The Disappointment Effect – MIND TALK

Again, I end up alone behind the doors I close on myself. Sometimes I seriously can’t figure out one reason why I choose this even when I don’t want to.
I’m always relieved though, to have this bit of sanity that stops me from believing that I let fear control me every time, then only in those moments that I’m completely out of my mind, I come to face the fact that I’ve tried everything from making peace with fear to running away from it, and even being completely fearless at times but nothing seemed to be satisfying enough.
 
But now I know why I reached this point, why I’m stuck in it no matter how many times I try to leave, and why it hurts so much to even try to leave. It’s because I’ve had a share of disappointments more than I could possibly take. And what hurts most about this is when you keep believing in those who disappoint you, when you refuse to give up on them, when you keep holding on to the hope that they will realize the damage they’ve done and they’ll try to fix it, but you just end up disappointed again and again, and again.
 
What if you’ve tried everything whether to blame them for it or just let them see it for themselves and none of it mattered? What if you care about them so much and you can’t walk away?
And in some insane moments, when you’ve really exhausted every option, you will sit back and laugh about it with tears streaming down your face because you’re usually the one who gets ridiculously hurt only because you care so much.
 
Sometimes it ate me away, that fear of getting disappointed all over again, because there’s only so much I can take right?! And then I would unintentionally hurt the ones I love the most, or even the only ones who are truly there for me, just because the pain is so overwhelming. I find myself still forced to run and hide behind the walls I try to build, and after all that as soon as I catch a glimpse of hope I chase it like a fool and, you know, nothing. You kind of get used to it too, and even that doesn’t make it any better. There are times when you even get disappointed in yourself. 

There came the hardest truth, that the best of me could simply be the worst, for I couldn’t have imagined it would get me nowhere in this world unless it’s accompanied by pain, loss, and frustration. I had no idea that constantly trying to fix things was going to break me to pieces, and also hit me again just as I put the pieces back together.

You see, sometimes you give all that you’ve got, and somehow you’re the one who gets left behind, desperately searching for a way out in some comforting truth, or even learning how to live without peace of mind. 
And as sad as it sounds, what makes you special is what gets you hurt.
Sometimes a curse lies within the gift. 

  • Nada Mohamed

You can follow more of her works
on her blog – Attraversiamo
or her Facebook Page  – Little Things 

A series devoted to our readers. Does your Mind do a lot of thinking too ? Do you have questions to ask ? A Poem, A question, an article or any thought that wants to be shared. Pour them here. Click the Submit button and we will publish it on our Site. Why let that thought Sink ? Let it be free Write on.. 🙂 Let the Mind Talk Begin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

— Follow Us —

Up Next

An Open Letter To The Hustlers

An Open Letter To The Hustlers

To be or not to be, to go all in or to unwind and relax, we question our dreams, running in constant chase of our quests to come true, we are the ones who never sleep. Dreamers we are called, the ones who passionately strive in the endeavours of the best they could ever be, here is a letter to me, a letter to you. In the stride of embracing the best you have ever been, nurture your soul before the onset of the abundance in you that lies unseen.

Too bold, too much for your age, you are doing too much, how often have you heard these notions been used to describe you? As we tirelessly strive to achieve the next goal we have in our mind, we are often told that we are being hard on ourselves, to enjoy life a little. Life in its entirety passes by us in its dynamic flair, and the existence we envisage holds unique individuality to each one of us. The choices one makes for themselves belies them and them only, and t

Up Next

How To Remain Centered And Calm In Face Of Difficulty

My life is a mess and I have nothing to be grateful about! I witness myself say this phrase from time to time, where life plonks us into the desperation of ebb and flow of wilderness and things not going in our favour.

It is easy to say we are grateful and in complete balance when things are going well and life feels like the warm embrace of the sun shining on a Sunday morning. But the real test lies in remaining grateful and centred when life feels like spinning out of control.

While it is easier said than done, here are some reminders that might help you get through the days that feel like a burden –

1) This too shall pass, no moment in time that feels permanent loses its impermanence. We often lose hope when things don’t go our way and during these sad days, we should remember, that t

Up Next

15 Most Liberating Thoughts For Someone Who Needs It

Our life unfolds in a succession of revelations of who we are. It is when we sit down and repeat the same sentence in our head over and over again, in every action we perform, every activity we indulge ourselves in, does it indulges into our existence as a habit.

The key to having a sense of liberation is allowing life to flow through, not forcing anything and more essentially not resisting change. I believe that our life improves in the direct proportionality of how often we are exposed to situations where are forced to challenge our age-old beliefs and counterfeited perceptions and seek the greater version of ourselves. When we get too comfortable in the comfort zones we build for ourselves, we do not grow into the people we are meant to be. Sadly most people embrace change only when metamorphosis is the less painful and only possible option.

I know that

Up Next

My Rendezvous With Life

My Rendezvous With Life

The treacherous waters of existence hail in their stride,As the beauty of sailing against the winds uproars in its ride.Benevolence in its yonder stirs the mirth of the true,Navigating the turbulent waves, death and I had a rendezvous.

I sought the beauty of the light that was unseen,In the depths of my muse, I found my world within.Life in its flair, trudged me into the emblems of the dark,The dreams that perspired in the seed embraced their death,As it was time for a new quest to embark.

Quaint whispers that echoed in their gallant stance,The jeers that surmounted the uncertainty galloped in their dance.Silencing the wind, bestriding the fall,I plunged into the entirety of my endeavours that call

For I chose to befriend the walk that marked the

Up Next

The Power of Understanding Your Love Language

The Power of Understanding Your Love Language

Love is the purest emotion one feels towards themselves and another individual. While the expression of love can vary in its entirety from one person to another, the care we hold for the ones we love shares an undeniable impact on how we forge our perceptions of interpersonal relationships. The way we communicate our feelings to someone also says a lot about how we are wired, the method of conveying our affection to our beloved ones is called a love language. You may express affection to the one you love regularly, but do you take the time to ensure that you are communicating it in the way that the other person prefers? Even love can become lost in translation when two individuals speak different love languages.

What are the five love languages?

Up Next

The Beauty Of Gratitude In A World Full Of Cynicism

The Beauty Of Gratitude In A World Full Of Cynicism

Ever acquainted with the phrase that the world that you exist in, the life that you embody dwells in the perception of the stance you hold for yourself. The beauty and the tragedy of life is that it is as beautiful as the optimistic lens of perception and as ugly as the pessimistic view of your being.

The strive of our endeavours and the constant effort to achieve the next massive milestone often drive us to the edges of insanity, to be in the consistent light of greatness we lose sight of the great strings of joy that bind our existence together. To be the best we have ever been we must be mindful of the best we are. Coinciding in the traps of negativity and yet claiming to be the best version of yourself is a blinding truth that lies to only

Up Next

I Breathe In The Sauntering Air That Collapses My Being

I Breathe In The Sauntering Air That Collapses My Being

I breathe in the sauntering air that collapses my being,I breathe through the crevices of my existence unseen.Uncertainty in its yonder strikes in bolt on the scars that nobody sees,Redemption that loves, redemption that is free, find me in the depths of my poetry.

Tales of lust ridden in smeared touches that belie,Entreated with envy, the visions of victory lie.To be or not to be in a question that yet lies,For I yearn for a world where fond passion never dies.

Enclasped in the cage of the deemed duty,Bounded in her vows, she forgot she was a thing of beauty.In a realm we live, where amour in its truth fails to stand tall,She, tired of her existence, submerges herself into the beauty that her dreams enthrall.

Chaos in its uproar hails in its darkness