The girl who is never enough

Tanya Ghai

Have you ever met that girl? The one who is always there for everyone, the one that goes the extra miles to see someone only to find out they changed their mind, the one who always carries a big heart and a bigger smile even when hurt, the one who tries to comfort you in the blues even when she has already got a lot on her plate. The one who waits patiently for you to notice that she never complain of anything, the one you talk to everyday and tell her that you like her, but never enough.

I am that girl, the one who is never enough. The girl  who you hit with a 3 A.M. message of “we should catch up” but never make an effort to see because I don’t fit in your schedule. Never enough for you to send a stem rose because that would make me smile. Or for that matter, never enough to do any cutesy stuff that I say I hate but secretly wish you would do anyway. I am the girl who you want nothing more with, but fuck a few times, the one who is pretty but never enough for you to date.

I am that girl who always stays in competition, the one who is dragged into conversations like “she is so much better than you” or “Had you been more like her”; the one I never wanted to be a part of.  I am the one who nobody has a crush on. That one girl who can never make anyone fall for her smile, her eyes or may be for the way she tugs her loose strands behind her ear or how  her eyes flutter and her lips form a perfect O. Nobody notices the small things about her, nobody searches through the hall to catch a glimpse of her.

I am the girl you make plans with and later cancel because you got other friends who hit you up with a better thing you can do. And I always understand. I am the one you never dedicate songs to because honestly I don’t run across your mind even once. The one you talk over, silencing her when you promised to listen but she never complains instead, hears patiently.

I am the girl who you let down over and over, but she still sticks to you. May be I don’t love myself or maybe I have gotten used to it. I am the one who gets disappointed but never surprised. I am the one who fills your void, till the time the perfect girl comes, the one you actually have a spark with, the one you want to date, even when you said you never wanted a relationship because of the issues you had.

I am the girl who constantly hopes that may be just may be this time things would be different, that may be after all this time, I must be desirable to someone. That may be things are going somewhere this time only to find other wise. I am the girl who is left agonizing over endless memories you left her with, only to figure out what would I have done differently so you would have stayed.

I am the girl who never runs out of hope, to experience an abbreviation of love if not the fullest form. Caught up in “ifs and buts” and “May Be”, I am the one who is always the second choice never a priority, the one you would never want to label. I am the girl with many “almost”, that one girl who tried but will never be enough.

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Tanya Ghai

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