10 Things NOT to Say to Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

Bonnie Ronstrom

10 Things NOT to Say to Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

#1 Do not compare the garden-variety toxic relationship in your life to their relationship.

Doing this is like comparing the pain of being bit by a fly with the agony of being attacked by a shark.

#2 Do not tell them that their abuser “probably meant well” but must “just” have anger issues, a poor upbringing, a lack of social skills, etc.

They want to believe this, too. The truth is, narcissistic abusers, don’t mean well.

#3 Do not ask the victim to identify their own behaviors that contributed to the abuse.

A victim is never at fault for an abuser choosing to be abusive.

#4 Do not tell them it takes “two to tango.”

It only takes one, when the one is a narcissist.

#5 Do not suggest that they should be over the pain by now.

You are just showing your own discomfort with the horrific impacts the abuse has had on them.

#6 Do not tell them that you’ve had a “bad break-up,” too.

Unless you’ve had a break-up with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath, your break-up and theirs have few similarities.

#7 Do not ask them to explain how they can still love and want to be with someone who abused them.

They are not your teacher. Being asked to explain the complex impacts of narcissistic abuse when they themselves don’t have it all sorted out is re-traumatizing.

#8 Do not tell them their situation is impacting them so profoundly because they are sensitive.

Narcissistic abuse by anyone is incredibly devastating to everyone.

#9 Do not question a victim’s intelligence because they’ve returned to an abusive relationship or are struggling to leave one.

Intelligence has NOTHING to do with it. Being traumatically bonded is far more likely to be the reason for their actions.

#10 Do not say that everyone calls each other a narcissist nowadays when they don’t get their way.

A victim of narcissistic abuse is dealing with a narcissist, and I can guarantee you they’d rather not be.

— Share —

— About the Author —

Bonnie Ronstrom

Responses

  1. Susan Servin Avatar
    Susan Servin

    I have to remind myself that I shouldn’t blame myself for my narc ex choosing to be abusive. I do blame myself for not being more aware, but narcs DO lie and you think that your values and world view are the same. In truth they are not, and they are very good at deceiving people, especially a target.

Older Comments
1 2

Leave a Reply

— Follow Us —

Up Next

An Open Letter To The Hustlers

An Open Letter To The Hustlers

To be or not to be, to go all in or to unwind and relax, we question our dreams, running in constant chase of our quests to come true, we are the ones who never sleep. Dreamers we are called, the ones who passionately strive in the endeavours of the best they could ever be, here is a letter to me, a letter to you. In the stride of embracing the best you have ever been, nurture your soul before the onset of the abundance in you that lies unseen.

Too bold, too much for your age, you are doing too much, how often have you heard these notions been used to describe you? As we tirelessly strive to achieve the next goal we have in our mind, we are often told that we are being hard on ourselves, to enjoy life a little. Life in its entirety passes by us in its dynamic flair, and the existence we envisage holds unique individuality to each one of us. The choices one makes for themselves belies them and them only, and t

Up Next

How To Remain Centered And Calm In Face Of Difficulty

My life is a mess and I have nothing to be grateful about! I witness myself say this phrase from time to time, where life plonks us into the desperation of ebb and flow of wilderness and things not going in our favour.

It is easy to say we are grateful and in complete balance when things are going well and life feels like the warm embrace of the sun shining on a Sunday morning. But the real test lies in remaining grateful and centred when life feels like spinning out of control.

While it is easier said than done, here are some reminders that might help you get through the days that feel like a burden –

1) This too shall pass, no moment in time that feels permanent loses its impermanence. We often lose hope when things don’t go our way and during these sad days, we should remember, that t

Up Next

15 Most Liberating Thoughts For Someone Who Needs It

Our life unfolds in a succession of revelations of who we are. It is when we sit down and repeat the same sentence in our head over and over again, in every action we perform, every activity we indulge ourselves in, does it indulges into our existence as a habit.

The key to having a sense of liberation is allowing life to flow through, not forcing anything and more essentially not resisting change. I believe that our life improves in the direct proportionality of how often we are exposed to situations where are forced to challenge our age-old beliefs and counterfeited perceptions and seek the greater version of ourselves. When we get too comfortable in the comfort zones we build for ourselves, we do not grow into the people we are meant to be. Sadly most people embrace change only when metamorphosis is the less painful and only possible option.

I know that

Up Next

My Rendezvous With Life

My Rendezvous With Life

The treacherous waters of existence hail in their stride,As the beauty of sailing against the winds uproars in its ride.Benevolence in its yonder stirs the mirth of the true,Navigating the turbulent waves, death and I had a rendezvous.

I sought the beauty of the light that was unseen,In the depths of my muse, I found my world within.Life in its flair, trudged me into the emblems of the dark,The dreams that perspired in the seed embraced their death,As it was time for a new quest to embark.

Quaint whispers that echoed in their gallant stance,The jeers that surmounted the uncertainty galloped in their dance.Silencing the wind, bestriding the fall,I plunged into the entirety of my endeavours that call

For I chose to befriend the walk that marked the

Up Next

The Power of Understanding Your Love Language

The Power of Understanding Your Love Language

Love is the purest emotion one feels towards themselves and another individual. While the expression of love can vary in its entirety from one person to another, the care we hold for the ones we love shares an undeniable impact on how we forge our perceptions of interpersonal relationships. The way we communicate our feelings to someone also says a lot about how we are wired, the method of conveying our affection to our beloved ones is called a love language. You may express affection to the one you love regularly, but do you take the time to ensure that you are communicating it in the way that the other person prefers? Even love can become lost in translation when two individuals speak different love languages.

What are the five love languages?

Up Next

The Beauty Of Gratitude In A World Full Of Cynicism

The Beauty Of Gratitude In A World Full Of Cynicism

Ever acquainted with the phrase that the world that you exist in, the life that you embody dwells in the perception of the stance you hold for yourself. The beauty and the tragedy of life is that it is as beautiful as the optimistic lens of perception and as ugly as the pessimistic view of your being.

The strive of our endeavours and the constant effort to achieve the next massive milestone often drive us to the edges of insanity, to be in the consistent light of greatness we lose sight of the great strings of joy that bind our existence together. To be the best we have ever been we must be mindful of the best we are. Coinciding in the traps of negativity and yet claiming to be the best version of yourself is a blinding truth that lies to only

Up Next

I Breathe In The Sauntering Air That Collapses My Being

I Breathe In The Sauntering Air That Collapses My Being

I breathe in the sauntering air that collapses my being,I breathe through the crevices of my existence unseen.Uncertainty in its yonder strikes in bolt on the scars that nobody sees,Redemption that loves, redemption that is free, find me in the depths of my poetry.

Tales of lust ridden in smeared touches that belie,Entreated with envy, the visions of victory lie.To be or not to be in a question that yet lies,For I yearn for a world where fond passion never dies.

Enclasped in the cage of the deemed duty,Bounded in her vows, she forgot she was a thing of beauty.In a realm we live, where amour in its truth fails to stand tall,She, tired of her existence, submerges herself into the beauty that her dreams enthrall.

Chaos in its uproar hails in its darkness