The Signs In A Playground

The Signs In A Playground

The Signs In A Playground  

Aries: The slide hurts my ass, omg I’m suing!  

Taurus: This sand is not edible, for f*ck’s sake!  

Gemini: Is it illegal to take pictures of these kids?  

Cancer: Falls off the swings- that’s okay because I’m no pussy! (‘:  

Leo: Beat it kids, my turn next on the seesaw. Fights kids.  

Virgo: Omg Leo, wtf! They’re like 10 years!  

Libra: Throws kids in the air. Forget kids, get their money.  

Scorpio: No dogs allowed in the park. Sagittarius, get out the park then!  

Sagittarius: Stabs Scorpio with ice-cream cone. Oops, I tripped!  

Capricorn: There is no chill in this park.  

Aquarius: I’m so proud of you Sag!  

Pisces: Swims in puddle because f*ck you.

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Are you sad or are you:

ARIES: Uninspired

TAURUS: Tired

GEMINI: Bored

CANCER: Picking at old wounds again

LEO: Craving validation

VIRGO: Trying to control the uncontrollable

LIBRA: Self-sabotaging

SCORPIO: Asking too many existential questions

SAGITTARIUS: Dramatizing things just to feel something

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Only comes to the function if:

ARIES: There are pyrotechnics or a bonfire

TAURUS: It’s a lavish sit-down dinner party

GEMINI: They can skip the line

CANCER: They’ll get a chance to make eye contact with their crush but not say hi

LEO: They’re the guest of honor

VIRGO: They can go home before bedtime

LIBRA: They have the perfect outfit for the theme

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Treating themselves:

ARIES: Browsing international flights

TAURUS: Snoozing their alarm for the sixth time in a row

GEMINI: Texting their biggest simp for some guaranteed attention

CANCER: Getting another throw pillow to add to the pile on their bed

LEO: Spending their entire paycheck on concert tickets because they genuinely believe they’ll get rich soon

VIRGO: Taking a long bath as an excuse to let their mind wander

LIBRA: T

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Hiding:

ARIES: Any and all signs of weakness

TAURUS: In the bathroom at work to kill time

GEMINI: Their friend group #2 personality from friend group #1

CANCER: The collection of love letters they’ve written but never sent

LEO: How much they care about what other people think of them

VIRGO: Their expensive shampoo someplace their roommate won’t find it

LIBRA: Their true opinion on their best friend’s underwhelming new partner

SCORPIO:

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Why they’re undateable

ARIES: Won’t text back unless you happen to catch them in a brief window of interest

TAURUS: Will never concede that they’re wrong

GEMINI: Dating them is like dating their entire friend group

CANCER: Everything you do secretly hurts them

LEO: Uses your eyes as a mirror to stare back at themselves

VIRGO: Doesn’t understand that their “logical” way of approaching things is just as subjective as your feelings

LIB

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Is a big deal but not to them:

ARIES: The screaming match you had last night that they’ve already forgotten about.

TAURUS: Wearing the same sweatpants for a week without washing them.

GEMINI: Responding to texts.

CANCER: Treating themselves as well as they treat others.

LEO: Bailing last minute.

VIRGO: Anyone else’s opinion.

LIBRA: Alone time.

SCORPIO: Minding their business.

SAGITTARIUS: Reading the

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Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Anger

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – Fear

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – Envy

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – Shame

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – Joy

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – Anxiety

Libra (September 23 – October 22) – Disgust

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – Suspicion