“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones let the rest go.”
― C. Joy Bell C.
There are no ideal marriages and there are no perfect relationships.
No matter how may marriage advice columns we read, real life is different from ideal advice columns.
In reality, relationships are not 50 -50, sometimes they are 90- 10 or 40- 60 and we have to suck it up and live with that.
In reality, perfection is an unrealistic expectation from human beings. All of us are imperfectly perfect.
All of us have our own set of quirks and habits; we lose our shit, rage, scream, cry whenever we get triggered.
All of us lifestyle habits that fall short of perfection.
We leave a wet towel on the floor, forget to pay the bills sometimes, leave the toilet seat up and the list is endless.
All marriages have their share of such petty instances but are they really worth losing our sh*t.
Well, there are off course some serious issues that are worthy of being addressed but a lot of stuff that we fight over is just dumping stuff.
Here are ten dumb issues that you need to stop getting worked up about:
1) Always trying to prove yourself right
There are two types of people in relationships, people who seek power and people who seek a deep connection.
People who seek power in relationships have a better than or less than mentality. They engage in a one up or superior stance. They are more focused on proving themselves right over trying to build a deep connection.
But the problem when you try to be right, it comes at the cost. It automatically implies that your partner is wrong.
And when your partner repeatedly feels like that they are being humiliated or looked down upon, sooner or later they will grow bitter or resentful.
Proving yourself right is a silly ego trap that might make you feel good in the short term but it is highly destructive for your relationship in the long term.
2) Fighting over who started what
If you are fighting over who started it, chances are you are putting too much emphasis on proving yourself to be a victim or innocent.
The truth of the matter is proving yourself to be a victim or innocent is again a silly ego tactic to make yourself look morally superior.
But guess what no one is totally innocent or a victimizer in a fight. Things are not that black and white in conflict and both the parties have equally valid points of consideration.
3) Replaying the scenarios
Do you find yourself engaging in petty fights, over who said what and when?
If you get a kick out of replaying scenarios in your head and pick a fight with your partner over what they said to you five years ago, you really need to work on your emotional intelligence.
You said it to me so and so, so many years back is a loop, it will not let you look at things from a new perspective and enjoy what is happening in the present moment.
4) Wanting things to be done your way
If you always want things to be done your way, from where to go for vacation or which movie to watch or how to get intimate, without taking into consideration your partner’s preferences or choices, you will just frustrate your partner to no end.
It is ok to sometimes meet each other midway instead of always following the “my way or the highway”.
5) Being told what to do
If you are being told –what to do and what not to do by your partner, please don’t make it into an ego issue and freak out.
There is no harm in listening to someone’s advice- you can always choose to follow it or not, but freaking out and fighting over it, is just a petty behavior.