A while back I posted the following question on the PurposeFairy Facebook Page:
“If you could write a note to your Younger Self, what would you say in only 2 words?”
And as I was reading the many comments, I kept seeing the same answer given by so many people:
To be honest, I was surprised. I didn’t know that there were so many people out there who regret getting married.
But why is that? Why is it that so many people seem to have regrets about marriage? What’s wrong with marriage?
Isn’t getting married supposed to make you happier?
The way I see it, there’s nothing wrong with marriage. Marriage is not the problem. The problem comes from the expectations people have when it comes to marriage.
I recently came across a really beautiful quote that explains exactly what I mean:
“Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc … The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.” ~ Unknown
If you enter a relationship expecting the other person to give you everything that is missing from your life – love, happiness, friendship, etc., eventually you will be very disappointed by how “poorly” the other person is “performing”.
You see, it’s not the other person’s job to make you feel all the things that you yourself can’t feel on your own. It’s not the other person’s job to make you feel loved, happy and whole when you yourself feel unworthy, unhappy and incomplete. That’s not their job, that’s your job.
“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” ~ Abraham
Relationships aren’t about making an unhappy person happy nor are they about making an unloved person feel loved. Relationships are about sharing the love and happiness that is already present within you with one another, growing, improving and evolving together, both emotionally and spiritually.
There is no love in relationships, love is in people. It’s the people who put love in relationships. It’s the people who put love, happiness, romance and passion in marriage.
If you enter a relationship feeling incomplete and expecting to become complete simply by being in it, expecting to get a lot of goodies without giving anything in return, you will end up feeling resentful and disappointed. You will start blaming the other person for how unhappy and how unloved you feel. And in the end you will have many regrets, not just about marriage but about life in general.
The quality of the relationships we build with those around us, whether they are relationships we have with our parents, romantic partners, friends, co-workers, etc., will be determined by the quality of the relationships we have with our own selves.
If you have love for yourself, you will have plenty of love for those around you and you will only attract in your life people who have as much love for themselves as you do. And through your interactions, not only will you get to share your love with one another, but you will also multiply that love, creating more and more of it.
So you see, marriage is not really the problem.
If you and your partner have plenty of love for your own person and if both of you are constantly working on improving yourselves and your relationship, communicating freely about everything, chances are that you will create a beautiful and long lasting relationship. Because you see, marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put things in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty and you will regret marriage.
What’s your take on marriage? What does marriage mean to you? Do you think married people are happier or unhappier? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below
With all my love,