harvard University to find out the secret of Happiness.
For over 75 years Harvard’s Grant and Glueck conducted a study to find out what really is the secret of success and happiness.
And the results are startling:
“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship, it’s the quality of your close relationships that matters” — Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development
The secret to happiness comes down to quality of your close relationships.
It’s not about just being in a relationship but the quality of relationships –how much depth and authenticity exist in your relationships, how safe and secure do you feel with each other, the extent to which you can be yourself with your partner and be seen and loved for who you truly are.
So, when the biggest predictor of happiness and fulfillment in life is basically quality relationships, does it make sense to stay stuck in unhappy relationships? Off course not.
So, here are ten signs that could mean that you’re not as happy in your relationship as you pretend to be and you have some reassessing work to do.
1) You find your partner increasingly annoying
No two people are totally compatible and that’s normal. Everyone has some quirks and antics that can turn people off. But if you find everything that they do annoying, then there is trouble.
If you can’t stay with them for even ten minutes without rolling your eyes or screaming in frustration, and have more fights than normal conversations then that’s not a sign of a happy and healthy relationship.
You really need to take a long and hard look at your relationship ad reassess what you want to do with it.
2) There is no display of affection in your relationship
Everyone has different love languages and everyone displays affection in a different manner. For some it is verbal affirmation, for some it is physical touch, for some acts of service.
No matter how busy someone is, they can always squeeze in one way or the other to display their affection for their loved one. It could be as little as a loving embrace or holding hands or pat on the back or a simple text but if there is no display of affection at all in your relationship, then it is a warning sign that your relationship isn’t as loving as you pretend it to be.
3) You don’t want to spend time with them
In the initial phases of a relationship, one wants to spend as much time with their love interest as possible. You can’t seem to get enough of each other. There is an initial rush and a sense of urgency and restlessness to know each other better and spend every moment with them.
This rush slowly wears off as one gets more comfortable and steady in the relationship and both partners become contented with spending mutually satisfying time together.
But if you have reached a stage where you totally avoid spending time with your partner and prefer family or friends or work or alone time over them always, it’s a sign that you might not be that happy with them.
4) When you think about future, they don’t cross your mind
Whenever you fantasize or make plans about your future, you do tend to think about your love interest.
But if your sweetheart does not cross your mind even once, when you are thinking about your future, near or far, then your heart has already checked out of the relationship and you know you’re just there in the relationship without any commitment.
If you are really this indifferent to them in the relationship and it doesn’t matter whether they are there in your life or not, why are you even holding on this relationship, girl?
5) You keep getting attracted to other people
It’s ok to admire beautiful people and fantasize about someone once in a while but if you find yourself getting attracted to other people all the time, it is a clear sign that you’re not happy in your current relationship as you would like to believe.
When you are in love, you do not want anyone else to take their place no matter how much exponentially better they seem.
6) You share your accomplishments with other people before your partner
We usually want to share our greatest accomplishments and latest happenings in our lives with our partner but if you feel like sharing your accomplishments with other people before your partner, it could be because you don’t share a great bonding with them or they usually don’t show any enthusiasm about your accomplishments which makes you turn to other people for sharing the good news.
It is a clear sign that your relationship is not in a happy place and you need to reconsider your choices.
7) There are more fights in your relationships than conversations.
Honest, open and respectful communication is at the heart of any relationship.
When we really care about someone, we make an effort to listen to them patiently and try to find a common ground in case of arguments.
A healthy and happy relationship is when you share a strong bond with your partner and you feel safe to share your deepest thoughts and opinions with them on any topic without being scared that it could blow the relationship off.
But if you are in a relationship where you can’t get through even simple conversations like where to eat and what to wear without heated arguments, you really need to take a deep breath and ask yourself, do you even want to be in this relationship?
8) You can’t seem to let things go
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. When you love someone and are happy in a relationship, you tend to avoid the little misses and see the bigger picture.
But if you can’t seem to let go off even little mistakes that your partner does and give them a hard time about it all time, it is a clear sign that you are neither in love nor happy in the relationship and are only making each other’s life tough by staying together.
9) They don’t make your priority list
We all have to juggle with lots of things from work, family to everyday chores and have different priorities but we somehow make time for people we love.
If your partner doesn’t feature at all in your priorities list and you want to go to all the places and do all the things without them, then sweetheart you are not that into him anymore.
10) You feel trapped in your relationship
A relationship should be your safe and happy place. It should liberate you.
Your partner should help you grow and expand. But if you feel like you are missing out on life and feel trapped in your relationship because you can’t do things that you would like to do, it’s time to you should call it quits.