I wrote this in response to someone telling me that “suicide is selfish.”

They say…
-They say that everyday above ground is a good day.
-They say when life gives you lemons you’ve gotta make lemonade.
-They say that when things don’t turn out the right way
-That’s okay because tomorrow is always a new day,
-Ya know, they say a lot of things about how I should feel,
-But let’s get real,
-They don’t know me,
-They are not me,
-They don’t have to force themselves out of bed every morning and stumble to the mirror and see me.
-And I’m not talking about the me that they’d see
-If they were standing next to me
-As I shied away from my reflection,
-I’m talking about the REAL me.
-The secret me that I keep hidden behind lock and key
-Because I know that if they ever saw it
-Even THEY’D say that those lemons are too spoiled,
-And even water and sugar can’t help THAT medicine go down.
-And I’m not talking about the Depakote, Wellbutrin, or Xanax getting caught in your throat,
-To quote Alanis Morissette, I’m talking about the jagged little pill that they call truth
-Getting stuck because it’s too hard to swallow.

-De Cartes said, “I think, therefore I am.”
-He said that the only thing that I can be sure of is that I exist,

-Beyond this, everything else is a question.
-Nowhere is this proven more true
-Than in those with mental health issues.
-You can give me all your quotes, proverbs, and platitudes,

-But the fact is that for me
-Tomorrow is not a new day.
-It may be true for you,
-But obviously my truth is different than yours,
-Because when I lie in bed the night before
-I don’t think about tomorrow.
-I think about today,
-What I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done better than I did yesterday,
-And I can’t stop the relay race of thoughts in my mind
-As they reach back in time
-Struggling to find
-Every single thing that I’ve ever done wrong,
-So it can take it from yesterday and pass it off to today
-And remind me that tomorrow is not a new day,
-It’s just a new way of getting it wrong.
-They say…

-They say that they can’t understand how anyone could be so selfish as to take their own life.
-Well I say
-I don’t understand how anyone can be so blind as to see someone set on fire everyday
-And not understand why they might want to put out the flames.
-I say…
-I say that I can’t understand how anyone could be so selfish as to want someone to burn
-Just so they don’t have to feel guilty or question anything.
-And I’m not saying that suicide is the right way,
-And I’m not saying that’s how I want to end things,
-But that’s what mental illness is.
-“I think, therefore I am,”
-“I think, therefore I am,”
-“I think, therefore I am,”

-And when I am in pain seemingly every single day
-It makes sense that eventually all I’m going to think about is how to make that go away.
-It makes sense that if all I can think about is the pain of yesterday,
-Then tomorrow is not really a new day,
-Because that means that today is just remembering or anticipating the same old pain in new ways.
-Fear of judgement is the number one reason that those with mental health issues do not seek help.
-They say that society is getting better with that.
-Suicide is the 8th leading cause of death in the US.
-They say that society is getting better with that.
-Along with millions of other people, I suffer from mental health issues.
-They say that we’ll get better with that.
-They say that tomorrow is new day.
-They say…
-They say…a lot of things.

Written by and video by Allen Minor


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