I Am A Murderer

1,2,3 …….

A, B,C…..

It was 4 midnight. I couldn’t sleep. I have done everything just to feel sleepy. I read a novel for the nth time. I listened to Music. I drew a sad Lady looking at the moon. The scene was very lonesome so I stopped. I made prank calls with my friends. I messaged someone special to me but No Reply. Yeah. The old song goes BUSY. I decided to turn on the television but no more shows to watch for so I turned it off. I was doing nothing but my Adrenaline Rush was freaking High! Then, memories flashed back……

*** “Palimos po (Please give me some alms)” , a girl who I think seven years of age is begging.I don’t have anything at that time. No money. No food. In simple form I am Broke. I said to her “Sama ka na lang sa amin (Come join us)”. She looked at me with wonder and then, she followed. I was in a depressed Area at that time together with friends doing some volunteer works. We gave foods and clothes and hosted a free livelihood seminars. The young girl seems very happy after receiving a pack of relief goods and clothes. She said thank you and bid goodbye. I don’t know what comes into my mind, I followed her. She’s very happy. Whistling while walking.and she’s holding the goods very tight. She’s innocently excited. Such an Awesome scenario. Then, she went inside a small Hole under the bridge. Still, I followed her.

A Small and stinky house welcomes me. Three malnourished children are playing rubber bands. Flies, cockroaches and rats are everywhere. I almost puke. Such a pitiful state. The young girl noticed my presence and asked me why I’m standing outside and she let me come inside their house. She’s Maymay. The oldest among the four children. She introduced me to her siblings. Muymuy(5 years old), Bebe(4 years old) and Kukay( 2 years old,youngest). We asked so many questions with each other. Where are your parents? Are you studying? And many more…… Maymay is such a Rowdy child (Like me) Full of life and bubbly. I feel saddened after knowing she stopped schooling. Reason? Poverty. Both parents are working as garbage collectors, since the place is a dumpsite.

I asked them if they’re done with their breakfast all of them said No, but it’s almost 2pm already!!! Too good I brought some breads with me . I gave the breads to each child. The next action of Maymay fills my Starving Heart. The bread I gave to her, she divided it to her three younger siblings.. I asked her “Paano ka? (how about you?)” She smiled and said “Masaya na po ako makita mga kapatid ko na kumain (I’m happy just by seeing my siblings eating)” and she smiled. That kind of Love touched my Heart.

Weeks had passed, that scene is still fresh on my mind. I called my friend to accompany me to visit Maymay and her Family. I admit I miss the kids….

Same ambiance welcomes Us. Full of trash. Disgusting Smell from decaying garbage. Muddy pathways and street. Malnourished Children are playing. Tattered houses. Adults are busy in gambling, Drinking alcoholic beverages and The community is all a Mess…… Scary. Dangerous. Horrible.

But we still push through On the way to Maymay’s house. People are walking around. Come in. Come out. Come in. Come out. Sounds of Mahjong Blocks. Flips of Cards. Crowd’s Noise. And the Light.

There is a Wake ( a watch held over the body of a dead person prior to burial and sometimes accompanied by festivity)  I know it. But who is dead from Maymay’s family?

Muymuy, recognized me and called his parents. We have a short talks. My eyes are surveying the crowd. Where is Maymay?? All of her siblings are there. Aha. Maybe she is just somewhere doing something. Then, the youngest Kukay, hugged me from the back and screamed Ate Maymay!!!

Silence Filled the Air. People Stopped from Chattering. The children cried. Parents Sobbed. I feel Doomed.

The sad news was like a bomb to my Ears. Maymay is gone. This is her wake. Maymay is gone. She is dead.

Severe Malnutrition and Hunger. These are the reasons.

I feel like I killed Maymay. I killed her ‘coz I have so many foods to eat but I choose to put it in trash. Most of the time Dinner is hanging on my plate.

I killed her ‘coz I have a lot of money but spends it in different materials things.

I killed her ‘coz I took for granted all the Blessings I have.

I killed Maymay. I am a Murderer!