How To Keep Your Connection Strong: The Powerful Relationship Between Sex And Stress


, ,
how to keep your connection strong powerful relationship between sex and stress

Stress has the potential to impact our mind, body and relationships, including our sex life. Stressful times can change your sex drive, either for the better or for the worse. But for most people, stress impacts sex drive in a negative way. In such cases, there are some ways you can keep your connection strong in relationships.

Sex and stress – friends or foes? Even if stress does a number on your libido – there are lots of ways of keeping your connection strong in the meantime.

For Some, It Increases Desire

Sex and stress – two key elements I often discuss with my clients. Usually, it’s about how stress negatively impacts sex drive. But for others, it’s about how stress actually propels them towards sex. 

The reasons for sex increasing sex drive are several. 

We all have a way of relating to people in our lives, what we often call an attachment style. For some of us, our attachment style has evolved to create a desire for connection in times of stress. This means the more anxious or stressed out we are, the more desire and arousal we can experience. 

This is because desire creates situations in which we can be validated by our partners. The more sex we have, the more loved and appreciated we feel. 

Keep Your Connection Strong
How To Keep Your Connection Strong: The Powerful Relationship Between Sex And Stress

Other times, stress gets our libido going because it’s our favorite decompressing activity. According to experts, the act of sex releases feel-good hormones and combats stress hormones, leading us to feel more relaxed and happy. Instead of having to wind down in order to have sex – we have sex to wind down. ​

However, while stress can spike sex drive, it more commonly does not. 

For Others It Impedes Desire

Stress is both a psychological and physiological experience. Stress floods us with both stressful thoughts as well as stress hormones. 

These hormones signal to our brains that we’re in danger. And when we’re in danger – sex is seldom a good idea. Instead, our body and mind become focused on leading us to safety; whether it’s about a deadline at work or actual threats to our lives. 

Related: How Stress is Affecting Your Sex Drive and What You Can Do

Stress About Work

When we’re caught up in thoughts about upcoming presentations to prepare or frustrate customers – sex is the furthest thing from our minds. And this is partly why sex and stress don’t mix well, because we’re not thinking about sex when we’re stressed. 

That which we focus on tends to grow. The stuff we don’t tend to vanish (like our sex drive). If all you think about is work (and trust me, as an entrepreneur, I get it!), expecting yourself to also want sex is like expecting a miracle. And I don’t say this to be harsh. 

I say this because our view of sex drive is often skewed. And with this skewed view come unrealistic expectations of ourselves, our partners, and our sex lives. 

We expect ourselves to want sex spontaneously, out of the blue, no matter what we’ve got going on in our life or how stressed we are.

If not tended to, these expectations can make us believe something is fundamentally wrong with us, when there isn’t. And when we believe we’re broken – it makes it increasingly more difficult to feel a longing for sex. Understanding that sex and stress are natural opponents can help you see there’s nothing wrong with you.

Taking Care Of Your Kids

Now you know how important your brain is to sexual desire – it’s probably easy to see how the day-to-day of rearing children can negatively impact your longing for a quick romp in the sack. 

Because if your brain needs to focus on sex to want sex; drying snotty noses or helping your kids with their homework isn’t exactly great foreplay.

Add to that, the stress of upset babies or angry teenagers, and it quickly becomes apparent how our state of mind can lead to low desire.

Stress About Our Relationship Or Marriage

Along with the daily stressors of work and children, the state of our relationship or marriage is also a key factor in whether we feel like sex or not. And this is where managing expectations in relationships is so key. 

If we want to stay close with our partner and increase intimacy we need to get realistic about what this entails. Expecting ourselves to be just as turned on by our partner 11 years into our marriage, as the day we met, isn’t realistic. 

This doesn’t mean long-term relationships can’t be sexually and romantically fulfilling (because they can!). I wouldn’t be in this line of work if I didn’t know this to be true. 

What it does mean is getting clear on whether or not your expectations of your partner and yourself are fair. 

If you’ve been annoyed with your partner lately. If you’ve been fighting about finances. If you’ve been struggling to find just 10 minutes where you can sit down together and look each other in the eyes – expecting these stressors to not affect your sex life isn’t fair on any of you. 

Sexual Stress

Alongside all of the day-to-day stressors – there is also sexual stress that can negatively impact your desire. Stuff like:

  • Feeling like you have to have sex once a week
  • Feeling like you have to perform during sex by having explosive orgasms
  • Feeling like you have to get turned on as quickly as your partner does

are all examples of stressful thoughts that can make it increasingly difficult to ever feel like you want to have sex with your partner. 

If this sounds like you, know it makes complete sense you don’t want sex right now. Understanding the relationship between sex and stress is paramount – both for you and your partner. 

Related: How Sexual Desire Changes Throughout Marriage

How To Keep Your Connection Strong When You Have Low Libido 

So, if stress is a regular part of our lives, what’s the solution, you ask? Well – there are lots of them and it depends on what the stressor is and how you’d like to deal with it. In essence, though, you need to learn how to deal with stress and find ways of connecting with your partner. 

When you develop stress management techniques and pair them with low-stress ways of connecting with your partner – you can keep your connection strong. 

Sometimes the connection can be boiled down to establishing a morning routine for sex and emotional connection. Put simply, this means creating a ritual that will infuse your relationship or marriage with intimacy, even when you’re short on time or stressed. 

Other times, how to keep a relationship alive and your connection strong, is about taking an intimacy inventory. Really looking at your relationship from every angle and assessing what your intimacy strengths are and where there is room for improvement. 

Sex And Stress 

Whether stress kickstarts your desire or blocks it – it’s clear stress is a powerful force that we cannot control – yet need to learn how to deal with. When we pair this with ways to boost connection in times of little to no sex, our sexless marriage or relationship doesn’t become a threat to its very existence.

If you’d like more help and specific techniques on how to reduce the pressure and stress surrounding sex (and in general in life, too!), check out my online program Re: Desire. Re: Desire is a hybrid of an online course and 1:1 support features, helping you to increase desire and intimacy *without* sexual stress. 

Originally published at
how to keep your connection strong powerful relationship between sex and stress pin
How To Keep Your Connection Strong: The Powerful Relationship Between Sex And Stress

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

5 Examples of Relationship Boundaries: Set Up Healthy Relationship Standards

Examples of Relationship Boundaries for a Healthy Life

What keeps relationships healthy and thriving? Is it love? respect? Well, you’d be surprised to know that the answer is “Boundaries”. Curious about how they work? Here are five essential examples of relationship boundaries that ensure mutual respect, trust, and happiness.

The big question is, “What are relationship boundaries? And do most loving relationships need it?” It’s subjective. We feel differently in different situations because our personalities are different too. So we have to know our relationship traits and set boundaries accordingly.

If you’re thinking of setting boundaries in relationships, then read more below!

What Are Relationship Boundaries?


Up Next

Karmic Relationship vs Twin Flame: 7 Hacks to Identify Your Soulmate

Karmic Relationship vs Twin Flame: Hacks to Find Your Soulmate

The concept of a karmic and twin flame is connected to the spiritual aspects of a relationship. In both cases, two people face extremely passionate connections towards each other which pushes them to be partners. 

However, a karmic relationship is different from a twin flame in multiple ways. In brief, twin-flame relationships are more prominent and affirmative for a successful future partnership rather than karmic relationships. Keep reading this blog to understand karmic relationship vs twin flame and how to identify your soulmate.

What is a Karmic Relationship?

Up Next

What Is Val-Core Dating: 4 Signs This Is Your Thing!

What is Val-core Dating? signs it is your thing!

One of the latest dating trends in 2024 is the Val-core dating or value-based dating. But is it a new trend or has it just been newly named? Have you always prioritized values to choose a partner? Did you feel attracted to someone who shares the same values?

In Val-core dating people choose partners based on the values that matter to them.

Let us understand the concept first.

Val-Core Dating: Is It Your Thing?

Up Next

What Is Breadcrumbing And Why Do We Fall Victim To It?

What Is Breadcrumbing And Why Do We Fall Victim To It?

Have you ever been on the other side of breadcrumbing? If you have, you know how horrible it feels. So, what is the best way to deal with this? Let’s find out, shall we?


Breadcrumbing is characterised by avoidance of intimacy and commitment uncertainty.

Breadcrumbers often want to seek attention from their partners and appear cool to their friends.

Dealing with breadcrumbing sometimes involves breadcrumbing others.

Breadcrumbing takes its name from the Grimm Brothers story of Hansel and Gretel — two children who in escaping from their wicked stepmother, dr

Up Next

Want To Try Speed Dating? 6 Mindful Tips To Make A Real Connection

What Is Speed Dating: Interesting Tips To Real Connections

Is speed dating the most effective way to find your soul mate through a series of mini dates? Do you feel like giving this exciting trend a try? Let’s see how it works.

This is an event format that allows people to go on many dates within a short time to talk with several people.

Let’s discuss what speed dating is like, how it operates, and some suggestions on optimizing your love life!

What Is Speed Dating?

Up Next

Is He Drifting Away? 8 Signs He Is Losing Interest And How To Turn Things Around

Signs He Is Losing Interest: Is He Drifting Away?

It’s one of the worst feelings in this world when the person you love, starts to lose interest in you. You thought that everything was going great and you are the happiest you have ever been, and then suddenly, you realize that he is acting very distant and emotionally detached. Today we are going to talk about the major signs he is losing interest.

Once you know these signs you will be able to better understand what’s actually going on in your relationship, instead of staying in a bubble, not knowing the truth. Also, why do guys act so interested then pull away? So annoying!

And we won’t just talk about the signs he is losing interest, but we will also provide some effective and useful tips regarding what to do when he lost interest.

Whether you are in a new relationship or have been together for years

Up Next

How Healthy Relationships Can Improve Your Physical Health

How Healthy Relationships Can Improve Your Physical Health

Healthy relationships are crucial for feeling happy, positive, and also physically healthy. The physical benefits of healthy relationships are a lot, and this article is going to talk about that in detail. Let’s find out the importance of having strong and healthy relationships.

Humans need humans to survive.

It’s no secret that a healthy relationship can bring joy and happiness to your life, but did you know that it can also have a positive impact on your physical health?

From reducing stress levels to boosting your immune system, there are many surprising health benefits to being in a happy partnership. Read on to learn more.

We are social creatures who thrive on strong, healthy relationships with friends, colleagues and family me