Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, and you will never come across one that has absolutely no issues. But there is a difference between serious issues and not-so-serious issues. In relationships, most couples tend to lock horns over some pretty dumb issues that are really not worth their time and energy.
“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones let the rest go.” ― C. Joy Bell C.
There are no ideal marriages and there are no perfect relationships. No matter how many marriage advice columns we read, real life is different from the ideal advice columns. In reality, relationships are not 50 -50, sometimes they are 90- 10 or 40- 60 and we have to suck it up and live with that.
In reality, perfection is an unrealistic expectation of human beings. All of us are imperfectly perfect. All of us have our own set of quirks and habits; we lose our shit, rage, scream, cry whenever we get triggered. All of us have lifestyle habits that fall short of perfection.
We leave a wet towel on the floor, forget to pay the bills sometimes, leave the toilet seat up and the list is endless. All marriages and relationships have their share of such petty instances and dumb issues, but are they really worth losing our sh*t?
Well, there are off course some serious issues that are worthy of being addressed but a lot of stuff that we fight over is just dumping stuff.
Here Are 10 Dumb Issues in Relationships Couples Should Not Bother About
1. Always trying to prove yourself right.
This is one of the most common and dumb issues to fight over in relationships. There are two types of people in relationships, people who seek power and people who seek a deep connection.
People who seek power in relationships have a better than or less than mentality. They engage in one-up or superior stance. They are more focused on proving themselves right than trying to build a deep connection.
But the problem when you try to be right, it comes at a cost. It automatically implies that your partner is wrong. And when your partner repeatedly feels like that they are being humiliated or looked down upon, sooner or later they will grow bitter or resentful.
Proving yourself right is a silly ego trap that might make you feel good in the short term but it is highly destructive for your relationship in the long term.
2. Fighting over who started what.
If you are fighting over who started it, chances are you are putting too much emphasis on proving yourself to be a victim or innocent. The truth of the matter is proving yourself to be a victim or innocent is again a silly ego tactic to make yourself look morally superior.
But guess what? No one is totally innocent or a victimizer in a fight. Things are not that black and white in conflict and both the parties have equally valid points of consideration.
Related: Want A Healthy Relationship? Stop Making It “All About Him”
3. Replaying the scenarios.
Do you find yourself engaging in petty fights, over who said what and when?
If you get a kick out of replaying scenarios in your head and pick a fight with your partner over what they said to you five years ago, you really need to work on your emotional intelligence.
You said it to me so and so, so many years back is a loop, it will not let you look at things from a new perspective and enjoy what is happening in the present moment.
4. Wanting things to be done your way.
If you always want things to be done your way, from where to go for a vacation or which movie to watch or how to get intimate, without taking into consideration your partner’s preferences or choices, you will just frustrate your partner to no end.
It is ok to sometimes meet each other midway instead of always following the “my way or the highway”.
5. Being told what to do.
If you are being told –what to do and what not to do by your partner, please don’t make it into an ego issue and freak out.
There is no harm in listening to someone’s advice- you can always choose to follow it or not, but freaking out and fighting over it, is just petty behavior.
6. Keeping score on who rolled the eye or used an inappropriate tone.
Well, the ideal scenario is that we always talk kindly and respectfully to our partner but like we discussed real life is far from ideal scenarios. We are all human and all of us lose our sh*t at some point or the other.
We all shout, rage, cry hysterically, roll eyes, and throw tantrums when triggered. Please don’t take your partner’s bad behavior personally and let it take you off course.
Related: 5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Keep the Romance Alive
7. Being turned down for intimacy.
Asked to get intimate and got turned down?
Don’t take it personally and start yelling, whining, or throwing tantrums. That’s not sexy at all. When you get turned on, here are better options:
Ask again and this time be more seductive and inviting and see if it changes your partner’s mood. If it doesn’t work, then chill and go read a book, maybe. There’s always the next time.
8. Expecting things to be fair.
Ok, so if you enter into relationships hoping they would be always like a perfect fairy tale, then let me break the myth to you – neither is life perfect nor are relationships. Relationships can be really messy.
Well, it is an ideal scenario, if things are 50-50 in your relationship, but in reality, sometimes your partner can get really soppy or you can get really triggered and it has to 90 -10 or 40- 60.
Expecting and tolerating unfairness is a part of growing up, cribbing about things being unfair is a trip back to childhood.
9. Having to ask for what you want.
Asking is a mature way of getting your wants and needs met. As a mature adult, you are expected to ask clearly for what you want.
If you are still living with a juvenile idea that your partner is a mind reader and will know everything that’s on your mind, you are going to end up being really disappointed because no one is really a psychic.
Don’t make asking for what you want an ego thing because you think it makes you less than anybody. Don’t think that asking for something reduces your value. If I get a hug from my partner after I asked for it, is just as sweet as one that he gives me spontaneously. Asking requires courage and the ability to deal with both yes and no with equal grace.
Related: 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
10. Bringing up the past.
This is another one of those dumb issues that wreak havoc on relationships. Do you hold a grudge against your partner for something he said to you 12 years ago? Do you keep poking them by reminding them of their past mistakes?
Well, holding a grudge and bringing up past mistakes will really not solve any problem. It will only make you more bitter and resentful. It’s better to forgive and live in the present; otherwise, you will miss out on the beautiful life that is unfolding for you right in front of your eyes.
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