A Scorpio Is…
Attracted to: Strong minded individuals, Intelligence, Personality and Humor.
Needs: Communication, Understanding, Warmth, Laughter.
Secretly Likes: Drama, Arguing, Excessively talking.
Secretly Hates: A Gemini will hate you one minute, love you the next, and will forget about what happened in between.
Turn offs: Stupidity, Ignorance, Immaturity and dullness.
Types Of Friends They Are
Aries: Offers to fight your ex even though you insist you’re still friends.
Taurus: Really good at giving hugs, even if their advice is questionable.
Gemini: Always name-drops their other “friends” who you’ve never met.
Cancer: Expects you to read their mind and resents you when you don’t.
Leo: Is a little too eager to validate all your questionable decisions.
Virgo:
They Seek Attention Like This
Aries: Making a huge deal about being a tiny bit sick.
Taurus: Repeatedly insisting that they’re fine and don’t need attention.
Gemini: Being a contrarian even when they don’t actually believe what they’re saying.
Cancer: Inserting themselves into conflict that has nothing to do with them and then lamenting how overwhelmed they are.
Leo: Telling the same pre-rehearsed sob story to each of their friends one by one to maximize the sympathy.
Virgo:
Stop dating
ARIES: People who come on way too strong
TAURUS: Self-described empaths
GEMINI: Micro-celebrities with podcasts and Twitter followings
Drunk crying about
ARIES: Dropping their Big Mac
TAURUS: The emotions they’ve been soberly repressing
GEMINI: Their lost phone (it’s actually just in their back pocket)
CANCER: None of their friends noticing that they weren’t having fun at the party
LEO: Their crush not looking their way all night even though they dressed up specifically to make them fall in love
VIRGO: Their wasted potential
LIBRA: Realizing they have to work at 8
How they ask for a favor
ARIES: Would rather not ask for a favor and suffer than admit they need help
TAURUS: Hopes you’ll say no so they have an excuse to hold a grudge
GEMINI: Flatters you into believing you’re uniquely qualified to help them
CANCER: Profusely apologizes for having needs
LEO: Laughs their way through a deeply troubling story as a cry for help
VIRGO: Stops midway through asking & says they’ll handle it themselves
LIBRA:
What makes them swipe left
ARIES: Death stare selfies
TAURUS: “Any questions, just ask”
GEMINI: “Passionate about food, dogs, and The Office”
CANCER: 50 miles away
LEO: Zero mutual Facebook friends
VIRGO: A mirror selfie with clutter in the background
LIBRA: Spotify anthem is too basic
SCORPIO: A suspicious number of group photos
SAGITTARIUS: Boring desk job
CAPRICORN:
What they want to normalize
ARIES : Stirring up drama
TAURUS : Having a pair of inside and outside slippers
GEMINI : Beefing on main
CANCER : Codependency
LEO : Loving them and being very nice to them all the time
VIRGO : Using work as a coping mechanism
LIBRA : Having a new crush every hour
SCORPIO : Blocking people over minor disagreements
SAGITTARIUS : Canceling plans at the last min
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